Men I meet through Universe Club or papa-katsu apps often ask me, “What kind of relationship are you looking for?” or “What kind of person are you hoping to meet?”
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But obviously, I’m looking for a papa (a male supporter) who’ll give me an allowance, or a man who can support my living expenses. So why do they go out of their way to ask?
If I answer too bluntly, they’ll think I’m all about money and lose interest.
When a man asks this kind of question, what’s the best way to respond?
Although I’m pretty average-looking in both style and appearance, most of the men I met through the club asked to see me a second or third time. When they asked what kind of relationship I was looking for, I would answer something like this:
“I’ve been dealing with one betrayal and problem after another at work—it’s a fairly specialized industry. Ever since I was a child, it’s been my dream to enter this field, and that dream has been what kept me going all these years. But lately, the painful things have outweighed the good.
So, outside of work, in my private life, I’d like to meet a kind man who sees me as a woman in my own right.
I’d like to date an older man who brings out a side of me that isn’t usually seen.”
I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was roughly along those lines, and I don’t think I was lying. I really did enter this with those sincere feelings.
Did it come across as though I was looking for an older man himself, rather than money…?
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I’ve never asked a question like that myself, so I’m sorry, but be careful not to give the man the wrong idea…
You don’t want him saying something like:
Man: “You like me, then!! So we don’t need an allowance, right?”
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Are you kidding? lol
When someone asks you that kind of thing right off the bat, it’s only polite to lie to them.
Besides, you’re using a club name and presenting yourself as someone other than who you really are, so at least tell them the kind of lie that lets them keep dreaming. lol
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Maybe they’re asking about your preferences—or rather, your terms—within papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
Some women prefer shorter meetings and want their allowance without dinner, just getting down to sex quickly.
Others want to be taken somewhere they normally couldn’t afford to eat. In that case, they’re fine with the date lasting more than four hours.
A regular dinner and regular sex, all within four hours.
Or they might want to drink a lot, then go out for drinks after having sex.
Stuff like that, lol.
Women have all kinds of preferences and requests too. The examples above are what my monthly arrangement partners prefer, so I try to accommodate each of their wishes. Pretty considerate of me, right? lol
But in every arrangement, sex is always part of it—that’s my condition, lol.
Since your papa hasn’t given you much detail, you could simply reply with something like:
“I’d like to have a nice meal, then go to a room and leave within four hours.”
As for the follow-up question about what you’ll use the allowance for, saying something too serious or too frivolous can be a turnoff. It’s safest to say something like:
“I’d like to use it for beauty treatments and clothes.”
“I’m normally just an office worker.”
That kind of setup is pretty safe, lol.
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It’s best not to date men who ask things like that—questions they don’t need to ask in the first place.
The same goes for men who repeatedly ask questions that only have one answer you can give in the affirmative…
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Isn’t it basically the same as asking, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
I think it’s just a conversation starter.
If a man asks, it’s best to be vague and say something like, “I wonder if there’s anyone nice out there…”
If the point is to start a conversation, answering honestly can kill the mood.
— It’s me
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“I’m often asked, ‘What kind of relationship are you looking for?’ or ‘What kind of person are you looking for?’
☆ I was asked that a lot too. Since I was registered with a dating club, they already knew I was looking for an adult relationship (intimate) and allowance, so I’d think, ‘What exactly did they want me to say?’ Even now, I find it puzzling.
I’d probably say, ‘I’m looking for someone who shares my interests and would take me on trips and things like that.’
If I felt someone wasn’t for me, I’d turn the question around and ask them instead.”
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I don’t think you can know what kind of relationship you’ll have until you’ve been seeing someone for a while, so I’ve never asked that kind of question.
Some women prefer the dinner-then-hotel pattern, while others would rather do something fun together. Some may even ask to be taken on trips. Even when it comes to how often you meet, one person might prefer once a week, while another might prefer once a month. Schedules can also change depending on work and other partners.
Since you met in a setting where giving an allowance is expected, you probably don’t need to ask whether she’s looking for someone who will give her one. If she answered, “I’m looking for a papa who’ll give me spending money,” it would be understandable to feel put off by how eager or difficult to communicate with she seemed.
I’m sometimes asked, “What kind of woman are you looking for?” But if I answered, “I’m looking for a convenient woman who’s good in bed,” I’m sure she’d be put off. In reality, I say something like, “Everyone has different ideas of what feels comfortable, so I’m looking for someone who can find a comfortable middle ground with me.”
There’s no single right answer—it depends on the person you’re talking to. Pay close attention to them and use your own judgment in the moment. I feel that people who can’t do this, regardless of gender, probably aren’t really enjoying the relationships they make through dating clubs.
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