We see each other often, and his workplace and friends know about me too. There are no secrets between us—everything is out in the open (he’s married). He also spends a fair amount on me, and we’re quite close. I have a papa (a male supporter) like that.

I don’t think papas themselves often call it papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Most of them probably want to believe that you like them because they’re a little more well-groomed and kind than the other men, and because they’re always smiling—even though they’re giving you an allowance. So when someone deliberately calls it papa-katsu, perhaps they’re trying to use reason to keep their emotions from getting out of control. It sounds like you and your papa have a good arrangement, so wouldn’t it be fine to leave things as they are? You wouldn’t like it if he suddenly got serious and said, “I’m giving you money, and I’m paying your tuition, so you can’t leave me,” would you? Letting him remain a wonderful papa may also be one of the important roles of a papa-katsu girl...

The late Yujiro Ishihara sang: “Night fog, thank you again tonight.” The song begins with, “A secret rendezvous between lovers.” Perhaps when everything is out in the open, it’s harder for romance to develop. Still, an arrangement like the one you have isn’t bad either.

It sounds like she likes you, but wants to keep a clear boundary. It could also mean she’s trying not to get too emotionally invested. Marika

Hello. I usually answer questions here as a male member, but I’m actually Maa-chan, a 21-year-old college student. I thought the person asking this question seemed really wonderful, so today I’m answering as myself. What I found so wonderful about you is that you’re troubled because he called it “papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).” I also receive an allowance and do my best to make my papas happy, but sometimes it gets difficult, and I lose heart and start thinking, “It’s papa-katsu anyway, so I don’t have to try that hard.” I end up feeling rather cynical and giving up. I understand how disappointing it must feel to have the man you’re seeing plainly call it papa-katsu. It’s like thinking, “I’m trying this hard, yet he doesn’t appreciate me.” Then you start wondering whether you need to try even harder—or whether you have to get yourself excited enough to actually fall for him. Before long, you become confused and even start thinking, “Maybe I really do like this person?” Isn’t that what it feels like when someone is using romantic feelings as part of their sales pitch? I’m sorry for making such assumptions. I’m still inexperienced, but I came to this conclusion by drawing on my limited experience and trying my best to understand how you feel. I don’t think he’s deliberately using romance to manipulate you. But it’s clear that he does have feelings for you, because you’re such a wonderful person. Rather than overthinking it, maybe you can simply accept his affection as affection. I’m sorry if I’ve sounded presumptuous. I hope your happy relationship continues for a long time.

That’s absolutely wonderful! Let’s focus all our energy on making sure your current situation lasts as long as possible. Your papa (a male supporter) feels happy knowing that you’re having a good time. Personally, I see papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) as a serious allowance-based relationship without marriage as the goal. I only do papa-katsu with women I genuinely like. People have different views on papa-katsu, but I think your papa likes you. It’s me

There’s no established way to quantitatively measure romantic feelings, so I don’t think there’s much point in dwelling on it. Either way, isn’t it nice to feel genuinely desired?