I signed up with Universe for the first time and have met the man who made me an offer about four times.
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Maybe because I was able to properly satisfy his needs on the first and second dates, he told me, “I want you to stop seeing other people. I’ll support you properly in return. I’ll buy up all your available days this month, so give them to me.” I agreed and offered him around seven dates.
But after using only two of those seven days, he started canceling at the last minute…
While I’m reflecting that maybe I was able to handle the adult relationship properly but didn’t know how to speak in a way that made him feel respected, the arrangement was pay-per-meeting, so if he doesn’t meet me, I don’t receive any allowance.
I was counting on receiving the allowance for the remaining five days, so honestly, this is really difficult. Since he hasn’t blocked me on LINE, I feel like I can’t quite cut things off either—he only messages me the day before to say he can’t make it after all.
I’d like to learn from this for future arrangements, but is it common for someone to make you their exclusive partner and then back off after deciding, “Actually, this isn’t what I want”?
Was I simply naive for believing his sweet words? Do people generally continue seeing several partners secretly?
I’m starting to lose faith in people.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
This may sound harsh, but after meeting four times, maybe he decided, “This woman isn’t interesting…”
Did you properly satisfy what he wanted? That’s just your interpretation, isn’t it? I don’t think you were able to have an adult relationship (intimate).
So you weren’t able to speak in a way that made him feel valued…
But simply making the other person feel valued isn’t enough.
Did you buy something because you were counting on receiving an allowance?
What if you didn’t receive it after spending money based on that expectation? Please imagine the situation—it’s very risky.
Even if you say you’re in your twenties, did you only recently turn 20?
Also, asking you to focus on him exclusively or quit the platform would violate the rules, so there’s no need to listen to that.
With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you never know when the relationship might end. Arrangements that last a long time are probably only one out of dozens.
And personally, I don’t think you should trust papa (male supporters) too much. They all tell you, “You’re the only one.” Of course, women say that too.
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When someone asks you to become their exclusive partner, ask for the monthly allowance upfront right away.
If they can’t pay in advance, there’s no such thing as an exclusive arrangement. Start looking for someone else immediately.
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To be honest, I don’t think people make that judgment based on how well you flatter the other person. If he thought things were going well after two meetings, then started keeping his distance after two more, it may have been an issue with intimacy.
At first, women are usually relaxed and natural, so they may respond well and make you think, “This could be something!” You then make your best offer, only to feel genuinely disappointed when she switches into work mode and shows none of the progress you were hoping for. Put more simply, you get tired of the little act she’s putting on.
That said, I think the man is partly to blame. Instead of bringing up talk about “taking her off the market,” he should have focused on meeting up as soon as possible and building a good relationship through repeated dates. If she was physically compatible, perhaps he could simply have gone ahead and made an offer without overthinking it. But when it comes to how responsive she is, her mental state plays a role, so you need to build the relationship carefully and nurture those signs.
Ladies, no matter what a man tells you, I think you should make your own judgment rather than take it at face value. Especially in the early stages, putting all your eggs in one basket is a bad idea.
Taro
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That’s looking at it backwards.
There’s nothing good to be said about a man who says, “I want you to stop seeing other people.”
It’s up to the woman to decide whether, after seeing someone a few times, she naturally becomes tired of meeting anyone else. The right to choose belongs to her.
A man who gets chosen has enough confidence and emotional security that he doesn’t need to say something like that himself.
To say that after only two meetings, then start repeatedly canceling at the last minute after the fourth meeting—I find that completely unacceptable, especially since I meet women almost every time they say they want to see me.
That said, it’s also true that there are very few women—or male-female pairings—with whom you genuinely want to meet five times or more.
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It was naïve of you to trust “I’m your only papa” after only about four dates.
If something like this is enough to make you lose faith in people, I think this kind of activity simply isn’t for you, and you should quit.
Leaving aside the issue of being exclusive, it’s quite common to say goodbye after just a few dates because you decide it’s no longer working for you.
In my experience, things don’t really become stable until you’ve been seeing each other for at least six months.
There may be men who want to focus on just one woman, but I think it’s rare for women to limit themselves to just one man.
When things end, men can easily look for someone new, whereas women generally have to wait for the next offer to come along.
If you commit to just one person, you can suddenly find yourself in financial trouble, as happened to you this time.
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What the questioner experienced? This is pretty common, probably not just at Universe.
To begin with, the satisfaction from the first two meetings may not have been as high as you thought. I don’t know how spread out those seven meetings were, but it’s likely that either they got bored or could no longer afford it.
Before you lose faith in people, try to find a way of seeing each other that keeps both of you interested. For now, try moving a little more vigorously than usual next time.
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What does “buy you out” even mean?
I’m not sure whether that’s what the man actually said or just how you interpreted it, and I’m also unclear whether he was talking about your arrangement in the first place.
Personally, I think it’s unwise to take someone at their word when they say things like they want to have you all to themselves after only meeting a few times. I feel that people who speak without thinking about the consequences often don’t mean much by what they say.
I don’t know if this is typical, but I tell my partners that I’m seeing multiple people, and the women I’m seeing also tell me when they’re dating multiple partners.
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