Please hear me out about my experiences with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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So far, I’ve met dozens of men through papa-katsu. At first, I arrange a first meeting with an allowance, and if we both like each other, we discuss the terms of the arrangement for future meetings.
Almost every man I’ve met has complimented my appearance, saying things like, “You’re beautiful,” or “You must be popular.” However, about 90% of them never lead to a second meeting. I don’t contact them after we part, but they always message me saying, “It was nice meeting you today.”
When I tell men I’ve met that I’m looking because I recently parted ways with my previous papa, they often ask, “What were the terms of that arrangement?” When I answer, “He gave me ¥___ per month,” they always respond with things like, “Wow, he was generous!” or “There probably aren’t many men who can offer that much these days, are there?” I tell them that I’m not expecting them to match what my previous papa offered, but things still never progress.
Some men have even said things like, “Are you sure I’m good enough for you?” or asked, “What days and times are easiest for you to meet?” and “Should I come over to your area again next time?” But even with those men, things ended after just the first meeting.
Would men really compliment a woman who isn’t beautiful or cute?
Would they ask about convenient days and times to meet if they had no intention of seeing her again? I’m sure some men say things they don’t really mean, but after meeting dozens of men, does that mean almost all of them were just being polite to me?
What do you think is preventing them from inviting me to meet again?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
Do you really not realize it?
It’s because ○○万円 is simply too high and doesn’t match what you bring to the table.
If you lower it, you’ll find papas who are willing to continue seeing you. If you’re okay with receiving less than your previous papa paid, you should state the lowest amount you can accept—and won’t compromise on—from the beginning.
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It looks like all the answers have already been covered, but please allow me to add my two cents.
From your post, I got a good sense of how the papas reacted to you and what they said. The reason is that I often make similar comments myself. Sometimes I say things that don’t reflect how I really feel (笑). You shouldn’t take compliments or polite social niceties at face value.
On the other hand, I couldn’t tell from your post how you reacted to the papas or what you said to them. I’m concerned that perhaps you haven’t even been saying things that go against your true feelings. Even if we know a compliment is just flattery, us older guys still enjoy hearing it. And sometimes a lie can turn into the truth.
Please take another look at the things you’ve said to your papas. You may discover something interesting.
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Did you not send a thank-you message after the date?
Take a good look at what you may have failed to do.
Even in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), basic manners still matter.
Try looking up general etiquette online.
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Would you compliment a woman who is neither beautiful nor cute?
I don’t think you would, and I doubt you’d ask when she’s available to meet, either. Besides, you wouldn’t make an offer to a woman who was neither beautiful nor cute in the first place, so don’t worry（笑）
First of all, in your case, I think you’re lacking gratitude for receiving offers through the dating club. I hear there are many female members who never receive any offers. I think you should treat the men who make offers to you with more appreciation.
Also, receiving multiple offers through a dating club means you’ve made it to the starting line of a relationship. I think the problem is that you haven’t managed to get things moving afterward. Just interact with them like you would with a friend: “Thanks for today. I had fun doing ○○ with you. When can we meet again?” You just need to start moving forward together.
There are lots of strong, unseen rivals at dating clubs. Since that’s the kind of environment you’re working in, you should be more proactive.
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> Please hear me out about my experiences with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
・・・
> What do you think is preventing these men from inviting me out again?
“I don’t contact them after we part ways, but the men always message me saying, ‘It was nice meeting you today.’”
What do you do after the man contacts you?
If you ignore him, it’s only natural that things end there. And depending on the content of your reply, it also seems perfectly natural for things to end at that point.
If a man messages you:
“It was nice meeting you today.”
and you liked him, I think the normal response would be something like:
“I feel the same way. Please invite me out again sometime.”
If you aren’t doing even that, then I feel things may be ending because there’s an issue with your communication skills.
> When they ask, “What were the terms of your arrangement with your previous papa?” I answer, “He gave me ¥〇〇〇,〇〇〇 every month.”
If you want the same amount as your previous papa, then I think it makes sense to answer that way. But if you’re open to other terms, I think it would be better to be a little vague.
When asked, you could say something like:
“I see my previous arrangement as being separate from this one. What kind of amount were you considering, Mr. 〇〇?”
