When someone says, “I don’t have time to cheat,” does that mean they would cheat if they had the time?
This content is machine-translated.
There’s someone I’m interested in.
We’re about 20 years apart in age, with them being older.
They’ve been dating around for quite a long time and are divorced. When I asked, “If we started dating, you’d cheat on me, right?” they said:
“I wouldn’t. Between work, my hobbies, and having you in my life, I wouldn’t have time to cheat. I’m not at an age where I’d do that anymore.”
But part of me still can’t believe them, wondering whether they’d do it if they had the time.
Apparently, they did cheat once during their marriage—just a one-night stand. According to them, “That wasn’t cheating! I was young, and it was a mistake brought on by being drunk!”
I believe that anyone who has cheated even once will definitely cheat again, no matter how much time has passed.
For example, someone might decide to quit a dating club and leave it behind, but then give in to their urges and start again…
I do like this person, but should I stay away from them after all?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
You’ve clearly lost faith in men.
Men are basically all unfaithful—if you count visiting sex workers as cheating, that is.
I don’t think there’s a single man who’s never cheated.
Why not give up on the world and go live in a convent?
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
You’re also a female member of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), aren’t you?
You’re willing to be intimate with other men, yet you can’t stand the idea of your boyfriend—or someone you like—being intimate with another woman.
That seems a little unreasonable.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I feel that beneath the words, “I wouldn’t. Between work, my hobbies, and you, I wouldn’t have time to cheat. I’m not that age anymore,” there’s still a desire to be attractive to women if possible.
That makes me think he isn’t actually all that popular. Even if he did cheat, it would probably be the kind of affair the other woman saw as nothing more than a casual fling.
So, in conclusion, I don’t think he’s popular enough for you to worry that much, even if you date him. They say love is blind, but for some reason, it also makes us want to overestimate people.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
You don’t have to take it that way…
He isn’t saying, “If I had time to cheat, I would.”
He’s saying:
“If I have you, I wouldn’t cheat. I’m too old for that kind of thing now. You’re the best.”
The part about “having time” was just an extra point he added for emphasis—meaning he doesn’t even have time for something like that.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Hmm, I can’t say whether they’ll cheat or not…
Whether you should end things is ultimately up to you.
Personally, I choose to trust my partner. Even if they were cheating, if they’re someone I’d still want to be with, I’d think, “As long as they eventually come back to me, I guess that’s enough!”
I’m pretty devoted, so even if I got cheated on or dumped, I’d probably still love them.
If you stay together, you might always feel anxious. But even after breaking up, you may still love them and suffer because you can’t be together. I guess it comes down to which pain you’d rather choose.
Personally, if being together makes me feel far happier and more fulfilled, I’d stay with them.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I never cheated while I was married, but that was because cheating never even crossed my mind as an option.
You could say my ethics acted as a brake.
In that sense, as you said, men who have cheated even once should be viewed with suspicion.
I don’t think the amount of time involved is relevant.
It really comes down to whether you can take that man at his word.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
As far as I’m concerned, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) isn’t cheating. It’s a contractual relationship.
If the allowance stops, then we can think about it.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Potassium, a female member.
If you believe that anyone who has cheated even once will definitely cheat again, no matter how much time has passed, then you don’t trust him in the first place. In that case, I think he probably will cheat.
Personally, I think that when cheating involves genuine feelings, it may be because the man has grown tired of the woman—though after marriage, perhaps that’s just an unavoidable result of becoming bored with the routine.
Or maybe he no longer sees her as a romantic partner, but still has feelings of wanting to cherish her. I think those are two different things.
From your post, I didn’t feel that you truly trusted him anymore, nor did I sense any effort to make him like you even more than he does now. So, I think he probably will cheat.
In any relationship, you have to keep thinking about how to avoid being taken for granted or becoming boring to your partner. That’s the difficult part. If you can’t work that out for yourself, I feel the outcome probably won’t change, no matter what you do.
Well, even if someone cheated on me, I’d still love them if I loved them, and I’d continue the relationship if that’s what I wanted.
It would be a rough road and probably destroy me mentally, though—hahaha.
But that’s my own decision, so it’s not about who’s at fault. I’d be fully responsible for my own choice.
That’s just my personal opinion, though.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If a woman I met through a dating club started talking about cheating and all that, I’d be put off.
Seeing multiple people is par for the course, so regardless of what the man actually intends, why not take it as a sign that she cares enough to make excuses—and treat her even better?
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
When someone says they don’t have time to cheat, I think they mean they want to spend their time with you—not that they would cheat if they had the time…
I don’t think it’s a good idea to ask a man outright, “You’re going to cheat on me, right?”
If he wants to cheat, he’ll do it, and if he’s decided not to, asking won’t give you any real guarantee anyway.
What matters most is whether you want to be with that person. Personally, if I liked someone, I’d still like them even if they cheated on me, so I think I’d stay with them.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
