Advice, please.

It really sounds like you’re exaggerating—or simply making the whole thing up. > Being told I’d be given money, only not to receive it, is apparently normal -> Why don’t you get it upfront? Just clearly say, “If you’re not giving it to me upfront, there won’t be anything after this.” > An older man who took my bread > An older man who took my free coupon -> That’s theft, robbery, a crime. It’s absolutely a 911 matter. To the person who posted the question: Don’t you yourself think your story is far too unrealistic? Also, you call them “stingy,” but what exactly are you using as your standard? To be clear, the only amount explicitly stipulated in this club’s rules as something a man gives a woman is ¥5,000–¥10,000 for transportation at the first meeting. That’s it. Let’s first clarify what standard you’re using. Toward the end of your question, you say you consider their sense of money “normal,” but what standard are you using to define “normal”? (Although I also find it questionable that the women’s profiles on this club say things like, “Mr. ___ seems to have a normal sense of money.”) I absolutely hate the word “normal” and deliberately avoid using it. As I’ve said repeatedly, what “normal” refers to can change endlessly depending on where you set the standard, and what you use as that standard. Finally, this is somewhat beside the point of the question, but some people answering it say things like: 1–2, or maybe 3 -> dating sites or matching apps At least 5 -> this club But there’s no basis for that either. It isn’t written anywhere in the rules. I’ve heard that some other clubs even set the allowance amount themselves, but here, the terms are negotiated between the two people involved. If they can’t reach an agreement, it’s perfectly acceptable to say goodbye. Isn’t that precisely one of the good things about this club? (I’m deliberately calling it a “good thing.”) Because people write things like, “If you can’t offer at least five figures, you’re disqualified as a papa (a male supporter) at this club,” others end up posting completely nonsensical questions like, “I couldn’t get 50,000 for an adult relationship (intimate), so I feel like my value was being judged as low”—even though that’s an entirely separate issue. Both men and women should strictly refrain from posts that misleadingly present things with no basis in the rules as though they were unwritten rules of this club.

Because you haven’t ended things with this unpleasant papa, he probably thinks you’re fine with things as they are. In a sense, you’re allowing him to treat you that way. This isn’t a sex service, so women are free to decline an arrangement. If your appearance means you only receive offers from papas like that, you may have no choice but to put up with it for the money. But never revealing your partner’s personal information—including his workplace—is a basic rule of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Why not help with your father’s business, start something with funding from him, or make the most of the abilities you were born with and find a way out of that unpleasant situation?

Maybe it’s because people who don’t really need to do it are the ones participating—and that attracts those kinds of men… If someone were truly struggling, they wouldn’t have the time or energy to deal with that. They probably wouldn’t be able to give the other person much attention, either… A papa (a male supporter) would probably find it boring if he wasn’t welcomed, too. I think there’s a world of difference between you and those whose appreciation, gratitude, and sense of value naturally shine through because they genuinely need the support. Spending time on papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) when you don’t need to is a waste. You might be better off spending your time on something more meaningful.

The ones who actually cause problems are: Those who don’t give you any money: they keep pestering you for dates before breaking things off, so never see them again. The old guys who try to get you to agree to 20,000 yen: cut them loose. The ones who use soap instead of lube: bring your own lotion. It’s a 1,000-yen necessary expense. As for bread, ice cream, and coupons, I guess you can just make jokes about them and laugh it off. Try reading Romane’s “Cinderella” column. Those guys might actually be better than that. What makes them act that way? Maybe you’re accepting too little at the first meeting. Anyone who can’t even offer 50,000 yen probably thinks this is a dating app. You don’t have to tell them what your parents do for a living until you’ve gotten closer. It’s none of their business, and it’s risky from a privacy standpoint.

After reading your question, I got the impression that you were enjoying your arrangements. That said, I can certainly see how there might be papas like that—especially ones who are hard to meet—and I can’t help but smile wryly. It sounds like you’ve had a lot of experiences, which is probably unusual in my experience, so I think they’ll become good memories. If something starts to feel strange while you’re doing papa-katsu, it might be a good idea to take a break from it for a while.

Most men probably wouldn’t do something like that for a woman who seems financially sensible or well-off. I also doubt they’d do it for a woman who appears poor. Most women probably wouldn’t prepare a 50,000-yen birthday present for the man they’re dating, either. If I had to guess what makes someone act that way—or to put it as kindly as possible—I’d say it’s because you come across as someone who is hard to dislike, but seems to be lacking something. That impression came through very strongly in your question. Think carefully for yourself about what exactly might be missing.