I’m the person who previously asked whether someone earning over ¥30 million a year could provide a monthly allowance of ¥200,000–¥300,000. Thank you for your answers.
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As some of you pointed out, rather than basing things on how much he earns annually, whether he’s willing to have a relationship where an allowance is expected probably depends largely on his personal values.
I didn’t meet this person through a place intended for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). He says things like, “I want to buy you anything you want” and “I want to take you on trips,” which is nice, but personally, I would rather receive cash than gifts or trips.
We’ve only met a few times. Is it too soon to tell him that I’m looking for a relationship where negotiating an allowance is part of the arrangement?
Of course, if I were okay with things ending, I think it would be better to bring it up before we get involved more deeply. But ideally, I’d like to negotiate an allowance and have him agree to it.
I’ve casually mentioned being short on money and even said I might try working nights, but despite talking about how much money he has, he never says anything like, “Would you like me to help you out?” (Maybe I’m just too focused on papa-katsu, but I can’t help thinking that if he really has money to spare, he could at least say that.)
He wants to date me. As for me, I’m still undecided—I’d be willing to date him if he gave me an allowance, but I haven’t actually said that.
With someone who calls himself wealthy but has no concept of papa-katsu, would it be smoother to start dating first and negotiate an allowance afterward, rather than bringing it up beforehand?
He does give off the impression that he has money, but there’s no way to know how true that is. Even if I started dating him and stayed with him for a while, there’s no guarantee that I’d ever receive an allowance.
I’d really appreciate any advice on how to turn this into a relationship where an allowance is part of the arrangement. Thank you.
If he knew about the situation, I think a man who intended to give you an allowance would have done so long ago.
If this man is looking for a relationship, then getting one through money would be meaningless to him, so he won’t give you anything. I don’t think negotiating with him would accomplish anything either.
In any case, he doesn’t seem to have the slightest consideration for the woman he’s with. The fact that he’s separated from his wife also makes him seem like a highly self-centered, delusional man.
Even if you continue seeing a man who can’t read a woman’s feelings, the misunderstanding between you probably won’t be resolved, and you may never feel emotionally at ease.
You should also realize that you may be more deeply affected by papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) than you imagine.
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If he’s the kind of person who’s willing to give you money, he’ll bring it up himself. So I don’t think this person plans to provide any financial support.
If you don’t particularly like him and would be fine ending things if he won’t give you money, then all you can do is tell him you’ll date him as long as there’s an allowance.
The longer you keep seeing him, the more you’ll miss your chance to bring it up.
Marika
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He’s married, right? Then there’s also a risk his wife could sue you, so I really think you should stay away from him.
I wouldn’t trust “I want to do this for you” when it’s just something he says. If a young person says, “Once I save up some money, I’d like to do that for you,” I can understand that. But if he has plenty of money and still hasn’t done anything for you, it means he has no real intention of doing so.
You’re probably better off giving up on him and simply looking for a papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) partner.
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Would it be okay to say, “I’d rather have cash than trips or gifts”?
By the way, even someone earning ¥30 million a year may not have as much disposable income as you think, depending on their family situation and spending habits. That’s generally the case.
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Personally, I wouldn’t consider giving an allowance (cash) to someone I met anywhere other than a place specifically designed for finding compensated partners, such as a dating club.
I believe trying to turn someone you met outside the nightlife industry, adult entertainment, or dating clubs into an allowance-based relationship carries significant risks.
I think it’s better to look for this kind of arrangement through a dating club or a similar service.
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Since the first meeting is your best chance to establish a strong position, I think you should negotiate the allowance in cash from the outset.
However, if he tries to dodge the issue with shopping trips or vacations, he’s not very sharp.
If you get the sense that he likes you, start by proposing a confident amount. Choose your words carefully and steer things in your favor.
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At the most basic level:
If you’re looking for an allowance-based relationship, you need to meet someone in a place intended for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
We already have the answer: it comes down to values. That’s right—income has nothing to do with it.
It’s not about negotiation or timing either.
I don’t think you can build an allowance-based relationship with a man who has no concept of papa-katsu in the first place.
It’s me.
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I think it’s best to take statements like “I want to give you more” or “I want to go there” as nothing more than hopeful talk.
In reality, judge everything by the outcome.
I believe you should negotiate the allowance. Then you can decide based on the result.
When you have the luxury, enjoy dreams and hopes as pleasant fantasies.
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