I’d like to ask for advice about an allowance dispute with a man I was introduced to through this site.
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I have no experience working in nightlife, and this is my first time doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). I’m registered as B1. I have an average amount of experience with men, but I’ve only been intimate with men around my own age.
I started papa-katsu to save money for cosmetic surgery. To be honest, I really don’t want to be intimate with someone I don’t actually like. (I imagine most women feel the same way.) I can’t drink, so things like paid drinking dates or working at a hostess club would be difficult, and I didn’t like the idea of not being able to choose my partner in the adult-entertainment industry, so I started papa-katsu instead.
When I met a married papa (a male supporter) in his 60s for the second time, we entered into an adult relationship (intimate) arrangement for a pay-per-meeting allowance of ¥50,000.
I’m really sorry to say this, but my first intimate experience with a man old enough to be my father was awful. He smelled, and I found it extremely unpleasant. I just endured it, hoping the time would pass as quickly as possible. However, I wanted the money, and I thought I might eventually get used to intimacy, so I continued seeing him another five or six times despite how I felt.
I became slightly more accustomed to the unpleasantness and the smell. However, for the average allowance of ¥50,000, we had two rounds every time, and he made so many demands that I felt it wasn’t worth it.
I realize I was also at fault for not confirming the two rounds beforehand. (I did tell him about this afterward.) I had simply assumed that, given his age, it would only be one round, and it was difficult to ask, so I didn’t confirm in advance. I also didn’t ask because, from our very first meeting, I felt that he disliked the idea that our relationship was connected by money.
He also seemed to forget things he had said almost immediately. Despite constantly bragging about being wealthy, he only took me to ordinary restaurants that college students might go to. He tried to control me by saying I absolutely shouldn’t get breast augmentation or meet other men, and he repeatedly asked how I spent my allowance.
Every time, conversations like these made me increasingly stressed both physically and mentally. I eventually decided I didn’t really care if we stopped seeing each other, so while we were being intimate, I told him that from then on, I wanted to limit it to once per day.
He then said things like:
“None of the other women I met through Universe ever said that to me. If you only wanted one round, you should have said so from the beginning. Don’t bring it up now.”
“I thought you enjoyed spending time with me and liked me, but it turns out you were only seeing me for the money. That’s extremely unpleasant.”
He showered me with verbal abuse before I even had a chance to respond.
He also said, “It’s not like I have trouble finding someone to have dinner with. I still gave you transportation money after having dinner with you the first time.”
I replied, “The transportation money for the first meeting is part of the club’s rules. Also, I’m registered as B1, so the first meeting is dinner only.”
He then said things that made no sense, such as, “Don’t act so entitled when I treated you to dinner and even gave you transportation money. This is free dating, so your dating type doesn’t matter anyway.”
He got angry and tried to leave. When I asked for my allowance, he said I wouldn’t be getting anything because we hadn’t gone all the way this time. I protested, but he shouted at me and left as if he were running away, without paying me.
I’m sorry for the long preamble.
What I found unacceptable was that he didn’t pay my allowance and that, despite offering a relatively low allowance, he was so stingy while making far too many demands.
1. In a case like this, would it still be difficult to recover the allowance even if I reported him to the club?
2. For everyone here, how many intimate encounters do you consider to be covered by one allowance?
Also, if a male questioner were negotiating and the woman said, “Two or more rounds are physically demanding, so I’d like you to increase the allowance,” how would you respond?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
If it were me and I wanted to go for round two, I’d probably pay about 1.5 times the usual allowance.
When you’re dealing with a stingy papa who won’t pay the allowance upfront, it’s better to wait until you’ve gotten the money and left before complaining over LINE.
Overall, you did well dealing with such a terrible papa. Forget him and move on to the next one.
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Just my personal opinion.
Men who casually go for a second round or try all kinds of things without being able to read their partner’s mood are, frankly, disgusting. They’re like dogs wagging their tails and thrusting their hips with their mouths open and drooling.
Of course, it’s different if both people are happy to have a second round or experiment.
Men tend to think, “I’m paying her an allowance, so…” and fantasize, “She must like me.”
But men like that can’t step back and look at things objectively. They simply don’t get it—even when someone’s thinking, “You stink!”
The solution is not to force yourself to continue seeing someone who makes you uncomfortable.
Some women have the skill to smile at men like that without batting an eye, but perhaps you should try narrowing your choices down to people who cause you as little stress as possible.
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If you view it as a burden, then doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) isn’t all that different from working in the adult entertainment industry.
That may be why you end up dating a papa (a male supporter) who doesn’t really care about women.
From the papa’s side, he has to be willing to fulfill everything the woman wants just to break even, so I believe that looking for men like that is what real papa-katsu is about.
However, with your current transactional way of thinking, I don’t think those kinds of men will be drawn to you—they’ll stay away.
This is a club for enjoying relationships, not a club for making sure you get your money’s worth.
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The club can’t collect your allowance for you. Once you’ve been introduced, you’re free to pursue the relationship privately.
