Sorry for posting again—I’m the 21-year-old woman from earlier. I’m also interested in BDSM as part of an adult relationship (intimate). Is that the kind of preference people include in their profiles? Ideally, I’d like to match with someone compatible. Sorry, I’m not familiar with how the system works, so I’d appreciate any advice.

There’s a section in your profile where you can write whatever you like, so I think it would be a good idea to put something like “masochist” or “interested in BDSM.” Just writing “M” or “total masochist” won’t work because people can’t search for those terms.

> Do you usually include those kinds of preferences in your profile? They ask about various things during the interview. You don’t have to answer anything you’d rather not, but if you feel strongly about something, and you talk about it in detail, it may be included in your profile. For example, if you say, “There’s something I’d like to try someday, but I’ve never done it before,” it seems like they may write that exactly as is. That said, if they think you’re attractive enough to receive offers without mentioning anything like that, they may leave it out. So it might be a good idea to tell them, “I’d like to meet someone who’s into those things, so please include it.” However, people may send offers that go far beyond what you expected, so I think it’s better to have it mentioned subtly. Men who are into S or M can pick up on even that much and send offers. Apparently, they can tell from videos or photos whether a woman is M or S. People who are really into that world are impressive. Although “people from that world” sounds a little strange—they’re just men with ordinary jobs. I mean that people who are seriously into S or M can pick up on those preferences. Apparently, some of them can even engage in SM play during dinner alone. (Although I imagine they’d need to gradually bring their partner up to the same level.) It’s quite something. > They’re probably just going along with the woman and being led to believe it. That may be true, too. But if someone keeps deceiving you until the day you die, then for that person, it becomes the truth. So in its own way, I think that’s fine. Of course, although I said they could pick up on those things, I’ve also heard reports of things turning out differently after the date. I could have worded that better. It’s unclear how accurately they were actually reading the situation, but there were also reports of things turning out exactly as expected. So it’s certainly possible that the woman was simply going along with it, but if the two of them are getting along well, I think that’s fine. As for putting someone under suggestion, now that you mention it, that may be possible too.

As Dai-san said, if it’s something as superficial as “Do you think you’re more S or M?” then it’s usually written in the profile. In my personal experience, people talk about their preferences after they’ve met. Whether they discuss them before going to a room, after being intimate once, or after becoming comfortable with each other through several encounters depends on the woman’s personality and how the conversation unfolds. I don’t think you can know your compatibility until you’ve actually been intimate. Also, since you’re inexperienced and haven’t really established your own preferences yet, it’s probably too soon for you to worry about compatibility. I think compatibility is something you gradually discover as you gain experience.

There are many different kinds of BDSM play. Many women enjoy things like verbal humiliation or being left waiting, but don’t like anything painful, dirty, or physically distressing. If I had to say whether I’m more dominant or submissive, I’m definitely dominant. I enjoy things like blindfolding someone, putting a remote-controlled vibrator on her, and having her walk around outside, but when it comes to pain, the most I’d do is spanking. I’ve never done anything dirty or physically distressing. There’s a section on the profile called “papa-katsu interview,” which asks, “Would you say you’re more dominant or submissive?” Some people answer with things like, “I think I’m the service-oriented submissive type.” I hope you meet someone nice!