I’m struggling with jealousy from other women.

If you want to stay on good terms, you could simply keep your papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) private. But if they’re going to get jealous over something like that and make things awkward, why not stop being friends altogether? If you have to see each other because of work or some other unavoidable connection, then switch to keeping things strictly superficial. Life is short, so personally, I feel it’s a waste to keep unpleasant relationships going in your private life.

Some women seem to get along well while exchanging information, but in most cases, the other person is more or less into both men and women. (They don’t seem to be interested in women themselves, but since they’re close friends, they apparently have no problem doing things like taking baths together.) Situations like the one described by the questioner can happen when the woman who started out first takes on a mentor-like role, but the person she taught ends up receiving more offers. Usually, the woman who started first also assumes that she’s the more popular one. In those cases, it seems their relationship often turns sour. So unless you’re close enough to do things like take baths together with your friend, I think it’s better to keep it to yourself—or, if asked, just say something like, “I haven’t been getting many offers lately.” Also, when I ask women who choose Dating Type A why they picked it, I sometimes hear things like, “The friend who introduced me was also registered as Type A and said she only did dinner dates.” In reality, that friend may actually be Type B or C. But when talking to friends, they may feel they have to say “dinner only,” otherwise there’s a chance rumors could spread.

People who get jealous of you, dislike you, or pick fights with you have subconsciously acknowledged that they’re beneath you. They just haven’t realized it themselves—or maybe they’re only pretending not to notice. You don’t get jealous of people who are worse off than you, do you? You don’t dislike them either, right? Once you understand that, I think your friend’s jealousy will bother you a lot less. I get targeted by people of all genders pretty often too, but I’m a mean person, so I just look at them with pity and think, “Damn, losers really do bark so loudly.” You don’t need to become as nasty as I am, though. Embrace those who are jealous of you with compassion.

If it’s a relationship where she only makes snide remarks, I feel like it may still be possible to repair things. As a basic rule of thumb: 1. Dodge questions about the amount of your allowance. If you really have to answer, keep it vague by giving a range, like “between ¥X and ¥Y.” 2. Don’t mention anything good about your own papa (a male supporter)—just complain about him. 3. Don’t meet your friends while wearing things your papa bought for you. Something like that, anyway. If she’s jealous because of the number of papas you have, you could even lie and say, “I got cut off.” But I always thought these were basic rules in female communities. Is that not the case? Men can be jealous and resentful too, but men don’t exchange information with each other as closely as women do. And even when they do, how should I put it? They’re used to hierarchical societies, so even if someone is enjoying better treatment than they are, it usually doesn’t damage the relationship as much as it does among women. Rather, people at similar levels compete with each other. Maybe female society is basically founded on the principle of equality, so they can’t stand it when someone is enjoying even slightly better circumstances? When a papa bad-mouths another papa to you, it’s probably because he sees that person as being on the same level as himself. Men instinctively want to settle who’s superior. They’re basically dogs. It may be exhausting, but if you treat it as observing human behavior and just watch from a distance, it can actually be interesting. Learn to sidestep things smoothly. Otherwise, life will become very difficult—not just in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but in general. I said at the beginning that a relationship where someone makes snide remarks may still be repairable, but some women will keep smiling and pretending to be your friend while secretly telling others, “That girl does papa-katsu.” I recently heard a frightening story. There were two women, A and B, working at the same company. A had a boyfriend, and B also knew him. One day, B called A while sitting in front of A’s boyfriend and deliberately let him overhear them talking about papa-katsu. No one knows why she did it. Apparently, A was doing papa-katsu with an adult relationship (intimate), while B only had dinner-only arrangements. It doesn’t seem that B was interested in A’s boyfriend. Maybe she wanted to gain some kind of favor with him? In any case, she prioritized him over her friendship with A. Naturally, after that, A and B became the kind of people who couldn’t even face each other. Just because you’ve confided in each other about papa-katsu doesn’t mean you should become overly trusting or develop too strong a sense of solidarity. These days, people may feel like they’ve become comrades who share secrets while exchanging information on social media, but please be very careful. In the end, a woman’s true enemy is another woman. Recognizing that someone you’ve shared a secret with is not a comrade but a person to be wary of—that’s also a form of risk management.

When women say they’re “close” with someone, it often turns out they really aren’t that close at all. And in this case, I think that applies to the “close” you mentioned above. Were you really that close? Probably not, right?

Friendships aren’t something you’re obligated to maintain, so I think you simply shouldn’t see people you find difficult to be around. I feel the same way about papas. That said, I don’t really understand how one papa could know enough about your other papas to badmouth them. You might want to consider whether you’re constantly telling him complaints and grievances about your other papas, or sharing too many details. Personally, being in a relationship with a woman who only talks negatively would feel like a burden, so I’d probably end things.