A man told me that he used to give the women he dated ¥300,000 a month, plus around ¥300,000 for each special occasion.

Question

In reality, my relationship with him is a transactional relationship. It seems that even when he meets multiple women through the same club, he chooses his favorites and tells them to date only him, asking for a relationship that isn’t transactional. With the others, though, he seems to maintain transactional relationships. He spends an entire day with them, takes them to expensive restaurants, and seems to treat them exceptionally well. For a moment, I felt envious, but for me, having an income from multiple papas that exceeds ¥300,000 is more stable and easier than receiving ¥300,000 from just one person, so I’m happy with things as they are. Even though I have multiple papas, each one treats me well and does his best to support me in his own way. There’s nothing strange about a man like this existing, but why would he tell me about it? Anyone can make grand claims with words alone, and if his actions don’t back them up, I just find it embarrassing. In this case, my papa is the type who only wants to pay below the going rate, and I’ve accepted that. But acting like, “I can do all this for the women I date,” seems counterproductive unless he’s actually offering the going rate or more in allowance. When he talks like that, I actually feel as though he’s telling me that I’m not worth much. It only makes him seem stingy, and I end up thinking he looks uncool. I’m not suited to a ¥300,000-a-month arrangement, and I couldn’t maintain that level of relationship anyway, so I’m not looking for one. But from my perspective, men who pay ¥100,000 or more a month meet a woman because they want to have her exclusively. They know that ¥100,000 isn’t enough to demand that, though, so they don’t try to tie her down that much. Once it reaches ¥300,000, do they generally refuse to let her meet other men? Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

Whether a woman continues seeing multiple men has more to do with her own mindset than with the men themselves, I think. As Kazu said, I’m not the type to interfere with whether she sees other men or not. I also generally pay a flat allowance of 50,000 yen per meeting, but some women meet me more often than others. The women I see frequently tend to fall into two groups. One type chooses to see only me and voluntarily stops seeing other men. The other continues seeing other papas no matter how often we meet—and may even actively seek out new connections. Those who voluntarily stop often have a “know when you have enough” mindset and prioritize balancing this with work, school, or a regular part-time job. Those who don’t stop seem driven either by dissatisfaction with their current situation or by anxiety. Even if a man tries to control them by offering amounts like 100,000 or 1,000,000 yen, their behavior won’t change. It stems from something fundamental in their sense of self. I also don’t think male possessiveness is related to money. Do you really think a man who can’t afford to pay but is highly possessive will simply give up? Of course not. If he can’t use money, he’ll apply psychological pressure or resort to some other tactic. Couldn’t the papa in the question have been trying to psychologically steer her by bringing up the previous “300,000 yen” offer, implying, “If you only see me, I can give you an even better time”? It seems like the questioner was actually close to falling into that trap.

Answer 2

There are all kinds of men. But to put it bluntly, the reality is that you’re receiving money in exchange for offering your body. You’re taking money from the side that a man worked to earn. How dare you say, “He’s doing his very best to support me,” or “That’s so uncool”? You’re the one who doesn’t know your place.

Answer 3

I’m Nichigetsu Arata, a male member. I can’t tell whether his claim that he pays another woman ¥300,000 is true or not. But if, in reality, he’s offering below-market, pay-per-meeting allowances, why not think about whether to continue seeing him based on how he actually treats you? People can say anything. If you’d like to continue seeing this man on the condition that he pays you ¥300,000, it seems you should simply talk to him openly and work out the terms. He might genuinely offer to pay you that amount and ask you to stop seeing anyone else. Of course, he may also claim that the ¥300,000 was a lie—or make the excuse that although he can afford it, you’re not worth paying that much—and in the end, you may not receive the ¥300,000 either way. He may be dangling the carrot of “If you devote yourself to me more, you could move up to the position of someone worth paying ¥300,000.” If so, I get the impression he may not really intend to pay you. That said, some women dislike men who are overbearing, even if they offer a high allowance. If you’re unhappy with the arrangement as it is, you can choose not to see him anymore. You can also negotiate to find out whether he’s telling the truth, or simply continue seeing him as things are. As a woman, you should be free to make whichever choice feels right to you. Words are ultimately just empty promises. I think you’ll have fewer needless worries if you judge the situation based on the substance—his attitude and actions—rather than what he says.

Answer 4

Is it about the man’s level of satisfaction? Some men who offer ¥300,000 or more can also be quite controlling, so don’t worry about men who aren’t your type. There’s nothing wrong with seeing multiple supporters.

Answer 5

You could just ask him directly. If you pressed him for more details face-to-face, you might find something out. Since you don’t even do that, I suppose he sees no value in being involved with you. But if you’re both satisfied with that kind of relationship, then perhaps your expectations are aligned, which is fine, isn’t it? I couldn’t help thinking it was pretty uncool to avoid confronting the person you’re seeing and instead write a garbled post in an anonymous question box. For what it’s worth, I also had a partner I was giving over ¥300,000 a month to, and she told me she was seeing other men. I assume Mac feels the same way. So I think the amount of the monthly allowance and how one feels about her seeing other men are separate issues.

A man told me that he used to give the women he dated ¥300,000 a month, plus around ¥300,000 for each special occasion.

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A man told me that he used to give the women he dated ¥300,000 a month, plus around ¥300,000 for each special occasion.

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