That said, if there’s a minimum amount you absolutely need, then continuing to answer as you have been may also be the right approach.
> Some men even asked things like, “Are you okay with me being your papa?” “Are there certain days or times when it’s easier for you to meet?” or “Should I come all the way over there again next time?” But even with those men, things ended after just the first meeting.
Maybe you didn’t answer them properly, or perhaps you’re simply available too infrequently?
> Would men really compliment a woman who isn’t beautiful or cute?
Even if a woman is beautiful and cute, I think some men may still decide they don’t want to pursue an arrangement with her if she can’t communicate properly.
If you became an absolutely stunning beauty, there might be men who would want to see you again despite your current way of responding. So, if you want to keep acting the way you do now, you may need to become much, much more beautiful.
But if you could become a little more willing to express what you want and respond more warmly, I feel things could work out even with your current appearance.
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I think it’s simply because you’re not reaching out first.
When you meet for the first time, he’s probably treating you to a meal and giving you some allowance to cover transportation, so wouldn’t it be the least you could do to send a quick thank-you message?
I think most men are waiting for that kind of message.
Then, when she didn’t contact him for quite a while, he reached out to her, only to find out that she’d received a substantial allowance. I can kind of understand why he’d feel like, “Maybe I should pass.”
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Because you’ve become so accustomed to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) that you don’t even feel like sending a thank-you message within a few minutes of saying goodbye after the first meeting.
I think neither you nor your partner feels any excitement or freshness anymore.
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“I'm looking for a new papa because I broke up with my previous one” is the one thing you should never say.
A decent papa will be completely put off and immediately rule you out as someone worth seriously supporting.
It might work with a papa who treats women like objects, cycling through them for his own enjoyment, though.
I mean, when you’re dating a boyfriend, you wouldn’t want to hear all the intimate details about his ex, like how many times a week they slept together, right? Talking about money is just as awkward and personal, so it’s best avoided.
Also, if you don’t reach out first, you’ll never land a popular, handsome older papa. Good luck.
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Before talking about what kind of relationship you want, didn’t you tell him how much your previous papas paid you as an allowance?
Think of it like a business negotiation:
You’re the premium product, the papa is the customer, and the first meeting is a one-on-one consultation.
The golden rule when selling a high-priced product is to first explain what benefits the customer will get by buying it—in this case, by dating you.
Talk about what kind of dates you’d like to go on and what kind of relationship you’d like to have with your papa. Give him something to dream about.
Unless you’ve communicated that thoroughly, you shouldn’t say anything that makes him start imagining the price. Once money enters his mind first, he stops thinking clearly and is more likely to lose interest.
Also, after a one-on-one consultation, the seller would normally thank the prospective customer, right?
In your case, the customer said, “Thank you for explaining the product,” but the seller never said, “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to discuss this with you.”
Right now, he’s getting away with saying, “It’s a lovely product. I’m sure it’ll sell,” without actually buying.
People’s true feelings show in their actions, not their words.
I think the truth lies in the fact that he hasn’t asked you out a second time.
It’s me.
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If things don’t continue past the second meeting about 90% of the time, why not take the initiative and contact them yourself?
After the first meeting, you have dinner together, chat, receive your allowance, and say goodbye, right?
In that case, I think it’s only proper for the woman to send a thank-you message afterward, such as, “Thank you for today.”
If you just wait for the man to contact you, people may understandably see you as rather high-handed.
Also, replying that you don’t expect him to do as much as your previous papa may be hurting his pride without you realizing it.
Even if a man is toward the lower end of the club’s hierarchy, he is still generally a high earner by society’s standards.
Even if he usually dates women for an allowance of 5, if he thinks a woman is worth 10, he’ll pay it, even if it means stretching himself a little.
It simply means he doesn’t see that level of value in you.
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Simply put, they decided there was no reason to pay money just to spend time together.
You can’t even show appreciation, and you judge everything solely by money.
Since papa-katsu is a give-and-take arrangement, they probably won’t do anything that isn’t enjoyable.
—Akari
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I think it’s because you’re not reaching out first.
In my personal experience, almost every woman has sent me a message saying, “Thank you for today.” When nearly everyone else sends one, I think only a small number of men would deliberately choose a woman who doesn’t and seems completely uninterested in him.
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