I’m active while hiding the fact that I’m married, but my limited availability may have made my partner vaguely suspicious. He seems like he wants me to tell him.
Should I tell him, or continue keeping it hidden?
(He is married as well.)
Thank you in advance.
This is Hajime Hara from Universe Club’s Ginza branch.
I understand you’re unsure whether to tell him that you’re married, but I think either choice could work.
If you don’t tell him, he might feel disappointed and pull away, thinking, “So you were planning to hide it from me all along.” On the other hand, if you do tell him, the fact that he knew could come back to haunt both of you if the relationship is discovered.
I hope things work out well for both of you.
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Personally, I don’t think either option is necessarily better. But since he wants to know, and the way you phrased your question makes it seem like you’re feeling guilty, it might be best to tell him simply and casually.
Confessing that you’d kept it from him might even make the sex better. Though I may be the only one who thinks that way.
P.S.
If I may, I’d like to add a little advice.
Some men change the way they treat you once they realize you’re “one of them.” For example, even if he’s understood your boundaries up to now, those restraints may disappear. Men tend to judge others by their own standards, so he may irrationally assume that he won’t get caught and try to see you more often or spend longer periods of time together. Generally speaking, married women actually face much greater risks, though.
So if you do tell him, I recommend confirming your arrangement again—including the allowance. Embarrassingly, this advice is based on my own experience.
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I’ve offered to married women before and been told some absolutely outrageous things, so it wouldn’t bother me to hear that.
But as Mac-san said, I think it’s best to take every possible precaution to keep the relationship discreet.
When conflicts arise, things can get complicated—just look at Russia and Ukraine.
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Given the nature of our relationship, I probably should tell him soon.
But there’s really no reason to go out of my way to date a married female member, so I’m on the fence.
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It depends on the trust between you, but since this would amount to a double affair, the risk is twice as high.
For the sake of sharing information, wouldn’t it be better to be honest with them? Just make sure you tell them in person—don’t leave anything in writing, like on LINE, that could be used as evidence.
I’m not trying to threaten you; I’ve genuinely heard of spouses of married people involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) demanding compensation.
It’s not my business, so I’m not going to tell you not to have an affair, but you really need to be extremely careful.
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