I’m a married man doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). One of the PJs I’ve met has a wonderful personality, and I’m starting to develop feelings for her. My wife used to be a model and spends money like water, so I never had the funds to do papa-katsu before. But my side business started going well, and once I had a little extra money, I decided to give it a try.

I also got divorced after giving my wife a large sum of money. Being single and free is the best—long live divorce. I’m actually on a hot-springs trip in Ise right now. That said, there’s no point in seriously falling for a woman who already has a boyfriend. I need to take a good look in the mirror. Let’s keep enjoying our allowance-based relationships, just like before.

If you like her, just tell her you do. If she has another guy she likes, then the question is how you can get her to turn her attention toward you. That said, you should recognize that a relationship propped up by money is on a completely different level from one built on genuine mutual feelings. The undeniable reason you’re able to date this woman right now is the power of money. You haven’t actually connected emotionally by talking about how much you like each other. So don’t get the wrong idea—face her while recognizing that your current relationship is one where you’re not having H (and can’t). Otherwise, you’ll let your guard down, and in the end, I don’t think you’ll ever move beyond the “familiar regular customer” category, as they say in the world of sex work. Even if you do successfully form a genuine connection with her, you’ll then face the question of what happens next. What are you going to do about your family? That sort of thing… It’s not simply an either-or issue; there are compromises in the gray areas. But the road is undeniably difficult and takes a considerable amount of energy. If you’ve really fallen for her, it’s certainly possible—but I wouldn’t recommend it（笑） I think the safest approach is to show affection within the framework of a financial relationship: enjoy a highly simulated version of romance. For the woman, there’s no risk, no burden, and nothing to get hurt over. No one dislikes receiving money. The only people who dislike it are those who are serious about their feelings. As long as you don’t make anyone take it seriously, everyone can be happy. I think that’s what it means to “play clean.” If I were recommending one approach to someone else, I’d definitely recommend this one. It’s not for me, though（笑） Taro

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with developing romantic feelings. There are various ways to deal with it. My recommendation is to double the allowance. If you still can’t control your feelings, double it again. By that point, you’ll probably run out of money and be able to bow out naturally. Highly recommended!

Why not start by divorcing your current wife? After that, you could remarry someone you’re truly happy with and build a happy home together. Then, once you’ve done that, it won’t be too late to take up papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Only after you’ve built a happy relationship—with plenty of gratitude toward women, and with both yourself and your wife or partner being happy—should you consider papa-katsu. In another ten years, though, that may become nearly impossible. As things stand, I feel you may continue mistaking this for love. Your chances of finding fulfillment—for both yourself and the women you meet—would be far higher if you came into the picture as a papa whom women genuinely like.

I suppose feelings can develop too. But as things stand, this relationship depends on the allowance, so wouldn’t it fall apart if the allowance stopped? When you look at it that way, I don’t see any reason to try to make it work without the allowance.

You’re not a child, so why not make your own decisions? Personally, since I’m not a child either, even if I develop feelings, I can naturally keep the relationship within reasonable boundaries. Besides, most women would probably just back away if some older guy came on to them by pushing his romantic feelings. If you’re worrying so much about whether you can control yourself, I think you’re better off not getting involved in a relationship.