I can’t feel happy

Happiness comes from within you—something you feel in your own heart. It isn’t something that someone or something else can give you. Even becoming the best at something or getting rich doesn’t necessarily make you happy. Just being born in Japan, rather than in a conflict zone, is already lucky. Being cute isn’t everything, either. People at the top have their own problems, and people at the bottom have theirs. You can also choose to think, “I’m glad I’m somewhere in the middle.” Depending on how you look at things, you can feel either happy or unhappy...

I’m Higetsu Shin, a male member. I think one characteristic of people who can’t be happy is that they compare themselves to others. Comparing yourself to people above you makes you unhappy, while comparing yourself to people below you makes you feel happy—but in the end, it’s the same thing. Someone who has been given a terminal prognosis may feel happy simply to wake up alive in the morning. But even a healthy young person could die in an accident today, so the fact that we’re alive right now is truly something to be grateful for. If we take it for granted, though, there’s neither happiness nor gratitude in it. One thing I often see in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is people saying, “The going rate online is this much, but the allowance I receive is high,” or “It’s low.” But how much someone receives ultimately depends on their compatibility with the person paying and that person’s financial situation. It shouldn’t be treated as something that determines a woman’s worth. If we were talking about a product like a used car, where there are set items to check and a pricing method similar to an auction, then money could determine the value of the item. But it doesn’t make sense to say that a person’s value is determined by money. It’s simply the result of efforts such as knowing how to market yourself, being able to identify the right partner, and how seriously and enthusiastically you approach it. I think we should question the idea that money can reveal someone’s value. If money were an absolute measure, you could say that you’re worth the equivalent of however many convenience-store coffees. If we break down human value that way, does it eventually become equal to the value of coffee? I can’t really speak from a position of superiority, though, since when I watch shows like *Antiques Appraisal*, I’m more often amazed by an item’s appraisal price than by its beauty.

The higher you aim, the harder it is until you reach the top. And once you’re number one, it becomes even tougher because you can’t afford to lose anymore. If you can convince yourself that being somewhere in the middle is enough, life gets easier—but if you can’t, you have no choice but to keep climbing. Don’t just look upward; every now and then, turn around and look down. When you’re hiking and stop to rest, you look back and think, “Wow, I’ve come this far.” It gives you the energy to start climbing again. Life might become a little easier if you approach it the same way. So, the book I recommend is *If It’s Not Gloomy, It’s Not Work*. All the best. Taro

Why You Don’t Feel Happy The simple truth is that your self-esteem is low. I’m not supposed to post links here, but try searching for the book “Inner Mother” on Amazon or elsewhere. You should read one of Dr. Saito’s books sometime. You can probably find a used copy for less than 500 yen.

You’re getting your point across well. Don’t just look up—look down as well. There’s always someone below you, too（笑） Since this is a Q&A forum for dating clubs, let me add one thing: I’m sure there are plenty of wealthy people, but even among them, there are people above and below one another. And among those who can’t afford to join a dating club, there are people across the whole spectrum as well. What I’m trying to say is, rather than comparing yourself to people above or below you, I think it’s better to ask yourself: Are you happy right now? What would help you feel that your life has meaning? It sounds like you recently started a part-time job and have been working hard without missing any shifts. I hope you can find even a little happiness and fulfillment in being able to work there. When you live that way, you stop worrying so much about who’s above or below you. I’m more or less an impoverished old man myself. No amount of money ever feels like enough, and I’ve also had plenty of experience being rejected by women at dating clubs. So, if anything, I’m near the bottom of the dating-club hierarchy—but I’ve met women who are willing to spend time with me, and I’m enjoying life to the fullest. You seem to be somewhere in the middle, so that’s not bad at all（笑）

It didn’t come across. I’m not sure about setting such a vague goal as “moving up,” and I think there’s something inherently unreasonable about a goal that seems to require becoming number one, since there will always be someone above you. I believe there’s happiness to be found in staying somewhere in the middle, too. I consider myself an ordinary middle-aged guy, but I’m perfectly happy. I also find it strange that comparisons with other people come up when talking about happiness. I don’t know what has influenced you, but I think you’ve simply been poisoned by something silly and become unable to feel happiness.