Hello everyone. I’m Yoshino, one of the question-box respondents (though I’m sorry I haven’t answered enough to really call myself that).

I’m Taro, also completely late to the conversation. Sorry—I work the night shift. But Yoshino is persistent, so I’m writing this assuming she’ll definitely read it（笑） I don’t know, there’s something about the question itself that feels off to me. It’s inevitable that some people won’t work out, and isn’t it obvious that the reasons would include things besides looks? Looks may be the reason someone makes you an offer, but they aren’t the reason they continue seeing you. There’s no information at all about how you treat men in ways unrelated to your appearance. Let’s say it’s good that you’ve realized the importance of what’s inside, not just the outer shell. Your appearance is only going to decline over time, isn’t it? Even if you spend money on all kinds of anti-aging treatments, all you’re doing is reducing the extent of that decline. That may be important too, but if that’s all you have going for you, your career is obviously going to be a short one. I don’t understand why you’d focus so heavily on that. There’s something beautiful about staking your entire life on a moment of brilliance, but I don’t think that’s what Yoshino wants to do. Actually, what is it that you want? Some people answered, “Just be yourself,” and I agree, though perhaps I mean it a little differently. I’m not saying you should become a queen ant—that would be “ant mama.” What I mean is that you need to understand what you’re looking for. You said it bothers you that you didn’t appeal to certain men. Why? People are compatible in different ways, so no one can appeal to everyone. Are you trying to achieve perfection there? How did you actually feel? You didn’t write this, but are you troubled because things didn’t work out with a man you had come to like? Let’s say, for example, that you’re a perfectionist. If you’re going to use a dating club, you want to give the best performance possible. Or perhaps, if things aren’t working out, you want to be the one to end it on your own terms—you don’t want the other person to reject you. You want to charm every single person 100%. If that’s what you want, then you should act the part thoroughly. Even if you show up as your genuine self, compatibility means you can never achieve 100%. Gather and analyze every detail about the other person, figure out how to win them over, perfectly play the role of the woman they want, and control everything, including the circumstances. That should let you achieve something close to 100% performance. At that point, it’s no longer a question of personality, but simply a matter of skill. If that’s truly what you want, all you have to do is hone your skills. It’s not a philosophy of life—it’s a technical problem. Once you understand what you’re looking for, everything else becomes a matter of technique. Yoshino, you haven’t discovered yourself yet. A lot of people mix those things together, but then their worries never end. So the first thing you should do is get to know yourself. Do you want everything to be perfect? Are you afraid of being disliked? Do you want money? You don’t need to explain it to anyone else, so you should examine yourself honestly and without holding anything back. Once you understand your true desires, you’ll establish your own guiding principle. From there, everything becomes a matter of technique for operating according to that principle. Technique is the easy part. Getting to know yourself is by far the hardest. But once you understand yourself, a lot of things become simpler. You’ll also start by thinking about what the other person is looking for. If you work things out from there, I think you’ll be able to understand a lot of things much more simply. Taro

I’m completely late to the party, but since I was specifically asked to answer, here goes. First of all, I think you should aim to become the perfect—or rather, ideal—version of yourself in your own eyes. As for whether that will actually make you perfect, I don’t think it’s possible to remain perfect in front of everyone. In the first place, becoming perfect isn’t that easy. Actually, since your idea of perfection keeps evolving, I sometimes feel like I’ll never be perfect for the rest of my life. I’ve also tried to aim for perfection, but I still seem to be a long way off. However, as a result of earnestly striving toward something, the people around me have made up for what I lack. Maybe I seemed more endearing to those above me in age or position because of that, and they’ve helped me along the way—and they still do. I never did any of this intentionally. I’m desperately doing my best, and I’m not clever enough to deliberately leave openings（笑） Personally, I’m really drawn to little vulnerabilities or troublesome sides that someone shows only to me. The more perfect everyone else thinks a girl is, the more effective it seems to be. Also, it’s not that I like girls who are vulnerable or troublesome in general. I like it when a girl I like has those vulnerable sides, and I like it when a girl I like is a little troublesome. If a girl I don’t like has those kinds of openings, I just think, “You should get it together.” And if a girl I don’t like is being difficult, I think, “What a hassle.” That said, I basically treat women kindly, so I don’t make my feelings obvious（笑） I’m no longer sure what I’m trying to say or whether I’m even answering the question, but the topic was what makes a woman attractive on the inside, right? Taking everything I said above into account, for me, inner attractiveness isn’t something clearly defined. It’s more like the little vulnerabilities—or whatever it is that draws people in—that a girl I’ve come to like reveals. So I don’t think I can put it into words well enough to answer. Since having feelings for her is a prerequisite, in my case, I think cultivating one’s appearance is also extremely important, along with one’s inner qualities.

