I’d especially like to hear men’s opinions.
I’ve had a papa (a male supporter) for a little over a year. We meet about two or three times a month, and I receive an allowance of 50,000 yen each time.
For his birthday recently, I gave him a tie costing around 10,000 yen. I also give him small gifts for Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and anniversaries. I’m the type who likes to make an effort, so I usually bring a little something even on our regular dates.
However, I haven’t received anything from my papa for White Day or Christmas. He’s never taken me shopping either, and I’ve never asked him for anything before.
It was my birthday recently, so I casually mentioned something I wanted—a pair of Swarovski earrings costing around 50,000 yen. I was hoping I’d receive at least something for my birthday, but all I got was a message.
Maybe it’s wrong to judge things based solely on gifts, but I feel sad because I don’t feel valued.
In this situation, would he be put off if I persistently asked him for a present?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
People think differently, but personally, I’m put off when a papa asks me for gifts. I end things right away.
Why not try stopping the gifts you give your papa as well?
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Hello! I’m Kosaka from the staff, and I’d like to answer as well!
If I understand correctly, you give him a small gift every time you meet. But if you do it every time, it may lose that sense of surprise—he might start thinking, “Okay, here’s the usual thing!”—and simply accept items like ties as a matter of course.
Why not stop giving gifts for a little while and try creating a sense of surprise when you do give one?
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Hello! This is Takasaka from the staff, and I’d like to answer as well!
I got the impression that you give him a small gift every time you meet. But if you do that every time, it may start to feel less like a surprise and more like, “Yep, the usual,” when he receives things like the tie.
Why not stop giving gifts for a little while and try creating more of a surprise when you do give him something?
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I’ve never turned down a request when I’ve been asked for something, though.
Well, let’s just say there are people like that...
I do tell them not to ask for anything too expensive, though（笑).
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Why give a present when you haven’t received anything in return?
If you genuinely want to give it to them, you can’t really complain. But if you’re going to resent it afterward, there’s no need to give it in the first place.
So they didn’t even get you a birthday present, huh? It’s a little sad when the relationship is only physical.
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After reading your question, I found myself wondering what I would have done in your place.
It would depend on the nature of the relationship, but if the earrings cost ¥50,000, I think I would have granted the request. If they cost ¥500,000, though, I probably would have hesitated. For the record, the most expensive earrings I’ve ever given as a gift cost ¥1.5 million. I cried tears of blood.
I believe the most important thing about a gift is the thought behind it. It’s not necessarily that your papa (a male supporter) has no feelings; perhaps he simply considers the allowance to be the gift.
Your question is whether asking would put him off, but you might try going to the store together and making a cute little request. It could lead to a new development. I wish you the best of luck.
Just one bit of unsolicited advice: you shouldn’t expect anything in return for a gift. That’s the spirit of giving. That said, of course we all have our expectations. If he does buy you those cute earrings, be even more enthusiastic than usual that night.
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Thank you for your question.
Maezawa here.
I don’t think gifts should be given with the expectation of something in return. Since you gave it as a gesture of your feelings, I think that should be the end of it.
If you’re going to give someone a gift expecting something back, you’d probably feel better giving them nothing at all. That way, you also won’t end up feeling dissatisfied, as you do now, because you gave something but didn’t receive anything in return.
Whether you should pull back when they ask you for something isn’t really the issue.
I think you should make a little more effort to understand the other person.
My guess is that this person simply isn’t used to giving gifts. Once you understand that, you may be able to accept that it’s just the kind of person they are and enjoy the relationship without feeling dissatisfied.
If you want gifts in return, you should find someone who will properly reciprocate.
There are all kinds of people, so if you learn to recognize what type of person someone is, I think you’ll avoid frustrations like this in the future. It might be a good idea to get better at judging the men you date.
Personally, I do think that when someone gives you a gift, it would be nice to give something back. But people are different, so I hope you can take that into consideration and let this go.
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