Over the years, I’ve met more than a hundred men through group dates, being approached by strangers, introductions from friends, matchmaking events, hostess clubs, Universe Club, dating apps, and so on.
Almost every man I met for the first time told me, “You’re beautiful” or “You’re gorgeous.” I took their words at face value, but recently something happened that made me wonder.
There was an event at the company I work for, and my boss’s son and his wife, who are both in their mid-20s, attended. I went over to greet them, but the conversation didn’t really get going and things became awkward. In the moment, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “Your wife is beautiful.”
I didn’t actually think she was beautiful or cute—I just said it to get through the awkward situation somehow.
That made me suddenly think: Maybe the men I’ve met were saying those things in the same way, just to get through the moment. Like, “Just compliment her for now.”
Another woman from one of our business partners was there as well, and she really was beautiful. But strangely, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her, “You’re beautiful!”
When someone is genuinely beautiful, don’t you usually just think, “Wow, she’s beautiful,” without actually saying “You’re beautiful” or “You’re gorgeous” when meeting her for the first time?
What do you all think? Do you only tell someone they’re beautiful if you truly think they are? Or do you avoid complimenting someone who clearly isn’t attractive, but compliment someone with an average appearance because they probably won’t mind hearing it?
Thinking that most of the hundred-plus men I’ve met were just giving me polite compliments is making me feel like I can’t trust people.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
Some people are just being polite, while others may genuinely mean it. There’s no point worrying about it endlessly, so just let it go.
Men want women to think well of them, and some may hope it leads to an adult relationship. Men with strong hunter instincts may also think they can get somewhere by complimenting you.
Even after dealing with hundreds of men, it’s still hard to understand what goes on in a man’s mind, isn’t it?
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Thanks for your question. I’ll answer this one too.
> If I’ve been receiving nothing but polite compliments, I feel like I’m going to lose faith in people.
Whether everyone you’ve met so far was just being polite is something you can probably figure out by reflecting on those encounters yourself.
I don’t really understand why that would make you lose faith in people, though. In Japan especially, I feel that polite social niceties are considered important.
Would you rather live in a world where people don’t bother with them and openly say things like, “You’re ugly”? That sounds like it would become a pretty harsh world, which honestly scares me.
That said, not everyone is lying. You just need to distinguish between genuine comments and polite remarks and take them accordingly.
> Do people ever think, “I can’t compliment someone who clearly isn’t attractive, but if they look average, they probably won’t mind being complimented, so I’ll say something nice anyway”?
No, not me.
Anyone who’s met me probably knows this, but I pretty much say whatever I’m thinking. (笑)
I don’t think I’d ever call someone beautiful if I didn’t actually think they were.
Although, to begin with, I don’t really care much about appearance—I mostly focus on a person’s character—so I may not fully understand why people worry so much about looks.
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When someone is genuinely beautiful, I usually just think to myself, “Wow, she’s beautiful…”
Well, that’s simply the truth（笑）
That said, I think you must be reasonably attractive yourself. It’s pretty hard to tell someone who is obviously “ugly” that they’re beautiful（笑）
Still, people generally embellish their compliments a little, so don’t take everything at face value. Just keep that in mind—you don’t need to become distrustful of everyone（笑）
As others have said, it’s a good idea to pause and ask yourself, “Is that really true?” Maybe they were complimenting your clear skin or the way you did your makeup（笑）
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I’m a 49-year-old man who “finally” got married.
From the day I first met my wife to this very day, I haven’t said “You’re beautiful” or “You’re pretty” even once.
That’s all.
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I’m terribly sorry to ask, but are you perhaps an idiot?
You only realized those were just polite formalities because you met a man offering a six-figure allowance—but if you’d figured it out a little sooner, things might have gone differently. And then your conclusion is, “I feel like I’m going to lose faith in people”? Your brain has completely leaked out. Still, you seem young, so there’s plenty of time to turn things around. For now, please stop the rest of your brain from leaking out.
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Some people find happiness in meeting someone through places like that, even if it involves a three-figure amount.
Others meet their romantic partner or spouse outside such places, without any three- or two-figure amounts involved.
It’s only natural for places like that to be full of polite social niceties.
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Do you want me to tell you, “I’ve never actually seen you, but I’m sure you’re beautiful—it’s not just flattery or a social nicety”?
I’m not going to say that.
In the first place, if you can meet and talk to someone even on your first encounter at a place where people meet with the intention of developing a relationship, then it’s hard to believe you can’t find anything to say when meeting your boss’s son and his wife at a work event.
Couldn’t you briefly explain how your boss has supported you, or talk a little about the event?
And if you’re supposedly several times more attractive than me, telling a wife who isn’t even cute, “You’re beautiful,” is unbelievably rude.
As a working adult, you should try to become someone with a little more substance. Conversations will be much easier to keep going.
By the way, I’m not very good at complimenting people’s appearance, so I generally don’t do it.
Marika
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Unless you’re close to someone, you don’t comment on their appearance. I consider that basic good manners.
Once I’ve grown close to someone I’m dating, I’ll tell them they’re beautiful when I genuinely think so.
I also think it’s questionable that the person asking is trying to turn this into an issue of distrust and blame others, without reflecting on their own foolishness for taking shallow flattery at face value.
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