After closing a deal with a perfect proposal, clever responses, and impeccable timing on the close, I later asked what had ultimately made them decide. They said, “Because you worked so hard.” LOL That’s frustrating, lol. But maybe that’s really all it comes down to? Whether someone finds you interesting or appealing is up to them. Even if you aggressively push your selling points, they won’t necessarily buy—and sometimes it can actually come across as off-putting and become a disadvantage. Still, I choose to believe that’s what makes it difficult, and that the fear of not being good enough helps broaden you as a person, lol.

Thank you all for taking the time to answer my question. I was truly happy to receive every response and read them over and over again. Some parts are still a little difficult for me to process, but I hope to learn from various experiences and make them my own. It was also very educational to hear so many different opinions and perspectives. I’m grateful to everyone who offered kind words and took the time to think about my situation when responding. I want to keep living my life by thinking deeply and working through my worries, while making sure I don’t lose sight of who I am. Thank you so much.

I was working, so my reply is late. Sorry. I’ve never had anyone tell me, “You’re cute just by being here.” I’m jealous. I think most of the people who have offered to meet me were interested in my education and background from the start, rather than my appearance. I’m a little unusual, so they probably wondered, “What kind of person is she?” Those papas often tell me things like, “You’re socially maladjusted,” “I wonder how you’d survive if I weren’t around,” or “I’ve never met anyone like you.” Of course, they don’t mean it in a good way. They mean that I’m hopelessly awkward at navigating life. I have a decent educational background, but I’ve made major mistakes many times, and because I’m so awkward, I’ve gone through more hardships than people my age. (So, unfortunately, I don’t really relate well to people my age.) I’ve also caused my papas plenty of trouble. It’s not really about whether I have a good inner personality or not. My papas just seem to like the way I’m doing my best to get through life despite being so awkward, so I’m not sure whether that’s necessarily a good thing. I’ve had more painful experiences in life than happy ones, too. So I don’t think you should worry about it too much. Just keep doing your best to live your life. As you get older, those experiences will become part of your unique charm.

> I’ve been working on myself with the goal of becoming an even more beautiful woman. That’s impressive in its own way. It’s easy to say you want to become more beautiful, but actually putting it into practice is extremely difficult. > I convinced myself that the reason I couldn’t fully capture a man’s heart was because my appearance didn’t appeal to him. I think that’s slightly different. In the way you phrased it above, if you couldn’t fully capture his heart, then you should work on becoming a woman who can capture it more effectively. I think it’s the heart that captures someone’s heart. > I had become too accustomed to the comfortable and fortunate environment of being gently told, “You’re cute just the way you are. You make me feel at ease.” Actually, I think this shows that your inner qualities are wonderful as well. When someone says you make them feel at ease, it’s because your mannerisms, conversation, and consideration for the other person when you’re together are all excellent. There are women who don’t make you feel at ease even when you’re with them. When you look at it that way, your current level of inner appeal is probably quite high. > What kind of woman has well-developed inner魅力? It’s difficult to define inner appeal in general terms. What resonates with each man is different, and it’s not as though everyone is attracted to the same qualities. Even if you try to appeal to everyone, I have to say that’s difficult. For example, some men are drawn to women who have goals. A woman who says she wants to become a pilot—and is actually working hard toward that goal—will probably appeal to a certain number of men. Wanting to become a lawyer would be fine too, as would pursuing another national certification. Some men are also attracted to women who excel in a particular skill. If she knows things the man doesn’t, he may think, “This woman is interesting,” and feel drawn to her. As Mac sometimes writes about, a woman who can identify someone’s social media account from their LINE profile picture, for example, has abilities he doesn’t possess, so he’ll likely take notice and respect her. There are also women who are amazing at intimacy. Even being exceptionally responsive can make someone highly valued, and outstanding technique can earn her respect as well. I’m sure there are many other examples too. In any case, it’s impressive that you’re thinking this deeply about these things at just 20 years old.

