I knew this from the beginning, but I find myself feeling jealous because he seems so happy.
He has a successful career, wonderful friends and colleagues, a beautiful wife and three adorable children, and he’s good-looking too. He can be cold at times, but that’s to protect himself. Basically, he’s kind to people and even has the ability to enjoy life to the fullest.
Maybe I’m jealous of the wrong things, but the more I get to know him, the more miserable I feel about myself.
I suppose I should work harder if I want to be happy, but seeing someone who’s happy without putting in that much effort or going through many hardships—as he himself says—just makes me feel depressed.
How do people like that manage to have everything go right in every area of their lives?
Besides telling me not to worry about it or to work harder, does anyone have any advice?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Other than that, I guess your options are:
- Buy toto BIG every week and aim for a life-changing win
- Use leverage in FX and aim for a huge turnaround
- Work incredibly hard at papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and eventually earn more than your papa (a male supporter)
Something along those lines, haha.
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You do get jealous, right?
I can imagine how painful the situation must be…
Even when you understand something logically,
you can’t always control your emotions.
That doesn’t mean you’re weak—
it’s just how the brain works.
We’re easily misled by the information that comes through our eyes and ears…
That’s also how the brain works.
Things like illusions and assumptions.
“Papa (a male supporter) gained happiness and success without making any effort.”
Isn’t that just an illusion, too?
Maybe papa is carrying deep emotional pain,
or perhaps he’s actually working incredibly hard behind the scenes.
He may simply not tell you,
so you don’t see it.
Try looking at it from a slightly different perspective:
“Your relationship with papa has lasted a year.”
Have you ever wondered, “Why?”
For anyone, continuing the same relationship for a whole year
is actually quite difficult.
If papa thought you were pathetic,
the relationship would have ended long ago.
It has lasted a year because he sees value in you.
Don’t you think?
And please be kinder to yourself, too.
Instead of saying, “I’m a hopeless person who doesn’t make any effort,”
say things like, “I’m doing my best” and “I’m doing great.”
Say them out loud to yourself every day.
Your worth and good qualities
are simply things you can’t see yourself.
Don’t let your brain fool you!
Think about it carefully.
Would someone who truly never made any effort say,
“I should be trying harder”?
It’s me.
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Jealousy is an emotion everyone feels, so I found it quite human of you. There’s nothing wrong with that.
And perhaps it was precisely because you felt jealous that all sorts of thoughts started running through your head. But it’s such a waste to turn that inward and use it to put yourself down instead of channeling it into energy. Your twenties are the time to lay the groundwork—you’ve got plenty to do!
Since I’m an old guy, let me offer some presumptuous advice.
There’s a saying from the woman I greatly admire, Yoko Aki (don’t ask who she is). She says that the ratio of good things to bad things in life is fixed at 51 to 49. In other words, the good things are just a little more numerous. So what you should do is pursue the good things. Probably.
And, while I’m at it, let me give you a little tough love.
Suppose we were at a red-lantern bar in Shimbashi—the three of us, Osamu (congratulations on your engagement!) and you, knocking back Black Hoppy and getting fired up. Once we’d had a few drinks, you suddenly opened up about this so-called dilemma and asked the two of us for advice—while specifically adding that “just try harder” wasn’t allowed.
At that moment, we’d finish off the rest of our now-warm Hoppy, order another round, and then lecture you with “That’s exactly why you’re no good” until closing time. Advice that’s painfully obvious can often be surprisingly useful. The fact that you reject it from the outset is where you’re going wrong.
Good thing this isn’t Shimbashi.
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This is Takei from the staff.
I understand how you feel—deeply. When we see or interact with people whose lives seem to be going well, it’s natural to feel anxious or jealous. I think that’s something many people struggle with.
I came across a quote online from the comedian Kazlaser:
“Trying to become like someone else by comparing yourself to them is pretty difficult. Instead, properly understand who you are now and face the areas where you’re lacking and the things you want to improve. If you keep doing that, you’ll compare yourself with others less often, which is very good for your mental well-being.”
It made me decide to stop longing for what I don’t have and start facing the reality right in front of me.
I know it isn’t easy, but if you’ve been able to maintain a relationship with such a wonderful papa (a male supporter), doesn’t that mean you have wonderful qualities yourself as well?
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It’s true that I only graduated from high school and have been lucky enough to enjoy a comfortable life.
You’re above average in looks too, aren’t you? Find a generous papa (well-paying) or a doctor to marry, and turn your life around.
Of course, you could always succeed through your own career too.
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In my view, any man who belongs to a dating club is already “uncool”—or, to put it bluntly, a loser.
I happen to like both self-aware losers and those who don’t realize they’re losers, so I like all the other male members too. They’re entertaining.
And all losers are equal, so I don’t feel jealous of them at all.
Now, to the main point.
I find losers with reasons behind them interesting. I have no interest in losers without a reason. But in reality, there isn’t a single loser without a reason. Every one of them is a loser for a reason.
In other words, that papa is simply hiding it. More importantly, you haven’t managed to draw out his interesting or pathetic side.
Finally, this is just my gut feeling, but I suspect that papa is actually a big submissive. Try restraining his arms and legs and whipping him. Seeing how happy that makes him, I don’t think you’ll feel miserable about yourself.
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If you feel that your past life was good, I believe good things will continue to happen.
People who aren’t grateful for their past may keep experiencing situations that give them nothing to be grateful for.
The past can’t be changed, but the way you think about it can.
How do you view the life you’ve lived so far? If you believe that both the good and bad experiences have brought you to where you are today, your present—and your future—will start to look brighter.
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I understand how you feel. It can make you envious, can’t it?
But personally, I believe that life is largely shaped by luck. There are many times when our lives take a turn for the better because we happened to meet someone at a certain moment, or because something happened at just the right time—things beyond our own abilities.
So I think luck plays a major role.
Some people are highly capable and work incredibly hard yet never succeed, while others experience the opposite. In my case, I’m a typical example of someone who succeeded more through luck than ability or effort, so I’m very grateful for the luck I’ve had.
You, too, were lucky to be born in a country without war and with relatively little rape or similar violence, and into an environment where you can attend university if you work hard. You can enjoy delicious food and fall in love with the men you like—in global terms, wouldn’t you say you’ve been blessed with an exceptionally fortunate life?
So I think you should first recognize how lucky you are. After that, I believe all you can do is build up good karma.
Wouldn’t it be boring if your luck never changed, no matter how much good or bad you did? That’s why I think you should actively do good things, believing that your luck will improve as you build up good karma.
I also think the lucky life you have now is partly because of the good karma you’ve accumulated. If you build up even more, you may encounter even more wonderful opportunities.
Sorry for the long ramblings of an old man.
Best of luck.
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You should stop being the kind of person who adds conditions like “Anything but ‘don’t worry about it’ or ‘try harder’” when asking someone else for a favor.
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