Without mentioning the hometown tax donation, why not just say, “Hmm… next time, I’d like us to choose one together at a store”?
I didn’t realize some local governments offer necklaces as hometown tax donation gifts.
I’m Nichigetsu Arata, a male member.
I understand now that you can’t simply accept being told that something chosen for you from a limited selection through furusato nozei is a “gift,” even though the effective out-of-pocket cost is only ¥2,000.
I also understand that this isn’t a relationship where you can honestly say that you’re unhappy about it.
Regardless of how the furusato nozei system works or how much the item you actually receive is worth, there’s clearly a major clash with your personal idea of what a “gift” should be.
Your options seem to be: 1) end the relationship; 2) accept the risk of the relationship ending, find the courage to say it face-to-face, and deal with the hassle of being honest; or 3) accept it without worrying too much, offer a token thank-you, and continue the relationship.
Since money is involved, perhaps you can’t simply choose one outright. Why not decide each time, depending on the circumstances?
If the gift were a pure-gold accessory, you could at least convert it into cash immediately, regardless of its design.
Putting aside the woman’s delicate feelings about “gifts,” here’s my opinion as someone who uses furusato nozei.
The cost of furusato nozei isn’t simply the ¥2,000 you pay. It’s true that the amount will be deducted from next year’s residential tax, but because you pay it upfront this year, your cash and savings decrease first. If you pay a set amount before your income has been finalized, there is a risk that you won’t get the full amount back through deductions.
I’m not sure what the “¥300,000 (¥2,000)” refers to, but I assume you mean a furusato nozei contribution of ¥300,000, with an effective out-of-pocket cost of ¥2,000.
From the perspective of someone who uses furusato nozei, if you contribute ¥300,000, it would be perfectly reasonable to receive food or pure gold worth around ¥90,000 at home.
By using it as someone else’s gift, you’re effectively giving up something worth ¥90,000 that you could have used for yourself.
That said, even I personally think using a tax-deduction reward as a “gift” is a poor choice.
Still, if he’s someone you can genuinely care about as a person, there may be some reason to continue the relationship. But what do you think?
I had a lot of fun choosing various things on the hometown tax donation site while logged in as my papa.
He’ll probably say something like, “You can still spend about this much this year.”
The consumable items were delivered to my home for me to use, and for the experience-based ones, we went together and had a great time.
You could simply say, “Let me choose next time, too!”
Marika
You’ll only end up stressed if you’re dating someone you can’t be completely honest and direct with, right?
It’s better to say it right away, but if you’re already unable to speak your mind, that probably means the relationship is already at that point where you can’t.
A papa (a male supporter) is supposed to enjoy making a woman feel comfortable—that’s what papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) should be about. So I think it’s fine to look for someone like that.
I’m not sure what “¥300,000 (¥2,000)” means.
Maybe it’s ¥2,000 if you sell it?
If you’re getting a cash allowance, isn’t that good enough? If you complain, he might just cut you off and end things. You could say something if he’s a nasty papa.
P.S. Maybe the ¥2,000 is the papa’s actual out-of-pocket cost after deductions.
He may feel hurt if you tell him, but if it really made you uncomfortable, I think it’s okay to say so.
Even if you end things, you can both take it as a good thing that you didn’t continue seeing someone you weren’t compatible with.
