The other day, when I met a man for the third time, he forced anal penetration on me at a hotel without my consent.
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During my lunch break today, I spoke with the occupational physician at my company, who is also a licensed clinical psychologist, and told him that “a man I had been seeing subjected me to an act I had not consented to at a hotel.” He introduced me to an attorney who specializes in cases involving sexual abuse of women.
I’m going to the law office, where I’ll honestly explain exactly what happened. After that, I’ll go to the hospital, get examined, and obtain a medical certificate.
What this man did is absolutely unforgivable. Pursuing criminal charges or a civil case may be difficult, but I’m still having pain in my abdomen and buttocks, and whenever I think about it, I feel angry and frustrated.
The attorney is contracted by my company and apparently knowledgeable about sexual crimes against women and groping, so I’ll ask about everything, including legal fees. Even if filing a complaint turns out to be impossible, I intend to learn what I can for the sake of my future.
Thank you to everyone who answered.
People whose preferences suddenly change so drastically, like the man I met, may be extremely rare.
I also received some harsh comments, such as: “You’ve lost faith in people? Did you really get involved in this without knowing about those risks? Do you even have a brain?”
I was fully aware of the risks. It may be more accurate to say that I’ve lost faith in men, rather than in people in general. And while I may not be as capable as some of the respondents here, I did study for entrance exams, graduate from university, and get a job at a company, so I believe I do have a brain.
Even if criminal charges, a civil lawsuit, compensation, and everything else all come to nothing, I intend to do everything I can. Of course, I’ll also contact the club.
I’m truly devastated.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
Since my comment has been brought up, I feel I should respond.
What I wrote about you was, in a sense, a form of secondary victimization. Looking back, I went too far. I can’t take it back, but I sincerely apologize.
When I first read your post, I thought there probably wasn’t much you could do. However, you clearly have no intention of letting this remain unresolved. I respect your determination.
I’m a man, and I’m not particularly perceptive about women’s feelings, so it may be difficult for me to fully empathize with you. Still, I’ll try to think about this based on my own experience.
If you want to seek some form of social accountability through a lawyer, you will basically need information about the other person. You may already have provided the information you know, such as his name and occupation. Have you retained a lawyer? I think it would be best to leave the gathering of information and contacting him to the lawyer. Lawyers have investigative authority, whereas if you conduct the investigation yourself, it could potentially constitute an unlawful act.
If you take some kind of action, such as seeking compensation for emotional distress, I believe there are broadly two major issues:
1. You received a certain amount of money.
2. Whether or not there was consent.
Regarding the second point, if it had been ordinary sex, you presumably would not have had an issue with it. The question will be whether you consented to anal sex. You strongly and repeatedly refused. If that can be proven, there may at least be a possibility of a charge for quasi-forcible sexual intercourse. However, you would be the one responsible for proving it. You may already know this, but it will be an uphill battle. You may also have already read it, but journalist Shiori Ito’s book about her own experience of rape might be helpful as a reference.
I’m not an expert at all, so I can’t say anything definitive, but from your post, I feel that you need emotional care as well as treatment for your physical pain. If there is a specialist nearby, it might be a good idea to consult one. For reasons completely unrelated to yours, I have also seen a psychosomatic medicine specialist, and it helped me calm down somewhat.
I hope you can regain your physical and emotional peace as soon as possible, without blaming yourself.
Once again, I sincerely apologize for what I said.
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Sorry I couldn’t comment sooner.
I’m glad to hear that you’ve been introduced to an occupational physician who will be on your side, as well as a reliable lawyer.
As 日月新さん mentioned, they have a duty of confidentiality, so even if the lawyer is connected to the company, they won’t report the details of the matter to the company. I think you can feel comfortable consulting them. It’s best to be as honest as possible, because that will allow them to accurately explain what they can and cannot do for you.
As you understand, that man is a criminal. I believe he should be held properly accountable, so please make sure to ask the lawyer to help you.
Fighting this may be emotionally exhausting, but I believe that when people like you speak up and persevere, it can help prevent these tragic incidents from happening again. Please stay strong. I’m rooting for you.
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It sounds like you’ve found a good lawyer, and that alone is something to be grateful for. Good lawyers can be hard to come by.
Both occupational physicians and lawyers are bound by confidentiality. If you’re worried, make sure to clearly reiterate anything you don’t want shared with your company.
This message board is basically a place where people post whatever comes to mind for free. You shouldn’t take everything you read here at face value. Think of it as little more than graffiti in a restroom.
Even if it’s just restroom graffiti, you can take whatever seems useful and ignore the rest. That choice is up to you.
Try not to let online comments make you overly happy or upset. Some people take them too seriously—to the point of even taking their own lives—but that would be such a waste.
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I understand the circumstances, but I think you should carefully consider whether to tell them that you’ve done papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or that you were active through a dating club.
Ask yourself whether you’ll truly gain anything by sharing that information.
The reaction will likely be different depending on whether you describe him as “a man you were seeing” or disclose that you had an adult relationship (intimate) in exchange for an allowance this time.
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