Have you ever watched TV? There are plenty of beautiful actresses who are also entertaining when they talk on variety shows. Why not think about how you feel when you watch women like that? Even if they aren’t as funny as Sasshii, there are lots of women who are beautiful, approachable, and amusing. If it’s obvious they’re deliberately trying to create a gap, it can be off-putting, but I think you can still learn from them, including that aspect. Marika By the way, I don’t like girls who pretend to be naturally airheaded because they know men find that cute. Oh, I’m not talking about you, Nana.

A Woman with Inner Beauty I feel that I’d like to become that kind of woman too. I can only share what I personally feel, but to me, she is someone who: ・Shows compassion and gratitude toward everyone She doesn’t take what others do for granted and can express her appreciation through both words and actions. ・Continues to have a sense of curiosity No matter how old I get, I want to keep trying new things. ・Doesn’t compare herself to others She can go through life without becoming jealous or putting herself down. I’m not sure whether this will be helpful, but I’d like to share my personal motto: “Give me the courage to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.” — Reinhold Niebuhr I try to live by calmly accepting the things I can’t do anything about, putting effort into the things I can improve through my own actions, and, above all, hoping to be given the wisdom to tell the difference. Let’s encourage each other to become women with inner beauty!

I’m Potassium, a female member who wanted to become a deep person, but ended up being so shallow I could slip on ice. When it comes to spinning my wheels, I can easily land a quadruple spin. From your writing, I didn’t realize Yoshino-san was only 20. You really took me by surprise. I think the moment you decide you want to change something about yourself is already a wonderful thing, so Yoshino-san, you’re already wonderful as you are. But I’m guessing this probably isn’t the kind of answer you were looking for, so let me share my personal take. I’m the type who tends to approach people I’m not good at dealing with. The reason I do that is because it’s interesting. Why do I find this person difficult? Are they really someone I can’t stand? Am I judging them based on only one aspect of who they are? Sometimes, after properly talking with someone I dislike, I realize I only found them difficult because they were living in a world I didn’t understand. By continuing to learn about unfamiliar worlds through people I struggle with, my own world keeps expanding. And sometimes I discover that the reason I disliked someone was because they had certain traits that were actually a little similar to mine… (I’m not judging them based solely on small actions. I try to understand the thoughts and reasoning that led them there. That’s why conversation is essential, and why I’ll still interact with someone even if I find them difficult—unless I have an instinctive aversion to them.) I also enjoy learning about myself through other people. By meeting different people, I discover new worlds, form new opinions, and learn new sides of myself. Eventually, I started to find that version of myself interesting too. Even if I’m not inherently an interesting person, once I reach a point where I find myself interesting, it seems that the people around me sometimes start finding me interesting too. (I think one reason my papa (a male supporter) enjoys spending time with me is that I find myself interesting. Maybe that’s just me being overly self-conscious, but whatever, lol.) So that’s basically how I see things. It probably isn’t very helpful, but if there are other people who find me interesting, maybe it’s because of the influence of this way of thinking…? lol Just my usual personal theory. 》“Finding yourself interesting” is an interesting idea too, but more important than anything is finding the man in front of you interesting as an individual. Of course, of course—I’m very conscious of that too! When I dig into the environment and mindset that shaped someone’s personality, I find it fascinating, so I end up asking about their past… That’s partly why I want to make offers to girls as well. However, I felt that in this particular case, it might be like telling someone who dislikes math to simply learn to love it. Since the focus of the original question was on improving oneself, I honestly thought you might better understand the idea of looking at others from your own perspective. 》Incidentally, I dislike girls who know that men find ditzy girls cute and deliberately play the airhead character. I completely agree with that too. Why should I have to pretend to be someone I’m not just to curry favor with someone? If it takes that much, I’d rather be alone. ※I cut it down because it was getting long.

Let’s look at it from the opposite perspective. When you watch the club’s videos, an overwhelming number of women say their priorities are feedback > support > appearance. In other words, when things don’t work out with a woman, simply thinking, “I should offer a higher allowance,” probably won’t solve the problem—just as it doesn’t for men. A certain level of support is important, but if there are personality issues, the relationship won’t develop into an adult relationship (intimate). The same goes for women: appearance matters to some extent, but if there are problems beneath the surface, things won’t last. That said, as Paper Airplane mentioned, since this is a dating club, nighttime compatibility—from the man’s perspective—also plays a major role. With a young woman around 20, rather than learning any strange techniques, men who prefer taking the lead are usually happier when she simply lets him guide her and enjoys herself wholeheartedly.

