I’m the one who asked the question late at night.

Since people meet through a website, both the men and the person asking the question are probably on guard. So I understand wanting to take precautions first, and that in itself isn’t strange—it’s simply a sign of caution. However, the men are cautious too, and some may decide not to meet women who behave even slightly differently from what they expected. In this case, it seems the man was that type. He thought he wouldn’t be able to register the QR code, but then it had been changed. (I do think the man was at fault, but he may have wondered, “Did she really change it within a single day?”) Then she said she wanted the allowance paid in advance. (I think this was the main reason he canceled at the last minute.) Because of those points, he seems to have decided not to meet. From the questioner’s perspective, you may wonder, “What’s wrong with receiving the money first once we meet?” But, for example, I believe there was a news report in 2021 about the chairman of a major company—reportedly worth around 20 billion yen—who assaulted a woman at a hotel and stole 100,000 yen from her. Depending on how you look at it, one possible interpretation is: He paid her 100,000 yen in advance and went to the hotel with her, but once there, she said she only wanted to talk and wouldn’t go any further. When the man asked her to return the money, she refused. He then thought he had been scammed and tried to take the money back, at which point she resisted. That interpretation is possible too. In other words, even if a man gives the money first after meeting, the woman may still refuse an intimate relationship. I’ve heard of similar cases as well. If men have heard stories like that, they may worry that if they hand over the money as soon as they meet, they could end up merely talking in a hotel room, with the woman showing little interest because she has already received the money, and then leaving almost immediately. That can lead them to think, “I’d rather not meet women who insist on being paid first just because we’ve met.” Of course, women face the same risks. Even if the agreement is to receive the money afterward, the man might say, “I forgot to withdraw it,” and leave the hotel without paying. He might then suddenly run off as soon as they get outside. Or he might say, “Wait here while I withdraw it from the ATM,” only to escape through the opposite exit. So when two highly cautious people meet, things like this can happen, and I don’t think either side is necessarily at fault. With that in mind, an交際クラブ may be safer than meeting through a website. If a man runs off after meeting someone, he will be forcibly banned, so it’s unlikely that he simply won’t pay. Even if someone like that does exist, he’ll quickly be removed from the club, meaning you’re unlikely to encounter him there. (It’s not impossible, of course, so you still need to protect yourself.) Even at an交際クラブ, some arrogant men won’t meet a woman a second time if she asks to be paid first—even if they are already in a hotel room together. So it’s also important to consider the other person’s feelings and act accordingly. (They may be arrogant, but this is not a violation of the rules, so they won’t be forcibly banned and the club can’t reprimand them.)

Because there was another person involved, the end result was that the man lost trust. If that’s what you want to do, then go ahead and wait until you receive an offer from someone who won’t cancel at the last minute. Papa-katsu through apps is a one-person operation, so it can be difficult in many ways. If you have a reasonably attractive appearance, you might want to register with Universe Club. Even without asking for payment upfront, their rules require men to give you transportation money at the first meeting. The men also pay membership and offer fees and have submitted identification, so last-minute cancellations are very rare. I think you’ll be able to start an arrangement with a little more peace of mind.

Unlike clubs, sites and apps have no set rules governing what the two people agree on, so it’s hard to say across the board what counts as strange. If someone has been told something similar before, then met the woman without any problems and eventually started seeing her, they might not find it strange. On the other hand, if they’ve been stood up in the same situation or had the woman take the money they paid in advance and leave without even having much of a conversation, it’s understandable that they would approach it with suspicion. When you say “paying in advance,” you mean handing over the money for the first meeting—transportation costs and an allowance—ahead of time, correct? Personally, unlike with clubs, I always approach sites and apps with a healthy degree of suspicion. Unfortunately, they include people known as “agents” who come from the compensated-dating, escort, or nightlife industries and are only looking to collect the first-meeting money—what’s often called cycling through first meetings. Given that situation, men naturally develop a bias against being deceived. So for people who know about this or have already experienced it, I think it’s only natural for them to be cautious. Women may have their own struggles, but men have their share as well. A brief aside: Personally, I can’t think of a legitimate reason—one that would satisfy me—for giving a woman money at a first meeting arranged through an app. So even if we discuss it and I agree to give her an allowance, I won’t meet a woman who insists on being paid in advance. I see an app-based first meeting as a step for filling in the gaps left by the lack of detailed profile information and photos available through a club. In my mind, it’s an even earlier stage than a club’s first date. If someone shows up looking like a completely different person because the photos they sent beforehand were heavily edited, yet still insists on being paid, I consider that fraudulent. There’s no way I can promise to pay someone before meeting them under those circumstances. I’ve gone a little off track, but I hope this helps.

When you say you met through a website, you mean via social media or an app, right? It’s a completely lawless, no-rules world. If someone assaults you or forces sex on you without consent, the police will deal with it. Other than that, every negotiation is entirely your own responsibility. Whether a guy gets used and ghosted, or a girl takes the money and runs, no one is going to help you. Given that, there’s nothing strange or pointless about the ways the questioner has tried to protect themselves. The problem is making those safeguards so obvious to the other person. It’s not what you’re doing—the strategy is flawed. To be specific, I mean when you change your LINE ID and when you bring up negotiating payment in advance. Your timing is too obvious. I’m sure you’re anxious and want to take precautions as soon as possible, but you’re only making the other person more suspicious. You need to realize that they can become just as distrustful of you as you are of them. To use a cat analogy, it’s like chasing a sparrow while meowing, “Meow, meow, meow.” (I used to have a cat like that.) Of course the sparrow is going to run away. As for LINE, I once dated a girl who absolutely refused to block anyone. Her reasoning was that the other person might find out they’d been blocked and become enraged. Also, if you leave the LINE conversation open, they may write all kinds of things. Those messages could serve as evidence if you ever needed to consult the police—for example, if they started stalking you. And if they wrote something threatening, you might even be able to consult a lawyer, tell them you were going to file a criminal complaint for intimidation, and negotiate a settlement. That’s what being truly careful looks like. You can’t let the other person realize how you’re protecting yourself. The lesson: A truly cautious person is cautious about making sure the other person doesn’t realize they’re being cautious. If necessary, they even leave an opening for the other person to see—and set a trap in that opening while they’re at it.

What counts as “strange” is subjective. That man probably thought your behavior was strange. Personally, I don’t think either of you did anything strange. You simply weren’t a good match and weren’t meant to cross paths.