Do you really need to act tsundere or like a tease to keep a man hooked? My papa said that when the other person is the one pursuing you, they become more invested and are less likely to cheat.
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This is turning into a relationship question, but right now I have a boyfriend I absolutely adore. He checks every box: tall, highly educated, and well-off. Even though he graduated from the University of Tokyo, he isn’t pretentious at all—he’s kind, sincere, and I love him so much. He spends all his free time outside of work with me. He’s five years older than me, but around me he’s like a boy.
I’ve met countless men through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and part-time jobs, but I’ve never met anyone I thought was as wonderful as him. In my past relationships, I never really liked the men that much and felt like there were plenty of replacements, so I tended to act a little cold and occasionally show a softer side. All of them ended up becoming dependent on me. But now I’m the one who feels dependent on him. He’s very serious, so I know that when he doesn’t reply, he’s working. He can’t drink, and he isn’t socially skilled enough to entertain other girls, so I know he doesn’t go out and play around. That’s why I’m not jealous. However, given his qualities, it’s easy to imagine women approaching him in the future. He actually has a handsome face when you look closely, and he’s a diamond in the rough—once he improves his style, with his education and height, he’ll probably be insanely popular. He went to an all-boys’ school and says he had almost no experience around girls at the University of Tokyo either, so once he realizes how popular he is, I feel like he might start playing around. The main reason he chose me is probably because I’m cute and have a large chest.
If I were the one being pursued, I don’t think he would leave me. But right now I’m the one who’s completely in love with him, and I have no idea how to make him become dependent on me.
My relationships with my papas are basically detached, with no romantic feelings involved at all. We do have sex, but I treat them like real-life papas. So I end things with any papa who isn’t comfortable with that.
I can easily act like a tease with someone I’ve settled for, but in front of someone I truly love, I’m all soft and affectionate. And with men I respect as people, like my papas, the relationship is detached, so I don’t know how to keep a man hooked.
What should I do to keep someone I’m already deeply invested in interested in me long-term?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
I’m not entirely sure, but wouldn’t it be better to move things toward marriage before he loses interest…? If your profiles are mismatched, as Marika says, there’s a good chance your parents will object, so you should also make an effort to improve yourself as a person.
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The important question is whether he genuinely likes you—or if you’re just friends with benefits.
If he truly has feelings for you, I think you should get married soon.
You’re satisfied with your boyfriend’s qualities, but from his perspective, I don’t think he finds your own qualities particularly appealing.
Even so, if you genuinely like each other, it may be best to get married while neither of you is focusing too much on those things.
If you’re thinking about trying to act tsundere or play the little temptress, I don’t think those kinds of superficial tactics will be enough.
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To borrow your own words, it sounds like you’re considerably mismatched in terms of overall “specs,” wouldn’t you say? Since you seem to be attractive, there must be other factors at play.
If that’s the case, then it’s quite possible he isn’t seriously considering marriage. It also depends on whether he got into the University of Tokyo because he’s exceptionally smart, or because he comes from a wealthy family and that’s simply the kind of environment he was raised in. If your “specs” don’t match, there’s a good chance his mother would oppose the relationship.
This isn’t a matter of him being tsundere or anything like that.
Marika
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If he graduated from the University of Tokyo, there’s a good chance he was already popular and dating around back when he was a student there.
If he’s pretending to be innocent while making sure he doesn’t look like he gets around, then he must be quite the guy. He’s probably already had plenty of women come onto him.
If he isn’t into the “little devil” or tsundere type, putting on that act won’t accomplish anything. So if you really want to win him over, research him thoroughly and become his ideal woman.
Why not quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), get married, and then start it up again afterward?
Then again, he might simply go along with a match arranged by his parents or an introduction from his boss. Do your research and give it your best shot.
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As Kazu said, I think you’re also attracted to his impressive credentials.
Does the person asking this question have an educational background that matches his?
Even beauty gets old after three days, and if someone tries all sorts of things to win you over, it can quickly become a nuisance and lead to goodbye.
I think being your genuine self is what matters most…
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It’s disappointing that even in this day and age, some women still care about the “three highs”—high income, high education, and being tall.
If he likes you simply because you’re cute and have a big chest, then, as another respondent said, you’d better hurry.
Men get tired of beautiful women pretty quickly.
They’ll soon start hunting for their next target, lol.
But even if you do manage to marry him, he seems like the type who’d cheat on you as soon as your looks started to fade...
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You don’t actually like him—you’re just attracted to his profile.
What you really like is the fact that he has such an impressive profile, and you’re wondering what’s wrong with you…
You should look for someone you actually like more…
I can only assume you have an inferiority complex about his profile… It’s boring. A person’s appeal isn’t found in things like that…
Some high-whatever… Who cares about that stuff?
Wake up!
You’re way too hung up on it…
Besides, you have no idea what kind of dates he’s going on while you’re meeting your papa. He probably didn’t have to study as much as other people when he was in high school, either… So he’s probably always had more free time to have fun than other people. And his parents probably never scolded or pressured him to study, so he had plenty of free time.
So behind the scenes, he may already be a playboy.
Since the other person can only imagine the opposite on their own, there’s no chance of him finding out.
That’s not entirely impossible, either.
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I genuinely think the quickest way is somehow to have unprotected sex, get pregnant, and then get married.
As you suspect, if you don’t lock him down quickly, that guy will be popular. It’s either you get him or someone else does.
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I recommend finding another guy.
That way, you can keep your mental balance and avoid getting overly lovestruck.
I’m also on the verge of becoming unusually obsessed with one woman, so I’m basically an online stalker now lol.
The reason it’s only online is that I’m surrounded by so many amazing women, starting with my ace.
A cute face and a big chest are practically unbeatable, so it might be best to sweep her off her feet with sex while you can and then have a shotgun wedding.
Please add this mysterious comment to your profile:
“I don’t care about winning or losing.”
I’ll find you through a search and make you an offer lol.
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It really depends on the person. So if you’re asking whether it’s necessary, I’d say no.
Personally, I wouldn’t want to date someone difficult to deal with, like a tsundere or a little devil type.
I only read the first line before answering.
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