My papa (a male supporter) once told me, out of the blue—not for my birthday or anything—that he wanted to give me a present and that I should let him know if there was anything I wanted.

The value of a gift isn’t about “what” it is, but how much joy it brings the other person. I’m not sure what to think of asking someone what they want in the first place. And the fact that they haven’t brought it up again after some time has passed makes it sound less like they genuinely want to make you happy and more like a formality. In that case, even if you tell him what you want, you probably shouldn’t expect a great outcome. You won’t know until you try, though. It’s me.

Thank you for your question. I’ll answer as well. I think he brought it up because he felt like giving you a present, but it may have just been something he suddenly wanted to do at that moment. So it’s possible he no longer feels that way now. If you bring it up out of the blue, he might simply take it as you asking for a present. Instead, when your birthday gets closer, you could bring up the subject of birthdays and say something like: “I was happy when you asked me about a present before, but I felt awkward accepting one when there wasn’t a particular occasion. I thought I’d be happy to receive a birthday present, though. Would that still be okay?” That said, it could still come across as asking for something. As Mac mentioned, I think it would be good to move the conversation forward while checking his feelings along the way. It wouldn’t seem overly calculating. However, going forward, you should try to answer right away if he asks again, rather than taking time to think. You could say: “I’d be happy with anything, as long as it’s a present from you.” Or you could ask about his budget, such as, “How much would be okay?” That kind of direct approach may work too, but some men might not like it, so it may be better to keep the conversation on the safe and indirect side.

You could start with, “Do you remember saying before, ‘I’d like to get you a present, so let me know if there’s anything you want’?” Once he confirms that he remembers, follow up with, “I was really happy, and I’ve been thinking about what I’d like ever since. There’s something I’d love to have—would that be okay?” Asking in a slightly hesitant, tentative way might work well.

I think directly telling someone what you want them to buy you is pushy and tacky, no matter how you look at it. If you really want to bring it up, instead of saying what you want as a gift, casually mention something you’re thinking of buying. If he happens to be in the mood to give you a present, he might buy it for you. I thought women generally had at least this level of social skill.