This may be a somewhat complicated question and perhaps not suitable for this Q&A section, so please bear with me.
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I received an offer from a new female member I was interested in. We met in person and talked, and I thought she was a wonderful woman!!
She had received around a dozen offers, so I told her, “That’s great!! There are probably all kinds of men here, so you should meet as many as you can and hopefully find someone you’re compatible with. If you ever feel like it, please contact me too.” We ended our first dinner there.
Since she was such a lovely woman, I assumed she would end up dating a good man.
A few weeks later, she contacted me and asked if we could meet again.
Apparently, one of the other men who had made her an offer looked down on her, saying something along the lines of, “You’d actually do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) just to…” When I met her again, she was deeply hurt by what had happened and said she had already withdrawn from the club.
In the end, it seems she has no intention of returning to the club. She said, “If it’s possible, I’d be happy if I could date you for a while.” (Though I don’t think that necessarily means I’m an especially attractive man.)
What I’m wondering is this: Looking down on women who do papa-katsu is a matter of personal freedom, but if a man dislikes papa-katsu women, why would he be a member of a dating club in the first place?
Aren’t men doing essentially the same thing?
And what about men who do papa-katsu themselves? What do you think of that? I do it too, after all…
Is having a mistress considered a status symbol when you’re wealthy, while papa-katsu is something people feel guilty or ashamed about?
I’m sure there are many different opinions, but is papa-katsu itself really something to be ashamed of?
Sorry for the rather trivial question.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
There are all kinds of people out there.
But you should be happy, questioner. She’s a wonderful woman, isn’t she?
The other papas—some of whom made double-digit offers—self-destructed, and you were the one she chose. You survived, right?
You often see them on Q&A sites too: papas who look down on women, demand that she commit exclusively to them, or try to force unprotected sex without mutual consent.
Because men like that exist, I’m praised as gentlemanly and kind even though I’m only doing what I consider normal. I’m called a good papa, get good reviews from the club, and can maintain a monthly arrangement with a wonderful woman.
I’m happy, haha.
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I’m a male member and a bit of a wannabe farmer.
I read your question, and I’m sorry to say this, but I burst out laughing.
What is this lack of a “sense of self”?
Whether papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is something to be ashamed of—isn’t that a question of how other people see it?
If you yourself feel ashamed or guilty, then decide whether you want to quit. But if, despite the shame or guilt, you feel that the fun, joy, happiness, and escape from the ordinary outweigh those feelings (which is exactly how I feel), then by all means, continue.
We don’t know exactly what that papa (a male supporter) said to the female member, in what context—which is extremely important—or with what expression. We also don’t know whether he was genuinely belittling her or was simply making a joke. You can’t know the full truth from one side of the story.
Even assuming that papa seriously insulted the female member, what does that have to do with you?
You could simply think, “Well, what a pathetic person. They’ll probably get reported and face the consequences eventually,” and take it as a lesson: “I’m never going to become that kind of papa.”
There may, unfortunately, be papas who look down on women. But even if one really did, making an example of him in a place like this only exposes the fact that you, the questioner, have no firm sense of self, low self-esteem, and little confidence in yourself.
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First of all, you’re free to believe what the person giving you money tells you, but a third party can’t simply take it at face value. So anything you write won’t really be credible.
Also, men and women who choose to live an entirely respectable, aboveboard life generally don’t join dating clubs.
Just as in mainstream society, there may be some truly awful men and women in dating clubs too. Whether there are more or fewer of them, I don’t know.
> Is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) itself something to be ashamed of?
If you consider the fact that it’s not something you can make public, then yes, it’s something to be ashamed of—something you have to keep hidden. But perhaps precisely because it transcends that, you could call it the ultimate arrangement.
I don’t think there’s anything else where you can continue forming such a solid partnership with a good partner for so long. As long as you keep seeing each other, the bond created through the allowance remains strong, and both sides can continue to give and receive.
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> Is having a mistress a status symbol for wealthy men, while papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is something to feel guilty about?
I don’t see it as a status symbol. Since I can’t pursue people close to me, I look for a partner in a place where there’s a clear boundary between the two of us.
In that sense, I don’t feel any guilt about it.
> I’m sure people have all kinds of opinions, but is papa-katsu itself something to be ashamed of?
I think it depends on how the relationship works.
Even if it’s papa-katsu, there’s nothing to be ashamed of as long as both people feel it’s a positive relationship.
The women I date say that papa-katsu isn’t so bad because they receive an allowance and get to learn all kinds of things from me. And since I don’t have a daughter, I also think there’s something nice about spending time with a young woman who feels like a daughter—and even a granddaughter—to me.（笑）
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Could “さげすまされた” possibly mean “蔑まれた (さげすまれた)”?
I believe the passive form of “蔑む” is “蔑まれる.” Since you’re talking about something in the past, wouldn’t “蔑まれた (さげすまれた)” be correct?
Sorry for giving such a nitpicky answer. I’m pointing it out because I’m sure your subordinates have noticed it but haven’t had the heart to tell you, even though they may look down on you.
I’ve often heard sex workers talk about customers who lecture them as well. I don’t know why they do it, but I feel that people like that probably can’t communicate with women in any other way.
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