Thank you all for your answers about personal expenses on overseas trips with a papa (a male supporter).
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I have another question.
For an overseas trip with my papa, I was told to bring about ¥30,000 for my own shopping and souvenirs.
He also said that since the flights, casino visits, shows, and meals would be quite expensive for him, he wondered if we could skip the allowance for intimacy during the trip.
Part of me thinks that if it’s such a financial burden, he shouldn’t have invited me in the first place. And if it’s only around ¥30,000 for my souvenirs, I feel he could cover that too…
Ladies, what would you do?
Would you tell him how you really feel?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
You describe him as a low-paying papa, yet he makes all kinds of demands, and you don’t want to accommodate them.
Given that you don’t have enough trust between you, traveling together would likely be stressful for both of you. It’s probably best not to go.
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If you’re short on money, go; if you’re not, turn him down, I guess.
He sounds like a stingy papa, so personally, I don’t think you’d have much fun spending time with him.
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By the way, what’s the point of going on a trip?
Isn’t it to have an amazing time and make wonderful memories?
If you’re so doubtful and anxious that you’ve had to ask about it here twice, will you really be able to do that?
Think about that first.
Since you’re going to casinos and shows, I don’t think he’s necessarily cheap or a low-paying papa (a male supporter). He may just be awkward about how he asks things—or lacking a little tact.
He may be a papa, but you’re worrying about the little things too much.
When you’re shopping, just create a cute, natural atmosphere that makes him want to buy things for you.
Do some research on the places you want to visit, and then coyly suggest, “We can be intimate back home in Japan, so let’s do things we can only do while traveling♡”
A normal papa will fall for that pretty easily lol.
Even if it’s papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I wouldn’t go on a trip I couldn’t enjoy, and I wouldn’t want to travel with a PJ who wasn’t going to enjoy it either.
A mismatch in values is much harder to deal with than having different attitudes toward money.
—It’s me
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If it were me, I simply wouldn’t go on a trip unless I felt genuinely happy and excited to be going together.
It sounds like the two of you only see things in terms of what you stand to gain or lose. With that kind of dynamic, I think you’re better off not traveling together.
That said, the man sounds extremely petty and stingy, yet still wants to look cool. And as for you, the questioner—you’re not exactly being endearing either. Get a grip already~~
—Akari
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Phrases like “Ladies” or “Those of you answering, what do you do?” are usually just something people write when they’re asking a question to kill time.
At the end of the day, what everyone else is doing doesn’t really matter. The important thing is whether it’s causing you a problem.
The wording “What do you all do?” sounds more like something from a survey when the person asking isn’t actually troubled. It’s probably just curiosity about what everyone else does.
And this time, since the wording is “I can’t help thinking…” and “I ended up thinking…,” it’s really just a matter of personal impressions.
So if you feel it’s fine, you can go ahead while still feeling that way. If you don’t think it’s okay, then you can simply decline.
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If the papa I’m seeing invited me, I think I’d go even without an allowance.
We’re in a monthly arrangement, and he already gives me more than enough on a regular basis. Besides, I like him, so I’d like to give him something from me as a keepsake—something he can remember the trip by.
He’s never told me to buy my own souvenirs, but I’ll prepare something and bring it with me. That said, I never actually end up paying for anything myself.
If you’re not feeling up for it, it’s probably better not to go. That way, you won’t end up having a bad time during the trip, and you won’t put any pressure on him either.
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I’ll go if it’s someone I like, but otherwise, I won’t.
I once agreed to go on a trip without an allowance, thinking it would probably be fine, but a minor problem came up and it really left me feeling awful. I thought, “If I’d at least gotten an allowance, I could’ve put up with it.”
Rather than stretching yourself to go abroad, you’d be much better off taking a luxurious one-night trip somewhere in Japan.
Though I guess telling you that won’t change anything.
—Marika
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It’s a relationship where both sides are only weighing the benefits they can get.
What’s with men who make women worry about that—and women who let it bother them?
Even when one mystery is solved, another remains… namely, why they keep the relationship going.
You should travel with a papa you actually want to see. It doesn’t have to be two or three times a week, but if you don’t at least want to see him a couple of times a month, it won’t be enjoyable.
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I’ve never traveled with a papa (a male supporter), but…
When I go out with a man, I almost never have to take out my wallet. I’m grateful when someone takes me on an overseas trip and pays for everything. If you can’t feel that way, then why not just skip the trip?
If you don’t even want to pay for your own souvenirs, then maybe you shouldn’t go on the trip in the first place.
Personally, I probably wouldn’t travel with someone who wouldn’t buy me souvenirs anyway. (I go assuming I’ll pay for my own souvenirs, but in the end, they always end up buying them for me.) And if someone is only worth traveling with if they do that much for you, then maybe you don’t really want to travel with that person in the first place.
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On an overseas trip with my papa, I was told to bring around ¥30,000 for my own shopping and souvenirs.
☆Wouldn’t it be reasonable for you to pay for your own shopping and souvenirs for your family?
He also said that since the flights, casino visits, shows, and meals abroad would be a significant expense, he’d prefer not to give me an allowance for intimacy during the trip.
☆Since he’s taking me on the trip, Ayase Nana thinks it might be okay to go without that allowance.
If you don’t like it, you simply don’t have to go. He’s only a man you see once every two months, after all.
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A man who can read between the lines without being told wouldn’t bring something like that up in the first place.
If you want to continue the relationship as it is with a man like that, then you don’t have to say anything. But if you feel you don’t need a relationship with a man who won’t even cover your souvenir expenses, then you should tell him how you feel.
After reading your previous question, I already felt that a woman over 30 with that mindset probably shouldn’t be doing allowance-based dating, and this question only reinforced that feeling.
I don’t think people who can’t make their own decisions are suited to allowance-based dating.
For reference, I’ve been registered with a club for almost three years now, and three women have invited me on trips, saying they didn’t need an allowance.
I told each of them, “I want you to accept an allowance so I can have sex with you without holding back,” then gave them an allowance and went traveling with them.
Sometimes the women paid for their own shopping, and sometimes I paid.
I just remembered, so I’ll add this:
Whenever I paid for a woman’s shopping while we were traveling, she would also give me some kind of gift from the destination.
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