Thinking things through is a very good thing. So is making an effort. There’s also the phrase “being yourself.” Since this is a club, how much of your true self should you show? I believe there are people who are compatible enough to accept each other just as they are. The club is a world where you can face one another as your genuine selves—your true nature—and compete on that level. You can reveal everything about yourselves and enjoy a deep relationship. Since the papa (a male supporter) is in an adult relationship (intimate), the woman may also be able to go further and delve deeper than she ever could otherwise. It’s a forbidden world you could never experience to that extent in ordinary society. From Yoshino’s post, I got the impression that she would be better off finding someone through ordinary dating rather than papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). If this were taking place in the outside world… At a club, there are relationships where people accept each other just as they are, and at the foundation of that, physical compatibility is given the highest priority. To be blunt, if the woman doesn’t feel amazing, it’s boring. There’s no fun in being together. That’s simply the kind of world a club is—it isn’t the outside world. If the physical compatibility is incredible, neither person will want to let the other go. There’s no need for flowery words, either.

Sorry I’m not in my 20s. You really don’t need to worry so much. I’m in my 40s, and I was told, “You keep heading into situations where I’m thinking, ‘There’s no way you should be doing that…’ You’re so reckless that I can’t take my eyes off you, so I’ll protect you (or keep an eye on you).” These days, I’m single because of work. Women are cute when they’re a little imperfect. I don’t think men are looking for a perfect woman, either. You’re still very young, so there’s no need to rush. I think it’s best to go at your own pace.

Yoshino, good morning. I’m Rin, a female SALON member. I think it’s already quite impressive that, at just 20, you’ve realized what your current situation is. When I think back to when I was 20, I just did whatever I wanted without giving much thought to anything. I don’t think I ever considered how I came across to those around me or how to interact with other people. I think you’re a wonderful person for being able to look at yourself objectively and having the courage to ask others for advice. Your writing shows a much more mature way of thinking than mine, honestly. I don’t think you need to force yourself to be involved with people you’re uncomfortable with. I think it’s enough to spend time with people who like you and need you. In the context of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I think that’s perfectly fine. If there are situations elsewhere in life where your looks don’t get you anywhere or you aren’t given special treatment, perhaps those simply aren’t places that suit you. To me, someone with inner魅力 is, of course, someone who also looks good, but is also worthy of respect. For example, someone who has devoted themselves deeply to something—whether it’s work or anything else—or someone with extensive knowledge in a particular area. Also, I’m not sure whether this counts as inner魅力, but I find people with graceful manners wonderful. I think things like that show when someone isn’t calm inside. You can’t successfully fake it just for the occasion, so I imagine it reflects a mindset they maintain in their everyday life. From your question, I can get a sense of your personality, and you seem like a genuinely attractive person.

This may just be a matter of personal preference, but I think you should aim to be a “beautiful woman with a wonderfully flawed side.” Go out there and get people saying, “She’d be beautiful if she just kept quiet. What a shame, ○○!” At parties, step forward and put yourself on the line. At mixers or group drinking parties, launch into embarrassing stories or personal anecdotes even when nobody asked. Come up with your own gags. Take the stage and bomb. It doesn’t matter if nobody laughs. Just be happy to put yourself out there whenever you can. What you need isn’t skill or a particular personality—just courage. And anyone can find courage. You can keep your beautiful looks exactly as they are. Just be brave enough to put yourself out there. If I ever get the chance to advise you in person, I’ll coach you into becoming a “beautiful woman with a wonderfully flawed side.” You’ll pass if I’m sitting beside you, cackling like a devil.

You’ve noticed something important. As Taro Yamada’s latest column says, it’s fine if your looks are just average. Your skills in the bedroom are several times more important for keeping an arrangement going. For me, the top priority is having a genuinely fun personality—someone who can both deliver and play along with jokes. The person I’ve been seeing for three years can do that; looks-wise, she’s about average among women at the club. Popular women are often starfish, though, so they don’t necessarily make much money. In that case, it might be quicker to focus on matchmaking and win over a high-income man who isn’t used to women. P.S. Mac is replying to everyone—amazing.