Can a woman do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) even if she has a boyfriend?

Thanks for the question. I’ll share my thoughts as well. I do find the part where you say “women” a little concerning. I don’t think papa-katsu is limited to women—both men and women can do it even if they already have a partner. Quite a few people do papa-katsu while they’re in a relationship. I also get the impression that women who have boyfriends tend to be more attractive, and for some reason, they often seem more likely to treat you like a romantic partner. It feels less transactional, if that makes sense... In that sense, meeting a woman in papa-katsu who already has a boyfriend might be considered lucky. I think everyone has their own reasons for not getting married. For one thing, Japan’s longstanding tradition that a couple doesn’t get married unless the boyfriend proposes may still play a role. In that case, it ultimately depends on the man. There may also be differences in how people view marriage. Some people believe that if two people are living together, building a home, and sharing their lives, there’s no need to be bound by the institution of marriage. Especially in Japan, where married couples still aren’t allowed to keep separate surnames, I don’t think there’s been a convincing explanation for why someone has to give up their own family name. That may feel even more unreasonable today, when managing things without a shared surname doesn’t seem to cause any real problems, unlike in the old days when everything revolved around paperwork. There are probably many other factors as well. But the important thing is this: you’ll have more fun if you don’t overthink it and just enjoy the date. Since this is a valuable opportunity to meet someone, I hope you have a great time with her.

Yes, it’s possible. On the other hand, anyone—regardless of gender—who’s so careless that they get found out has no business doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). In real life, your boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife comes first. But during a papa-katsu date, you focus only on your dating partner. Knowing where to draw that line is the bare minimum of papa-katsu etiquette, in my opinion. As for why they don’t get married, ask them directly. Asking here is just stupid. It’s me.

Staff member Hatta here—I’ll answer as well! I’m sure there are women who continue papa-katsu even though they have boyfriends. (Though, of course, we don’t know whether they really do have partners…) Some women with boyfriends apparently have their partners’ approval. I’ve also heard women say, “If you’re not living together, there’s no way they’ll find out!” So it seems some people continue without being caught. As for why someone with a boyfriend might not get married, I think there are two main possibilities. The first is that they simply don’t want to get married or have children. Rather than choosing not to marry, they may feel that marriage isn’t necessary for them… The second is that they’ve set marriage as the goal for ending their activities. It’s not exactly like retiring after getting married, but many people think, “If I’m getting married, I’ll quit,” and this is also one of the reasons people leave. There may be other reasons as well, but I hope this helps.

My boyfriend might be broke.

If there are men who do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) even though they have wives, there’s nothing strange about women doing it even when they have boyfriends. If men can do papa-katsu without their wives finding out, then surely it’s easy enough for women to do it without their boyfriends knowing. Not every woman wants to get married right away. There are even couples who break up because the boyfriend wants to get married but the woman doesn’t. The world doesn’t revolve around your assumptions.

I wonder what’s really bothering you?? > Can men do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) even if they have a girlfriend or wife? > Do you think they can do it without getting caught? > Why do you think a man with a girlfriend would choose not to get married? Men and women probably aren’t all that different in that regard.... Everyone has their own reasons…