For an adult relationship (intimate), I was hoping for 50,000 yen or more. The man who made me his first offer said he’d like to keep seeing me, and suggested, “How about 10,000 yen for dinner, and 40,000 yen on days we have an adult relationship?” I accepted as is.
I’ve never discussed the allowance in detail before, so does this mean 10,000 + 40,000 = 50,000 yen on days that include both dinner and an adult relationship, or does it mean 40,000 yen total?
Since dinner costs money too, I’m not particularly hung up on it. I’d be very happy if it’s 50,000 yen, and happy enough if it’s 40,000 yen—I just wanted to clarify the nuance in Japanese.
How would you interpret it? Is this the kind of detail people are supposed to confirm with each other clearly?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
On Twitter, you may have seen posts saying things like “an extra few thousand yen for holding hands,” but that’s calculated by adding fees for each option.
At a club, very few people approach papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) that way.
So, as you’re imagining, it’s common for the allowance to be 40,000 yen on a day you go to a hotel, even if you also have dinner.
That said, if both of you are looking for a transactional relationship, you might be able to negotiate 40,000 yen for about two hours at a hotel without dinner.
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Nice to meet you, I’m KN, a female member of Universe.
As the other respondents have said, I think it would be best to ask your papa (a male supporter) directly about that. If you ask and he says, “I meant a total of 5,” you’ll feel more reassured.
That said, I understand why it can be difficult to bring up money as a woman, since you may worry about seeming rude. If someone said that to me, I might also wonder what exactly they meant. Especially with papas who have only recently started using the club, misunderstandings can happen.
Money matters are tricky because women sometimes have to be a little strategic too, don’t they?
So, just as an example, during the drive to or from a date, or at a natural point in the conversation, you could say:
“I’m really happy that I get to spend time with you like this, ○○. You’re the first person who has offered separate allowances for dinner and an adult relationship (intimate). Thank you so much.”
This way, you’re showing your appreciation and putting your papa in a good light while confirming the terms again. What do you think?
I’m still only a junior member at the club myself, so there may be parts of my wording that aren’t quite perfect. Please take this as just one example.
Books on business or hostess negotiation techniques and sales strategies can be very helpful, so give them a read if you’re interested.
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Thank you for your question.
Maezawa here.
Looking at the Japanese wording, “4 on days when we have an adult relationship” can be interpreted as meaning that the allowance is 4 on those days, whether or not you also have a meal.
So I think it’s best to assume that the arrangement this time is 4. Some considerate men may realize that you’re hoping for 5 if you ask to confirm, but others may feel they can’t continue seeing you if you agreed to 4 and then ask for 5.
Since you’ve already agreed, I think you should be happy to continue seeing him for 4 for as long as you’re together.
However, if you really want 5, it would be better to tell other men who approach you that you’re looking for 5 rather than 4, and start seeing them on those terms. Once you’re seeing several men who offer 5 or more, you can then consider whether to end this current arrangement.
> Is it normal for both people to properly confirm these kinds of details?
Exactly.
However, asking now could potentially cause things not to go smoothly. I think it would have been better to confirm when he first asked, “How about 1 for dinner and 4 on days we have an adult relationship?”
That said, if you ask, “So is it 4 plus 1?” he might respond, “So 4 is okay even without dinner?” and that could become confusing.
You might be better off saying something like:
“I’d be happy with 5, though.”
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Are you supposed to clarify every little detail with each other?
Even without confirming, hasn’t it already been established that:
> On days when there’s an adult relationship, it’s 4.
It also seems like you’re changing the interpretation too much afterward to suit your own convenience.
I think it depends on whether there are days that are dinner only.
If every meeting includes dinner plus an adult relationship, then I suppose it would be 5. But I think the more common interpretation is that a dinner-only day means 1.
If you brought this up for clarification afterward, it would be a major turnoff.
I think it’s important for both people to accept each other as they are.
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Unfortunately, I think the total is probably 4.
If you want 5 in total, the initial negotiation is important. Use what you learned with the next person.
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Yes, I believe that’s something the two people involved need to clarify between themselves.
Only the person who said it knows what they meant by it.
I think it would be irresponsible to guess which interpretation they intended, so I’ll refrain from answering.
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