I have a papa (a male supporter) I meet for an adult relationship for ¥50,000.
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He told me he’d like to stay overnight. He hasn’t brought up the allowance for staying over, so I assume he intends to pay the usual ¥50,000. Honestly, though, I’d like to ask for more if we’re staying overnight.
Another papa once asked me to stay over too. When I told him I’d like a higher allowance, he said he didn’t like being told, “It’s all about the money.”
So I’ve been making excuses, like saying I’m busy with work, and only meeting him normally. But that can’t go on forever, right? How should I bring this up? No matter how I phrase it, won’t it end up sounding like I’m only talking about money?
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That sounds like a relationship between a money-minded woman and a stingy papa…
If they’re genuinely grateful to each other, then after spending two enjoyable days together, it’s only natural that he’d give her a reasonable allowance or some kind of reward. And even if she wasn’t expecting anything, she’d be happy to receive it and feel that spending time together was worth it.
It’s the worst when the woman has to ask for it or expects it outright…
Even without saying anything, the relationship is connected by allowance—by money.
And the same goes for papas who show no gratitude whatsoever.
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There’s an 80–90% chance he’s a lousy papa, but there’s still a slim chance he could turn out to be a big papa.
If you stay the night without saying anything, he might say the next morning, “Thanks for staying over. Here’s an extra ¥50,000. And how about switching to a monthly arrangement starting next month?”
I don’t think it would hurt to try once. After all, you’ll never get a chance if you never take one.
That said, if you decide to try staying over, it’s best to assume he’s a lousy papa and expect nothing. That way, you’ll be less disappointed.
Personally, I basically only stay over with A-type girls. Staying over with an A-type girl is exciting because there’s a certain tension to it. Nothing is going to happen, but maybe something could happen… No, of course nothing will—being able to enjoy those classic old-guy thoughts is the fun of it.
On the other hand, staying over with a girl who’s open to an adult relationship (intimate) is nothing but painful, so once she falls asleep, I quietly sneak off to my second home in the middle of the night.
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Saying, “Since the date crosses midnight and counts as two days, I’d like ¥100,000—¥50,000 × 2,” doesn’t sound particularly harsh.
You’re not actually opposed to staying overnight as long as the allowance is increased, right?
If you don’t make it clear that it’s a matter of money, he may start wondering whether you’re secretly living with a boyfriend or whether you actually dislike him. So I think it’s better to be fairly upfront about it.
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> How should I bring it up?
I think it depends on what kind of person he is, so there probably isn’t one right answer. But something like this might work:
“I’d like to stay overnight.”
“How many nights?”
“One night.”
“How much allowance were you thinking?”
“Huh? I was thinking the usual 50,000 yen.”
“Then I think I’ll pass on staying overnight this time.”
“Why? Come on, let’s go.”
“I don’t know, I just feel that way. I’m happy just meeting as we have been, without staying overnight.”
Something along those lines should be fine, don’t you think?
If, when you say you’ll pass, he asks, “Are you unhappy with the allowance?” then I think it would be fine to say:
“Let’s not talk about money.”
That would tell you he’s the kind of person who makes discussing money pointless.
If he’s perceptive and still wants to go on the trip, he’d probably say something like, “Oh, sorry. Since it’s two days, 100,000 yen—twice the usual amount—would be more appropriate, right?”
If you still aren’t satisfied with that allowance, you could turn him down by saying something like:
“It’s not just about the money. Staying overnight involves a lot of things, and it’s hard on women.”
That said, if you’re quite close, another option is to talk about something other than the allowance, such as:
“I really want this bag. I’m saving up for it right now, but it’s taking forever…”
Rather than seeming like you’re constantly focused on getting allowance, the idea is that even if there were no allowance, you might feel satisfied if he gave you something more expensive instead.
Of course, you shouldn’t directly say that you want him to buy it for you. You need to frame it simply as something you’d like.
He wants to go on a trip.
She wants a bag.
You’re just telling each other what you want, not negotiating terms. I think that kind of relationship—almost like pseudo-romance, where you provide the things the other person wants—can work too.
But I think this is something you should only try once you’ve become quite close.
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You already have your answer in the final line.
There may be slightly more polite ways of putting it, but ultimately, it comes down to money. I’m not mocking you.
To get your papa (a male supporter) to accept you, you’ll probably need a little of the usual “ooh, stop it” charm. In other words, a bit of seduction. This is the important part: even though older guys know exactly what’s going on, they’re still weak to that kind of charm.
Seriously—at least according to my highly scientific research. Now’s your chance to show what you can do!
Also, if you’re not happy with the amount, I wouldn’t recommend casually saying yes. Personally, I suggest politely explaining what you’re hoping for.
Here’s a personal story.
This June, I told the younger sister of the “Hakata Big-Busted Sisters” that I was going to Egypt, and she said, “Take me with you.” I hesitated because the terms were a little too demanding—for my wallet, that is—when she suggested, “I’ll make you feel like King Khufu in Cairo at night.”
My body said yes before my heart did.
In a hotel with a view of Giza’s three great pyramids, our intimate encounter from behind really did make me feel like King Khufu. Though, technically, it only felt that way.
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Some women don’t ask for an additional allowance for an overnight stay, so you shouldn’t assume that every man will agree to an extra payment.
These arrangements are basically a matter of negotiation, so if you want more, why not try telling him?
If he feels you’re being too focused on money and you’re not comfortable with that, then perhaps you simply weren’t compatible when it came to that aspect.
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I’m not someone who does overnight dates, but if I were to stay over, I’d probably be willing to pay about one extra allowance.
Why not be honest and say that staying over would be difficult without an increase in the allowance?
He may be reaching his limit with all the delays and feeling frustrated or uncertain as well.
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I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask what the allowance is for an overnight stay.
It would be strange to expect to stay overnight for the same amount as usual.
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I don’t think there’s one “right” way to put it.
From your question, it sounds like your other dating partner had no intention of increasing your allowance for an overnight stay and didn’t seem interested in discussing the allowance either.
However, the man you spent the night with this time is a completely different person. Everyone thinks differently, so I think it would be better to ask him directly how he feels about the allowance for overnight stays.
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It’s only natural for someone to see you as overly focused on money when you automatically expect a higher allowance for staying overnight, as if you’re calculating everything by the hour.
You may have your reasons, but enjoy it while you’re still being invited. Why not go along with it occasionally without asking for anything extra? Before long, you may get some added perks or other nice surprises.
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