Is it because I’m unattractive that he didn’t even want to be with me?
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I approached a man because I thought he was handsome, and he told me, “If you want to be with me, pay me.”
He said, “I don’t want to be with you. I’m not interested in you that way, so you’ll have to pay.”
Lately, I’ve been slacking off on makeup and going to the hair salon. But this was the first time anyone had ever said something like that to me, and it really hurt because it felt like he was indirectly calling me ugly.
To the men here, what do you find attractive in someone? Is it ultimately all about looks?
Handsome men can choose from plenty of women, after all. That man might be doing mama-katsu.
And you, the person asking the question, approached him because you thought he was good-looking too, right? lol
With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), whether things continue usually starts with the offer being made based on appearance. Then, after having an adult relationship (intimate), we see whether we’re compatible and what their personality is like.
Being good-looking alone may be enough for one or two meetings, but it won’t lead to anything ongoing.
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Thank you for your question. I’ll answer too.
I’m having a hard time understanding how “when you approached him” connects to “he told me, ‘If you want to sleep with me, pay me.’”
The possibilities that come to mind are:
1. He wasn’t interested in women.
2. There was a problem with the way you approached him. (You didn’t actually ask him something like, “Would you like to sleep with me?” did you?)
3. He’d been approached by all kinds of people and was fed up with it.
That said, the part about “I don’t want to do it with you—I don’t feel like doing it with you, so pay me” sounds like the conversation was based on the assumption of intimacy from the start. So I feel there may have been a problem with the way you approached him.
With that in mind, rather than inviting him to be intimate yourself, it might be better to think about how you can get the other person to make the first move.
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Both you and that man sound like you know what you’re doing, haha.
Looks are only the starting point, after all. It’s probably the overall impression—how you talk, your way of thinking, your mannerisms, and so on.
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You should’ve hit them with something like:
“Wow, do you have some special talent that makes people want it badly enough to pay?”
Maybe they wanted you to tease the person who asked the question.
Since you’re confident enough to hit on men, you must be an interesting and wonderful woman.
And don’t admit it yourself by saying, “I was slacking off.”
I like interesting women.
—It’s me
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If a man is considered attractive, he’s not short on women—he already has plenty of women willing to take things further with him.
Women who are interesting to talk to are attractive.
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It’s not just about looks. Whether I’d want to go there depends on the overall package.
Looks aren’t irrelevant, but they’re not the first thing I consider, either.
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