I’m not the person who asked the question two posts below, but after reading the question and answers, I’m struggling with something similar.
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While the other men I’m seeing and I are careful about STI prevention, how should I tell one man who isn’t very cooperative about taking precautions?
Most of the other men I see are considerate—for example, they show me their STI test results before we meet, even without me asking, or they only have oral sex with a condom. But with one of the men I’m seeing, we’ve never even discussed STI testing, and he tries to have unprotected oral sex—or, at times, even go further without protection—unless I stop him.
Until now, I’ve only dealt with gentlemanly men, so I don’t know what to say when someone like this comes along. Could you please advise me on how to bring it up and get him to be more careful without damaging our relationship?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
That papa sounds like a real handful… If it were me, I’d decide that he could negatively affect my relationships with other papas and gradually cut contact.
If he won’t take precautions against STIs and doesn’t have any money either, that’s a double whammy. I definitely think you’re better off ending things.
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I know I may have a strange perspective, but I’ll say it plainly:
The person asking whether unprotected oral sex is out of the question at a dating club is the one who’s out of touch.
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I feel like it would be difficult to change things without disrupting the relationship…
If you have someone else you can meet, I agree that it’s probably best to gradually fade out.
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It’s not a matter of whether someone is “willing to cooperate with safety measures.”
I think these are terms that everyone needs in order to participate more safely and securely—especially when it comes to infection prevention and contraception.
The dating club is already helping reduce the risks, so you shouldn’t knowingly increase them yourself.
I think it’s fine to report to the club that “there’s a male member like that” and then quietly fade out.
—It’s me.
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I don’t think it’s a good idea to try to change the other person.
If they won’t take your concerns seriously, it’s probably best to stop seeing them.
If someone has poor personal hygiene, you wouldn’t tell them to take a bath or improve their appearance—you’d simply stop meeting them, right?
I think it’s the same here.
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