We’ve been seeing each other for about six months, and I’ve come to really like him. He’s in his 50s and married.
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At first, I thought I’d be satisfied as long as I received money. But he pays attention to even the smallest things and suggests or gives me various things to make my life easier. It’s complicated, but we didn’t meet through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I don’t receive a regular allowance. Still, I feel a strong emotional connection with him. I’ve never had a relationship this comfortable before, and I’ve never felt this cherished. I know some people would simply call it an affair, but still…
In the past, I was pursued and harassed by a papa (a male supporter) I had been seeing for a long time, demanding that I return the money he had given me. Because of that, I’m currently seeing the man I like under a fake name and with a false date of birth…
He treats me so well that keeping up the lie has become painful, and I’ve started wanting to tell him the truth about who I really am.
However, since he’s married, I can’t let my guard down.
Should I keep it to myself and tell him someday if we’re still close years from now? Or is it better not to tell him at all?
If you were a man, which would make you happier?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Member of another dating club
If you’re still unsure, it’s probably better not to say anything.
That reminds me—I once fell for someone I met through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but they eventually turned me down. Looking back, I’m glad I’d kept using a fake name. It made the lingering feelings after it ended feel somehow nicer.
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As for which would make me happier, I’d prefer being told the truth.
If we’re going to have a serious relationship with a genuine emotional connection, I feel that we should at least know each other’s real names and dates of birth. Conversely, I don’t think a relationship can become serious if one person continues using a false name.
That’s just my personal opinion. In fact, the woman I’m currently seeing and I both know each other’s real information and are genuinely facing the relationship together.
That said, in your case, since the man is married, I’m not sure it would be wise to reveal your real information too casually.
Telling someone the truth does involve risks.
However, I think he would also understand the feeling behind you telling him despite taking those risks. Ultimately, it depends on your relationship and your respective values, so think it over carefully and make the final decision yourself.
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If he doesn’t ask any probing questions, I think it’s fine not to bring it up yourself.
However, if it seems like you might eventually travel together or become even closer, it might be worth telling him.
Ultimately, it depends on the atmosphere and distance between the two of you… only you two know what feels right.
Akari
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It’s better not to say anything. If you do, you could end up getting cut off. If things are good as they are, it’s safest to leave them that way.
Still, this really is a case of the rescuer becoming the one in need of rescuing.
P.S.
I understand what Adventure Merchant is saying, and the papa supporting the questioner may feel the same way. But try putting yourself in the wife’s shoes.
The moment you share your real name and other personal details, the relationship becomes more serious. In other words, it also becomes more clearly an affair.
If the wife found out, don’t you think her anger and sadness would be less intense if the other woman were just someone using a fake name from a dating club?
That means sharing your real name doesn’t just increase the questioner’s own risk—it also exposes the papa supporting her to more risk. It’s almost like throwing mud on him.
If I were a woman, I’d think that far ahead.
On the other hand, if I were in the papa’s position, I think I’d learn how sincere the questioner was and decide that I had no choice but to manage the risks myself—and end things because of that.
Not because I was being unfair, or because I was afraid of my wife, but because I cared about the questioner.
Being married already puts the other person at risk, so I’d feel guilty about adding even more.
Honestly, continuing a relationship as a married person after exchanging real names feels, to me, like taking a risk close to having sex without a condom. Use a condom.
P.S. 2
I believe the right kind of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is one where nobody—including yourself—gets hurt.
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