Sometimes I meet a woman and find that she looks quite different from her photos or the impression I had of her.

You should make an effort to develop your metacognitive skills. It’s such a waste to let yourself be swayed by the impression in a photo and miss the chance to discover what’s great about a woman—something you can only learn by meeting and talking to her! Haha. I’m not criticizing anyone for prioritizing looks. But both you and the woman have taken time out of your busy schedules to make this chance meeting happen, so at least try to stay positive until the meal is over. I honestly don’t understand why you chose a café. If you switch between cafés and restaurants depending on the situation, your judgment criteria will become inconsistent. The woman probably came hungry and looking forward to enjoying a meal, too. Just finding out that the first date is at a café could leave her disappointed, and that alone might instantly ruin the atmosphere. Personally, a woman’s photo is one important factor in deciding whether to make an offer, but it isn’t everything. If you can objectively look at your own perceptions and act without being controlled by assumptions or emotions, you’ll benefit in life beyond papa-katsu, too. None of my business, I know. It’s me.

In my case, I always arrange the first meeting in the hotel lobby, followed by a set-course meal at one of the restaurants in the hotel. *Since course meals can sometimes be quite large, this may or may not be ideal for the woman. It’s possible that, after meeting in person, either the man or woman may feel that the chemistry isn’t right. If so, we simply part ways after the meal. Honestly, the cost of the meal isn’t that significant compared with the total expense, so I don’t worry about it.

Thank you for your question. I’ll answer as well. You’re saying that because it’s something that only happens occasionally, you always make it a café meeting. But the reason and the conclusion don’t really match. If it only happens occasionally, what’s wrong with having a meal when it does happen? If you think even paying for the meal is a waste, that’s honestly just being far too stingy. Also, when you joined Universe Club, weren’t you told that the first meeting would usually involve having a meal? Perhaps you were told that tea or coffee would be fine too, but that’s meant for situations such as meeting around 3 p.m., when having a meal would be inconvenient for both people. I’m sure there can be various circumstances depending on the person, but at the very least, I don’t think it’s meant simply for a man’s personal convenience when, “occasionally” or “rarely,” the woman looks different from her photos or from what he imagined. Sometimes, people like you have their own personal rules and think, “I’m right, so what’s the problem?” If that’s how you feel, then you might as well approach women on your own instead of using a dating club. As long as you don’t break the law, no one should have anything to say about it. But dating clubs have rules. Those rules exist so that everyone can use the service comfortably. Please act with consideration for the other person as well, rather than making sure only you get what you want. P.S. I once saw someone say, “Cafés serve food too, so I tell the woman she can order whatever she likes. That’s why I invite her to have a meal for the first meeting.” I thought, now that’s the right attitude.

I completely understand why you prioritize appearance. However, I think there’s a clear difference in the kind of relationship you’ll have with a man who is concerned about avoiding a bad experience and one who isn’t. If he first focuses on making sure the woman doesn’t feel things went badly, he’ll be able to enjoy a proper dinner together and, if she’s a C-type, the evening should naturally progress to the point where he can pay her allowance for the adult relationship that day. That’s how you build chemistry and create the possibility of seeing someone again—even when she’s exactly your type looks-wise. In your case, though, you come across as someone who only thinks about your own convenience. I can’t help but feel that you’re going to keep having nothing but bad encounters.

The only time I’ve ever called things off based on appearance was when she had a gummy smile. If I meet a woman and realize she isn’t my type, I usually end things after dinner only, while taking care not to make her feel uncomfortable.