The date was scheduled for 6:00 p.m.
I left home a little early, at 4:30 p.m., and let them know I was on my way to the club. But around 5:00 p.m., I received a reply asking if we could change the time to 8:00 p.m.
I didn’t ask why they wanted to change the time. I was already on the train, though, and felt a little annoyed by the last-minute change, so I declined, saying that it would be difficult for me.
The meeting place was also a little far away, and if we took our time, I would have missed the last train, which was another concern.
Later, I started wondering if, since I had received an offer, I should have made the effort to meet at 8:00 p.m. anyway, even if it was somewhat inconvenient for me.
I’d like to hear what the women here think, so I decided to ask.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂40s👑Universe female member
It’s not good to make yourself seem too available, so I think you were right not to accept the time change.
That said:
> I was already on the train, and the last-minute change annoyed me a little.
> I told them it would be difficult to change the time and turned it down.
This comes across as immature, since you weren’t able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, understand the situation, and control your emotions. For the sake of your future, I think you should learn how to manage your anger.
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It’s not good to make yourself seem too available, so I think you were right not to accept the time change.
That said:
> I was already on the train, and I got a little annoyed by the last-minute change.
> I declined, saying, “It’ll be difficult to change the time...”
This gives the impression of being immature—you weren’t able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, understand their situation, and control your emotions. For your own future, I think it would be a good idea to learn how to manage your anger.
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I’d tell him:
- 8 p.m. is fine, but I have to catch the last train, so I need to leave by [time].
- If that doesn’t work, I’d at least like my transportation costs covered.
Then I’d head out for the date.
If he won’t agree to either condition, I wouldn’t meet him.
If a man changes the schedule for his own convenience after the woman is already on her way and won’t even cover her transportation costs, he’s probably stingy. Meeting him wouldn’t have been worth it anyway.
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He was probably not a good match, so I think it would have been fine to turn him down. But since you went all the way there, I do feel you should at least have received your transportation costs before heading home.
Maybe that club doesn’t have a rule about it, though.
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It was supposed to start at 8 p.m., right? The man was probably fully intending to go to a hotel.
Did the dating club ask why you were going to be late?
It depends on the reason, but I think a smart man would make sure not to schedule anything else on the first day. Even if you started seeing him, he might keep asking to change plans.
Make your current club your second choice and come to Universe Club instead!
I was registered with another club too, but Universe was the one I felt most comfortable with.
I look forward to meeting you for your interview.
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I’d assume the man may have his own circumstances, and let him know what time I need to leave by. If he’s okay with that, I’d go ahead and meet him at least once. That would give me a chance to see what kind of person he is—why he was late and how he treats me—and I can understand being delayed since I might be late because of work myself. I feel it would be fine to decide whether to turn him down afterward.
That said, I’m sure you have your own schedule and circumstances, so you don’t have to force yourself. If it’s still bothering you, you could contact the club and say, “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to accommodate your kind invitation. If another date works for you, could you let me know your availability?”
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It may be work that you absolutely can’t get out of.
I think it would have been better to explain your situation carefully and ask to reschedule for another day.
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Another dating club? In that case, you’d probably be better off leaving that club and registering with Universe.
But setting that aside—
If the meeting place is far away, meeting at 8 p.m. could mean you miss the last train home. So perhaps you could ask the man, “The time we have to wrap things up would be earlier than planned—is that okay?”
If he was fine with that, I feel meeting for about two hours would have been reasonable. That said, I imagine many men wouldn’t agree. So if it was going to end in a cancellation after all that back-and-forth anyway, simply saying, “That’s difficult for me,” might have had the same result.
I’m not sure how this would affect your rating at another club, but at Universe, since the man was the one who tried to push the meeting back by two hours, it wouldn’t lower the woman’s rating.
The man might even suggest another day, since it was his two-hour delay that caused the problem.
Are there really so few men at other dating clubs who would go that far?
If so, I do get the impression that the men at Universe tend to be more gentlemanly.
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Being late on the first day is completely unacceptable—especially for a man.
You did the right thing by turning him down. If you’d met him, it could have been even worse. And if you’d exchanged contact information, it might have turned into a nightmare of endless messages.
This happened to me once on a date arranged through a club. The woman contacted me to say she’d be late, but I still went to meet her… (I’m a guy, after all—you end up going, right?) It turned into one nightmare after another. Even though that was our only meeting, she kept sending me messages forever, and absolutely nothing good came of it. Her profile was full of lies, too.
I reported her to the club, and her profile was rewritten almost immediately. I think she left the club soon afterward. Whenever I felt that reporting someone might prevent other men from becoming victims, I would notify the club. In those cases, the woman’s profile seemed to be changed within a few minutes.
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I’d suggest one of these, personally:
- Reschedule and say, “I’ll give you an extra 2 as an inconvenience fee next time.”
- Or, “I’ll give you an extra 2—would you mind waiting until 8 p.m.?”
Though, to be honest, I’ve never actually rescheduled before.
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You were right to turn down someone who unilaterally changes things without even giving a reason.
If they needed to reschedule, they should have told you upfront, “I’ll be back in two hours.”
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I’m not a woman, but…
If you’re not short on offers, I think you’d be better off declining.
There’s a fairly good chance he’s not a decent guy.
Also, if you’re willing to accept the change in time, I’d recommend hearing his reason first and then deciding.
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