It’s a good thing that I’ve become really close with my papa, but because of that, the “thank yous” and sense of freshness we had before have faded. More and more, it feels like my being there is simply taken for granted.
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For example, during downtime while traveling late at night, we used to have two-hour phone calls. At first, he was touched just because I answered the phone, but now, even when he calls me, he’ll hang up after about 30 minutes.
There are other things too, but I’m worried because his enthusiasm seems to fluctuate and I don’t feel that sense of excitement anymore. Is it really okay to continue like this?
I feel that, from the beginning, I’ve made an effort to maintain a consistent level of affection and to never forget to say things that make him happy or express my gratitude.
But I keep wondering whether those words lose their meaning if I’m always saying the same things. I’m really struggling with this, so I’d appreciate any advice or insight into how he might be feeling.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
You need to make him feel more strongly that:
“If you slack off, you’ll lose me.”
Even in running a company, one effective way to keep improving employee productivity is to maintain a moderate level of fear—the fear that if they don’t deliver the expected results, they’ll lose their position.
It’s a common management issue: once people get too comfortable in their comfort zone, their effort and motivation to improve start to decline.
If you’ve built a good relationship with your papa (a male supporter), telling him how disappointed you feel right now might lead to a change in his behavior.
It’s me.
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Isn’t it fair to interpret it as meaning he wants to see her and give her an allowance because he likes her?
> Being together feels so natural and comfortable, like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
> He still calls me, and we talk on the phone for 30 minutes or more.
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Isn’t it natural for a new relationship to feel fresh, whether it’s a regular romance or an arrangement through a dating club?
At the beginning, you’re often a little swept up in the excitement, and you haven’t started noticing the other person’s flaws yet—what you might call a “freshness bias.”
If you’ve been an adult woman for over 20 years, you should be able to realize that much.
So I don’t have any particular advice. Just enjoy it as a normal part of starting a relationship.
—Marika
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Thanks for the question. I’ll share my thoughts as well.
I think this is something that tends to happen over time. For example, I’ve heard that once Japanese couples have been together for a while, they stop saying things like “I like you” or “I love you.”
But even if they don’t say it anymore, they still meet because they want to see each other. In this case, I think he calls because he wants to hear your voice and talk to you.
So, I think the real issue is that you’re unhappy because he doesn’t show much emotional ups and downs.
However, most Japanese men are like that. If you don’t like it, I think you should look for a boyfriend or papa (a male supporter) who consistently expresses his feelings through words and actions.
I mention Japanese men because there are a small number of women who want to date foreigners or have a foreign papa, since foreigners tend to express their feelings more openly.
Whether you change your partner or change yourself is up to you.
That said, since you’re in a relationship, I think it would be good to be kind and accepting of your partner’s actions. And if there are things you feel you should be more mindful of, you can work on improving them.
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I’ve always tried to maintain the same level of enthusiasm from the start, making sure to say things that make him happy and never forget to show my appreciation.
I’ve been in this relationship for quite a while too, and I think that’s perfectly fine. If someone suddenly gets overly excited or starts acting differently than usual, I can’t help wondering if everything’s okay（笑）
Sometimes I feel like my papa (a male supporter) has gotten a little too comfortable with me（笑）
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I think it’s only natural for things to lose their freshness over time.
At first, you’ll probably have all sorts of things to talk about on the phone, but if you call frequently, you may eventually run out of new topics faster than you can replenish them.
Do you really need the highs and butterflies to last forever?
There’s nothing wrong with having a stable relationship, either.
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