Unfortunately, if you want to end things cleanly, you’ll have to let it go and wait for the next good papa (a male supporter). Going forward, don’t put up with anyone you’re uncomfortable with—end things sooner.
I have two rounds. I tell them about the second round when we first discuss the terms. If a woman isn’t comfortable with two rounds, I say goodbye and look for someone who is.
I’ve ended things with people over that in the past. I also move on if the intimacy becomes careless or they start cutting corners, and look for a woman who can satisfy me more.
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You really can’t have an adult relationship with someone you find that repulsive, just for the money.
And the papa (a male supporter) probably wouldn’t feel very good either upon realizing that you disliked him that much.
You’d already been receiving transportation money and the agreed-upon allowance (there usually isn’t really a standard “X amount per meeting” concept), so don’t be petty and complain that you didn’t get paid for the last meeting.
Take this as a learning experience and try to find a better man to date going forward.
It’s unfortunate all around, but I can understand the man’s feelings too. In the end, you’re both at fault.
Marika
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When it comes to allowance disputes, the club probably won’t do much for you. Getting involved could potentially make it illegal for them.
You’ve written quite a lot of nasty things about papas, haven’t you? Feel a little better now? Perhaps I’ve given you a perspective you didn’t have before.
After reading your post, my honest impression was, “A woman like this is perfectly matched with a papa like that.” You may actually be a well-suited couple.
First of all, do you really need plastic surgery? I’m not necessarily against it. One of the women I know spent several million yen on surgery, became a completely different person, and opened up a new path in life. She probably doesn’t complain like you do, and apparently, once she takes off her panties, she makes sure to enjoy herself to the fullest. Of course, it’s possible she dislikes me, but when I see fluid squirting from her private parts, I find it hard to believe she’s merely acting.
Here’s another example of plastic surgery. My daughter has also had work done. She went on to get a job that many women admire—and that papas love as well. The competition was several hundred to one. My daughter said, “Because I’d had plastic surgery, I was able to face the executive interview with confidence.”
So, like these two examples, would plastic surgery offer you any concrete benefits? Wouldn’t you gain more by spending that money on something else?
I’m not telling you to give up on it. But perhaps you should ask yourself once again whether it’s really what you want. I know I’m meddling, but you seem to hate the idea of opening your legs to a papa so much. If you keep doing things you truly don’t want to do while you’re young, you won’t become a desirable woman.
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You’re spending time doing things that don’t align with your values, with someone whose values don’t align with yours. That’s probably the most painful thing of all.
I think it’s either that papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) isn’t right for you, that this papa (a male supporter) isn’t a good match for you, or both. Your options are probably to quit papa-katsu or look for a different papa.
【Answer】
① Report him immediately. He’s a terrible papa. He’s probably doing the same thing to other women, too. Reporting him is important so there won’t be more victims like you. Though I think it’ll be difficult to recover the allowance.
② I think it’s fine for people to have different perspectives, but I’m not someone who decides everything in advance. The most important thing is that we both enjoy our time together and feel that we’ve spent it meaningfully. Sometimes it’s zero times, and other times it’s as many times as our time and energy allow. If she tells me that more than two rounds would be too much, then we don’t do a second round. I don’t think, “Let’s do a second round because I’ll increase the allowance.” Doing something that puts a burden on the woman would just make it unpleasant for both of us.
It’s me
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① An escort dating club is there to arrange dinner dates. I think expecting anything beyond that is asking too much.
② I don’t determine the allowance based on the number of times I finish. If the pay-per-meeting allowance were for one ejaculation, then that man’s claim that “there’s no allowance this time because I couldn’t finish” would be justified.
In my case, I give the full pay-per-meeting allowance even if I don’t finish. Even if the woman stays over and we do it once that night and once the next day, I still give her one pay-per-meeting allowance.
Personally, I have no interest in doing it twice in a row, so it doesn’t affect me. But if someone asked for a higher allowance to do it twice, I’d think, “What a compensated-dating girl thing to say.” I have no desire to sleep with someone like that now, so I probably wouldn’t pursue an arrangement with her.
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I understand what you’re trying to say in your question. Relationships through a dating club can be difficult too, can’t they? I can imagine how you feel.
1. I think reporting it is a good idea, but recovering the allowance will probably be difficult.
2. I believe the allowance and the number of intimate encounters are separate matters.
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① Even if you report him to the club, you won’t be able to collect the allowance. The club is only involved with the transportation fee for the first meeting.
② I don’t think the allowance is automatically set for just one round. In your case, the time involved was long even for one round, so you might still feel it was a significant burden.
When negotiating the allowance for the first meeting, if he had said he wanted a higher allowance for two rounds, I would probably have gotten up and left rather than continue seeing him—unless there were some exceptional advantages.
Saying afterward that the man should have told you from the beginning is just changing the rules after the fact.
Consider this incident water under the bridge and move on.
Since you’ve gone as far as getting B1 status, this may be unsolicited advice, but I think you should be more selective about the people you choose for an adult relationship (intimate).
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