My original question was unclear, so I’m posting it again.
This content is machine-translated.
It’s been about two months since we met. We’ve met around seven times for an adult relationship (intimate), and we’re planning to meet again this week. I’ve developed feelings for her, so I’ve been open about liking her. Last time, for the first time, she told me that she liked me too.
Of course, I assume she may simply be saying that to match my feelings, but I’d like to take things further and eventually have a romantic relationship where I could visit her home. Right now, I’m actively expressing my feelings and we keep in touch every day.
She’s a single mother, while I’m married and have children. I also haven’t told her yet that I’m married and have kids. She seems to still be doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I’m thinking of continuing to support her while asking whether we could date.
Sorry for the long post, but is there any way to tell whether a woman likes me as a person or as a romantic interest? And in this situation, what would be the best strategy for developing this into a romantic relationship? Thank you.
Is that how it works?
Women generally tend to prefer waiting to see what the man is offering first, but they also have a kind side that appreciates a man’s enthusiasm—or genuine feelings. So in many cases, things ultimately work out better if you keep her feelings somewhat ambiguous while you continue pursuing her assertively.
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I’m a little scared by the idea of falling for a single mother.
If it were me, I’d want to protect my family, so I’d keep it to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—a transactional, physical-focused arrangement with money keeping a clear boundary.
It would be a different story if you planned to divorce your wife and marry this single mother.
But from my perspective, I feel like this single mother has already locked onto you.
It’s the worst-case scenario, but she could say:
“Leave your wife and marry me, or I’ll send her the photos you gave me. If you want to break up, pay me compensation.”
From a woman’s point of view, there may be nothing putting her at a disadvantage, so the thought that she could make any demand she wanted is frightening.
Yikes, scary.
That’s a bridge I wouldn’t cross, lol.
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I had more or less interpreted it that way too, so my answer is basically the same.
If it were me, I would:
- not tell her that I have feelings for her
- not initiate contact on a daily basis
That way, at least, I can see whether she reaches out to me on her own and expresses her feelings.
If it were romantic, I’d be even more inclined to wait for her to fall for me first.
If I’m the one constantly reaching out and expressing my feelings, she can only really respond positively, which makes it difficult to judge how she truly feels.
I think it’s better to have enough composure to step back and let her become attracted to you and come after you.
Also, if you want things to develop into
> a relationship with the opposite sex
I feel it’s essential for her to see you as someone she’s glad to have met as a person—and perhaps even as a lifelong partner.
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If she tells you she misses you when you can’t meet, then either she really likes you—or she’s a pro like Lily-chan.
If she seems completely unfazed when you can’t meet, then she “likes” you in a business sense.
Either way, don’t try to negotiate down her allowance. An older guy’s only real asset is his money.
It depends on what you want. If you plan to leave your wife and pursue remarriage, tell her you’re married sooner rather than later, seriously court her, and offer more money.
If you’re not looking to go that far, just mind your manners, avoid being controlling, and enjoy dating her. If she comes to trust you over time, she might eventually invite you to her home.
Whatever your goal, try to put yourself in her shoes and support her financially.
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Were you asking how to build a relationship with her close enough that you could go to her place?
Whether she lets you into her home depends not only on your relationship, but also on her personality, values, and living situation.
In other words, your question is basically, “How can I get closer to the woman I met, ○○?” If an elementary school kid were asking, I’d understand—it’s a cute question for that age. But are you really asking that when you’re over 40?
If you want to know how to make women fall for you, you’d probably be better off looking for books or paid courses on how to be popular. I’ve never subscribed to any myself, so I can’t say for sure, but unlike the quick, anonymous-question-box-style advice you get here, they seem to offer substantial, carefully compiled content—presumably because people are paying for it.
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