Has anyone ever become “boyfriend and girlfriend” with someone they met through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), either in the past or currently? Unrequited feelings count too.

Hello! Kousaka from the staff would also like to answer your question! Some men and women who met through Universe have even gotten married, moving beyond the usual boundaries of boyfriend and girlfriend! (^ ^) ■URL https://universe-club.jp/kotobuki/

I do develop feelings for people, but I’m not really sure what the whole “boyfriend and girlfriend” label even means anymore. Is there really any point to putting a label on it? It feels too irresponsible for me—I don’t think I could handle it. I’d understand dating with marriage in mind, and meeting each other’s parents to make that intention clear. But beyond that, I’m not sure.

Marriage has a clear definition—you’re married when you’re legally registered as spouses. But “boyfriend and girlfriend” can take many different forms. What is it that you’re looking for in a boyfriend? Is it the possessiveness of not wanting him to see other women? The kind of passion that says, “I’d die for you”? Or do you want to rely on him both financially and emotionally—to entrust him with everything? Maybe it’s simply wanting him to always be by your side, clinging to each other around the clock. Or perhaps it’s a desire to control him—to have him devote his entire self to you. Maybe you just want the vanity of introducing each other to acquaintances and friends as “my boyfriend” and “his girlfriend.” Or perhaps you want the ritual of confessing, “Please go out with me,” and having him answer, “Yes.” In short, I think the first important step is figuring out what you actually want. Putting your desires into words is difficult, though. Emotions don’t fit neatly into language, which can be frustrating. Once your desire is fulfilled, I think the feeling of “I want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend” will probably disappear. It won’t matter anymore. That’s what happiness is. Thinking it over, I feel the best thing would be for the questioner to confess directly: “Would you be willing to date me? But I’d still like to receive the same allowance as before.” He may be confused, but he might readily agree with a “Sure, okay.” Or he might say, “I’m not doing this because I’m looking for something as serious as having a girlfriend. I’m sorry.” In that case, he might end things, or you might settle on continuing your papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) relationship as before. Even if he does cut things off, taking that risk is part of confessing your feelings, isn’t it? He might also ask, “I’m not really sure what you mean by ‘dating.’ How would it be different from what we have now?” You should probably take this opportunity to sort out your own thoughts so you’ll be able to answer him clearly. Even if things end in rejection, years from now, when the questioner looks back on her papa-katsu life, she may be able to romanticize the past and think, “It was papa-katsu, but I really did fall for that man. I confessed and got rejected, but in my own way, I struggled through it while I was young and pure.” It could remain in her memory as a beautiful episode in her life, like Nagai Kafū’s A Strange Tale from East of the River. Men, don’t try this. You’ll just be labeled a dangerous papa (a male supporter) who’s mistaken a crush for something serious, and that’ll be the end of it. Some things are better left unspoken.

There are a few women who call me their “boyfriend” and treat me like one, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually thought of them as my girlfriends. Probably not. There’s a big age gap, and I’m just not the type to act like someone’s boyfriend. That said, whenever a woman asks, “I’m your girlfriend, right?” I make a point of answering, “Of course,” and I do treat them like a real girlfriend. Whether there’s an allowance involved or not, it isn’t easy for me to think of a cute girl much younger than me as my “girlfriend.” I find myself thinking, “There’s no way a young, cute girl like this would actually want to be my girlfriend.” That’s what I would have answered—until, in the past, there was one college student who became my girlfriend even though I was giving her a monthly allowance. Our outdoor dates were so much fun. She was wonderful—the kind of girlfriend who would confidently take my hand wherever we were. I couldn’t handle the age difference, so I kept telling her to find a boyfriend her own age. Eventually, she found a great boyfriend her age, and for a few months she was dating both of us with my approval. In the end, she chose to break up with me and stay with him of her own accord. It was the best way I could have been dumped. I’d love to experience a heartbreak like that again.

When I think about who my girlfriend is right now… It’s not my wife or a longtime girlfriend. Strictly speaking, I probably don’t have one at the moment, but one of my favorite women from the club does feel like she could qualify as my girlfriend. Since she’s my girlfriend, naturally she’s the only one. I can’t think of the other women I like from the club that way. Whenever we meet, we hit it off right away. I want to go everywhere with her, try all kinds of things together, do things for each other, and always stay connected. With my wife and longtime girlfriends, things feel too normal now—I don’t get that floating, head-over-heels feeling anymore… I’m grateful that, thanks to the club, I can keep enjoying my youth.

It depends on how strong your feelings are for the other person, but I considered the person I was seeing on a monthly arrangement to be my boyfriend. I’ve also ended up becoming a couple with someone I met while looking for a partner for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), though we didn’t meet through an agency. He supported me with things like housing and living expenses, so whether that counts as an allowance is up to interpretation. Still, both of us met our friends and others as a regular boyfriend and girlfriend. I vaguely remember seeing an article about a couple who met through Universe Club and eventually got married. In their case, they went beyond being boyfriend and girlfriend and became husband and wife, so it may be rare—but I think some people do end up becoming a couple.