For most of the past year, there was a strong romantic feeling between us, but recently I feel like we talk less, and when we go to a hotel, it’s immediately after dinner.
Before, we would go somewhere else afterward or stop by karaoke.
We actually have dinner-only (no intimacy) dates more often, but that’s because we see each other as often as two or three times a week. When I think that if we started seeing each other only once a week, our dinner-only dates would probably disappear, I start wondering, “What am I to him?”
After saying goodbye to my papa, he goes home to his beautiful wife and adorable children, while I go home alone. Lately, that’s been feeling empty and painful.
Since his family life and work are both fulfilling, does he see me as something like a casual sex partner?
We talk every day and often speak on the phone. We see each other frequently, and I receive an allowance comparable to what a Tokyo office worker earns, so I thought I held a position more like a girlfriend separate from his wife. But seeing how things have been lately, I’m feeling depressed and wondering if I’ve been demoted to just a casual sex partner.
What do you think?
Ever since he said around New Year’s, “We don’t know where we’ll be next year,” I’ve been thinking only about the worst-case scenario.
There was also a time when he asked me what I would think if he divorced his wife and chose me instead. I was happy but so shocked that I couldn’t give him a very good response, and he said, “I’ll try not to think about it too much.” Sometimes I regret it and wonder whether we would have gotten married if I had responded properly back then.
Am I being conceited? Either way, would marriage never have been possible?
Please be honest, even if you have to be harsh. I’d appreciate your opinions.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
It doesn’t come across as sarcastic at all—there’s almost a literary quality to it?? I found myself completely absorbed. My own experience here is rather limited, and things haven’t gone particularly smoothly for me, so I’m not sure how helpful this will be, but I’ll answer from a man’s perspective.
It sounds like the two of you communicate frequently, even talking on the phone every day. You must have a good relationship. Even allowing for the fact that an allowance is part of the arrangement, I imagine relationships like this are a minority here. Perhaps you can take some confidence from that.
Reading between the lines, I suspect your papa (a male supporter) is seeing you while suppressing his own feelings. I’ve never personally wanted to marry a woman I met through Universe Club, but I think your papa said, “It would be nice if that could happen someday,” not as a momentary lapse in judgment, but because he genuinely felt that way. At the same time, I get the impression that he quickly realized it would be difficult in practical terms—and, above all, that he didn’t take action for your sake. You regret not giving him a clear answer, but it was probably for the best that you didn’t say yes.
You’ve been together for a year. For this kind of relationship, that isn’t a short time, but it certainly isn’t a long one either.
I’m afraid this may make you anxious, but around the one-year mark is also when the nature of a relationship can begin to change. In short, things can become routine. Why not approach your next date with the intention of building a new kind of relationship? It might even be good to try something you’ve never done together before.
This time, you’ve managed to get all those lingering feelings off your chest. I hope you’ll be able to slowly and honestly share them with him.
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There are no “what ifs” in life, and I think it’s possible to be closer with a friends-with-benefits partner than with a girlfriend.
With a monthly arrangement, I found it annoying that she kept going on about whether they were a girlfriend and boyfriend, friends with benefits, or married. Try looking at it with the genders reversed.
As any relationship continues, both people naturally become more accustomed to each other. If you feel you’re being treated worse than before, you should talk it over with them.
Having a conversation with the other person would be much more constructive than rambling on about it here.
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