I don’t often point out things I’m unhappy about.
But somehow, the other person usually seems to pick up on it anyway.
We’re not dating, and I don’t expect them to change for me.
Besides, having some complaints doesn’t mean I’ll immediately end things.
If they have enough good qualities to make up for the shortcomings, I’ll continue seeing them.
If you’re only seeing someone because they give you an allowance, then speaking your mind may make them unhappy and bring the relationship to an end.
But if you like them even a little, I think you can build a better relationship going forward by talking things through and working them out.
This is the papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) market, so if they’re not a good fit, you can simply look for someone else.
I just leave without saying anything.
I don’t trust words. I’m not confident I can fully put my grievances into words, and I don’t think they’d necessarily come across the way I intend.
If I say something awkward, it could easily lead to misunderstandings. I’d rather leave the message unread and delete it, letting that speak for itself, than risk being misunderstood.
Besides, by that point, I’ve already started having negative feelings. I can’t put emotions like anger or sadness into words.
“Talking things out” also means confronting my own feelings, and I don’t want to take on that kind of stress.
I just take my time and gradually forget about them in peace.
I think it depends on the nature of the relationship and how it’s said.
My papa (a male supporter) tells me directly because he’s that kind of person. In return, he tells me to speak up too, so I don’t bottle up any frustrations.
Not many people will point out the ways you’re still growing as a person, so I’m grateful to him.
I actually think this is a good question. If you’re talking about giving feedback on a commercial service, there are all kinds of practical approaches. But I get the sense that you’re asking how to express dissatisfaction to someone when you’re somewhat emotionally invested, so I’ll answer on that basis. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in this area myself（笑）.
First, as a reminder to yourself as the man, you should ask whether part of you is thinking, “I’m paying, so things should go the way I want.” That’s where I went wrong at first. The issues themselves were minor—things like her not reacting much when I did something, or feeling that she could show a little more affection. But I said something that made me realize I’d been thinking that way without even noticing it, and she heard me say it too…
We had clicked from the very first meeting. After we’d met a few times, she told me she was a single mother. Of course, that was 100% fine with me, and everything between us had been going well—but that one comment ended it. I drove her home, and just before she got out, she gave me a huge smile, kissed me, and hugged me for a long time, even though she normally never did that. Then she stopped responding. (A few years later, I apologized by email while drunk, and she replied, “We both genuinely cared, so I guess it couldn’t be helped.” That made me feel a little better.)
There was also a period when I thought that, since this was a relationship involving money, maybe it would be better for us not to get too close and simply meet for intimacy. At first I was in full-on courtship mode and saw her once a week, but eventually we made it a transactional relationship and reduced it to once a month. I even indulged my sexual curiosity by treating her in ways I normally wouldn’t treat a woman. But somehow, things started going well in the opposite direction. Then I began to feel that I wanted to build a proper relationship after all. By that point, four years had passed. I tried to take things further and change our shallow, casual relationship, but it was already too late. On the surface we got along, but things were incredibly tangled. Because I never opened up about myself, she became suspicious of me. I thought the jokes I made at my own expense had landed, but she wasn’t taking them as jokes—she genuinely thought I was a delusional guy and was laughing at me. Even so, she continued seeing me, and by then her other papas had disappeared, so perhaps there was something there. But I couldn’t untangle the mess.
So I decided compromise wasn’t the answer. When I met another wonderful woman and we started seeing each other, I tried to carefully explain my dissatisfaction—after first checking that it wasn’t coming from the arrogance of “I’m paying.” But instead of saying, “I understand, I’ll work on it,” she got half-angry and said something like, “This is just who I am. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when you ask me to do something impossible.” I panicked and withdrew what I’d said.
The relationship continued, but the ball was back in my court, so it became a question of whether I could accept things as they were. On the other hand, if she had responded to that conversation with, “Okay, I understand. I’ll work on it,” would I really have been happy? I probably would have suspected that she was only adjusting herself because she was receiving money, and my feelings might have cooled.
I’m sorry, but I still haven’t found the right answer. The truth probably lies somewhere further ahead, but I’m still an immature piece of crap who has a lot to learn, so I’m still wandering around in this area. I apologize for the clumsy story, but I hope it gives you some perspective.
Taro
When an older person points out something they’d like a younger person to improve or expresses dissatisfaction, it often comes across as a lecture.
Unless you’re very careful about how you say it, there’s a good chance they’ll end up disliking you…
My papas never lecture me outright. Rather, they teach me through their actions. When they’re upset, they make it obvious, so I learn, “Ah, I shouldn’t say things like that.” We don’t really have specific discussions about it.
We’re the type to talk things through.
The woman I’m seeing is in her early twenties, but she was open to those conversations too（笑）. We didn’t just discuss it once—we talked things over many times. Each time, our relationship grew deeper（笑）. It brings back memories.
We don’t discuss the details of our arrangement anymore, but lately we sometimes have in-depth conversations about the news, work, and investing（笑）. That’s fun too（笑）.
I’m basically focused on looks, so I don’t have any complaints.
From there, things naturally continue with girls I click with and enjoy spending time with, and who I’m also physically compatible with. So I don’t feel dissatisfied along the way.
If there’s a difference of several decades in age, then in terms of working experience as adults, it’s the difference between a few years and several decades. That’s like comparing a kindergartener with a 30-year-old adult, so there’s really no way I could be dissatisfied with their behavior. Everything they do is full of expressive emotions and charm. Their freshness and vitality—things I don’t have myself—make me feel happy and energized.
Depending on the questioner’s age, they may have over twenty years of work experience, while the other person may only recently have turned 20 and started working. Even so, compared with a woman in her twenties, that’s more than twice the amount of work experience.
I’m a female member, Potassium.
I want people to point things out to me when I’m doing something wrong. I’m immature, so at first I might pout like (｡･ˇ_ˇ･｡) “hmph…”—but if you give me a day, I’m generally the type to let it sink in. So even if it means saying goodbye, I’d still want you to tell me. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.
(As long as it doesn’t go against my principles.)
I want us to talk about all kinds of things, make discoveries and share experiences together. Even though I don’t have as much money as a papa, I’d like to offer valuable time that can only be spent with me. I want to have an enjoyable relationship where you can tell me when something isn’t okay, and even when there are things neither of us can compromise on, we talk things through together and find a middle ground.
That said, everyone is different, so I honestly have no idea how the person asking this question should approach their partner.
That’s just my personal opinion.
It probably depends on what the complaint is about, but if there’s something I can improve, I’d want them to tell me.
The way they bring it up matters too. I wouldn’t like it if they just vented all their frustrations at me, but if they’re telling me because they want us to keep seeing each other, then I’d want to hear them out.
Why should it matter what other people do?
Since you’re over 40, why not try thinking for yourself?
Personally, depending on the subject, I may or may not say something. I don’t comment on things like someone’s preferences or way of thinking—things I’d consider presumptuous for a partner to try to change.
