I haven’t used condoms before, but I’d like to use them from now on. How should I bring it up?

Wanting to use condoms from now on because of the risk of STIs is a perfectly reasonable explanation, and I think it’s a reason anyone could understand. However, whether the other person accepts your explanation is a separate matter. Men who insist on not using condoms seem to fall into one of two categories: either there’s some reason they believe there’s no risk of STIs, or they’re simply selfish and only thinking about themselves. In the latter case, you need to seriously consider whether you’re willing to put up with that selfishness. Think it through carefully and ask yourself whether you’d be able to accept whatever might happen. In the former case, they may say it’s because they don’t do it with other women. But since you can’t monitor them 24/7, the question becomes how much you can actually trust them. There is a method, like the jealous Ochie in the film *The Samurai Who Stole a Woman’s Heart*, who dusted her husband Date Otoko Seibei’s crotch (!) with flour before he went out to prevent him from cheating, then carefully checked when he came home to see whether even a little of the flour had fallen off. You could use that method to check whether he’s been unfaithful, but in reality, that would be difficult. Either way, it comes down to whether you trust the person and whether they’re someone you can trust. Even if they are trustworthy, there’s no denying that the risk increases, so the question is whether you’re comfortable with that. If you can’t accept the increased risk, I think you’ll have to end things. If you still want to continue seeing him despite the increased risk, then you’ll have to accept that and continue.

I think dating manuals are relics of the bubble era. The 21st century is a tough time for people who don’t use their own judgment but still have an outsized sense of entitlement. Still, best of luck.

Wouldn’t it work to just say, “I haven’t used condoms until now, but I’d like you to use one from now on”? The reason is simple: “I’m worried about STIs.” If your papa (a male supporter) won’t accept that, you’re better off ending things with him. He’s probably the kind of guy who has unprotected sex with other people too, so the STI risk is seriously high.

I don’t want to nitpick too much, but could we stop with the “What should I say?” questions already? The reason is that they make it seem like you haven’t spent even five seconds thinking about the question yourself. Also, when asking something in a professional context, I basically believe there should be some form of compensation involved. Personally, I’d be too embarrassed to ask someone something for free. Please understand my inner cry of, “Just because it’s free doesn’t mean you can ask anything and everything!” At the very least, I’d like you to use your brain for about a minute and come up with your own draft first.