About a month ago, I asked a question about being involved with someone I’ve been seeing for a year and a half.
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https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/15984
Since posting that question, we’ve continued seeing each other smoothly, even though I’ve accepted that she’s seeing multiple people (of course, I haven’t said anything to her about it).
Because I want things to continue in the future, I recently casually suggested switching her allowance from pay-per-meeting to a monthly arrangement, as well as increasing the amount. However, she turned down both ideas.
Regarding a monthly arrangement, she said, “I’d actually feel pressured if I received everything upfront, so I don’t like that.” As for increasing the allowance, she said, “That would be too much. The amount we originally agreed on is more than enough.”
She then suggested that, if I preferred, we could simply meet more often in some months and she could receive the allowance per meeting, so we could spend more time together. I was completely caught off guard.
She also told me that although she started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) because she needed money and appreciates the support, she has a regular job and isn’t struggling to afford food. For reference, the allowance I give her isn’t particularly high—I believe it’s around the average amount mentioned on this site.
If that were all there was to it, I might be touched by how modest she is. But while she gives off the impression that I’m her only one, I know that she has re-registered on a papa-katsu site fairly recently and is meeting other people as well, which leaves me with mixed feelings.
I’ve seen people on this forum say that, among all their papas, the ones who remain are those they don’t find it unpleasant to meet, enjoy spending time with, and who offer a high allowance. So I thought she might be happy if I offered better terms, but apparently not.
I had assumed she re-registered because the allowance I give her wasn’t nearly enough. That’s why I can’t understand why she would turn down an increased allowance despite meeting—or looking for—other people, and it’s been bothering me.
Does she simply prefer seeing multiple people because it feels easier to receive allowances from various people? Is she thinking, “I’m not going to depend on you alone”? Or does the sudden offer of better terms actually make her feel uneasy?
Honestly… women’s feelings are complicated.
What do you all think?
> “I’m naturally inclined to see multiple people, and I feel more at ease receiving allowances from different men.”
That’s simply not true.
Men can choose their favorites, but do you realize how much courage it takes to meet someone for the first time—someone whose appearance and everything else you know nothing about?
Then there’s the hassle of getting messages from multiple people, replying, making plans, and worrying about their feelings.
There’s no way that would be easier.
She’s only choosing it as one option because, given her current situation, it seems like the better balance.
The truth is, she simply doesn’t want to meet you that often.
Meeting only once or twice a month is just a relationship where you happen to see each other monthly. I don’t think it can really be called dating.
Even if she secretly dislikes it, she probably doesn’t mind meeting once or twice a month. The fact that the frequency hasn’t changed in over a year suggests that she doesn’t consider it a relationship, but also has no reason to cut things off—and doesn’t want the relationship to become any deeper.
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If you don’t like the idea of her seeing multiple people, you’re probably better off looking for someone else now.
I honestly don’t understand why women have to be exclusive, lol.
It sounds like you’d have more fun using the budget you have left—after making this proposal and having it turned down—to see someone else, lol.
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>So does that mean she’s naturally inclined to see multiple people, feels more at ease receiving an allowance from several supporters, doesn’t want to rely on you alone, and now finds it kind of scary that you’re trying to improve the terms?
It’s just that… women’s feelings are complicated.
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I don’t really understand it either, but I completely agree that women’s feelings are complicated.
Maybe it’s because there’s such a big age gap? It’s become a complicated relationship—different from the one I have with my wife, not a boss-and-subordinate relationship, and not like the relationship between a parent and grandchild.
At first, I was just some fucking old geezer, but before I knew it, we’d become “a perfect match”…
And on top of that, she doesn’t get a boyfriend and doesn’t see multiple people, so I have no idea what will happen when we eventually part ways!
It’s complicated.
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That pain may also include the pressure of feeling that you’re expected to squeeze more out of your papa—by asking for a higher allowance or switching to a monthly arrangement.
Anyone would be suspicious that there must be an ulterior motive when they’re given better treatment they never asked for. I don’t think it’s complicated at all.
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I think this is a mindset specific to women in papa-katsu: “the relationship gets fixed in place.”
A common example is that if you keep going on dinner dates, you start thinking, “That man is someone I have dinner with, not someone I get intimate with. It would feel gross to do that with him now.” That’s why, in these relationships, it’s better to move toward the kind of relationship you want at an early stage.
One woman who had been getting intimate with me from our first meeting for a pay-per-meeting allowance of 50 once told me that another man she’d gone on more than 20 dinner dates with eventually said, “I’d like to go to a room with you soon,” and offered 100—not 10—but she turned him down. It wasn’t that I was more popular; by then, their relationship had become one where getting intimate felt gross to her. In fact, she said, “If he had invited me to a room on the second or third date, I would’ve been totally fine with 50.” The way a relationship gets fixed like that is a very powerful psychological force, though it varies from woman to woman.
My guess is that this woman has come to see the questioner as her pay-per-meeting allowance-5 papa (a male supporter), and that their relationship has become fixed in that form.
Separately, wanting new encounters and stimulation is a different matter. To explain it in a way men can understand, it’s probably similar to wanting to keep things with your wife as they are while still feeling tempted to have an affair or pursue another relationship.
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