I’m worried about preventing STIs.

Others have answered this as well, but since you’re seeing multiple partners—even if it’s only a few—there’s no such thing as a risk-free relationship. One fairly reliable precaution is to get tested for all STIs about a month before having sex with your wife. And needless to say, to avoid catching anything, you should never have sex without a condom. I don’t even receive oral sex. Some people casually assume that any infection can be cured with antibiotics, but I think they should also consider the possibility of developing an allergy to antibiotics. Of course, you won’t know what it’s like until you actually get sick, so I suppose there’s no point in saying any of this… Those are the people who insist on going without protection because they think they’ll be fine.

The decisive difference between you and “Early” is that I’m in a sexless marriage with my wife. So I’m not as cautious about the risk of STIs in these relationships. Sorry I couldn’t offer any advice.

Ask the woman you’re seeing to get tested regularly as well, and try for both of you to avoid seeing multiple partners whenever possible. However, outright banning multiple partners can make it harder to be honest if there’s a risk of infection, so if either of you is seeing others, agree to report it to each other. Using condoms is a given. From your wife’s perspective, which would seem less bad: having a woman you see regularly, or going to a sex service? Think about what you’d say and how you’d respond if the worst happened. If, after considering everything, it seems too difficult, then please remain faithful to your wife until the two of you are no longer in a sexless marriage. Marika

My thinking is that no matter how many precautions you take, sometimes things still happen. So I make sure in advance to find a hospital that can provide immediate testing, immediate results, prompt treatment, and medication right away. Ideally, one that’s open at night and on weekends. Early detection is key. If I notice anything unusual, I don’t see any partner—I go straight to the hospital. I also wash thoroughly with soap after sex, and keep mouthwash on hand so I can disinfect my mouth right away. You won’t die from anything except AIDS, and with early treatment, most things can be cured with medication. If I do catch something, I’m prepared to deal with it immediately. I don’t think it would be much fun to rule out kissing and oral sex entirely, so I’m willing to accept those risks. If the person asking the question really can’t take any risks, then, as Himawari said, the only option may be to stick with one papa-katsu partner—and pay her a proper allowance in return—and have her refrain from having sex with other partners. And even after going that far, your wife could still bring something home, haha. You never know.

You’ve clearly done your research and decided how you want to move forward, which I think is very gentlemanly of you in the context of a dating club. However, if you’re still intimate with your wife at all, does that mean you simply had a moment of weakness? (＞＜) You don’t want to pass anything on to her. If that feeling is important to you, do you think you still can’t devote yourself exclusively to your wife? I remember feeling really sad when someone I thought I might like told me that cold sores appeared whenever they weren’t feeling well, and they had one at the time. (tears) As everyone has said, I think it’s difficult to take measures that guarantee you won’t catch any illness 100% of the time. Even if the woman was really good at oral, I sometimes find myself thinking, “If it’s protected, I’d rather be with my wife…” Would the solution be to have an exclusive arrangement through a dating club with just one partner each, get tested every month, take birth control pills, and make sure your communication doesn’t get discovered—perhaps with a monthly allowance?

You’ve clearly studied a lot about preventing sexually transmitted infections. Good for you. You should look for a woman who can reliably meet the precautions you’ve considered, make sure she agrees to them, and then start seeing each other. That said, I’m not sure all of that is necessarily enough（笑） For example: - Even if you both take a partner checkup once a month, it isn’t completely foolproof because of incubation periods. - Rather than simply not having sex with your wife for the time being, why not never have sex with her again?（笑） As for possible solutions to your concerns: - If it’s realistically difficult to keep refusing sex with your wife, perhaps you could wait until she has “graduated.” - If you’re wondering how things would progress because you’ve never dated without kissing due to concerns about illness, just wear masks both top and bottom and you’ll be fine!（笑） I don’t think sexually transmitted infections are all that common to begin with, but they do exist. That’s why I recommend seeing just one woman. I’m not talking about some pseudo-romantic arrangement or anything like that. With a dating club, you need to exercise a little patience, but once the relationship begins, don’t get involved with any other women until it ends. That should greatly reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections. In fact, I’ve been seeing one woman for four years now, and everything has been clean. You do need to be careful when choosing a woman, but select someone reliable and enjoy a mutually beneficial relationship.

I’m prepared to take responsibility if anything happens. That said, there’s not much I can do besides take financial responsibility, so I consider that the bare minimum. With that in mind, I’m doing what I can. Of course, I use condoms and get tested, but I don’t enter into adult relationships (intimate) indiscriminately. I’m also seeing multiple people myself, and while I tell my partners that I’m fine with them seeing multiple people too, as far as I know, the girls I’m currently seeing in an adult relationship probably don’t have boyfriends or other papas. I have two partners I’m intimate with and one who’s dinner only (no intimacy). I’m intimate with my wife about once a week, and I kiss the girls I’m seeing intimately as well. Maybe I’m just being deceived, but even among attractive girls who receive a fair number of offers, some aren’t seeing multiple people. In fact, I think many of them would prefer not to, if their terms (of the arrangement) allowed them to avoid it. I suppose it all depends on the terms. For what it’s worth, I’ve been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for about three years and have never caught an infection.

If you’re already worried about STIs, you should stop cheating. The penicillin Mr. Maezawa mentioned would require a month of medication to treat once you’re infected. What if it were AIDS? There’s a possibility a cure could be developed in 20 years, but… at this point, we’re all engaging in a suicidal act. You may be drawn to beautiful, popular women, but your chances of contracting an STI are significantly higher, so it’s better to avoid them. This applies to both dating clubs and apps, as well as people working in the sex industry or nightlife. Their STI rates are also high, so it’s best to stay away. If you do make an offer, ask the staff how many offers that woman has received.

> I’ve been with my wife exclusively for nearly ten years since I was 22, and I’ve never even been to a hostess club or anything like that. If you’re satisfied with that situation, then unless some special circumstance arises or things change, there’s really no need for you to join. So I assume something has changed in your life… I’ve never caught an STD from any of the women I’ve met through the club. What I’m careful about is avoiding women who are in adult relationships with multiple papas whenever possible. Since I want to avoid women who are overly accustomed to club dating, I judge that from how they move toward an adult relationship and from our conversations. Not bringing up the allowance is one such indicator of whether she’s used to the club scene. Also, if a woman is being flooded with offers, I won’t be the one to invite her into an adult relationship. Instead, I judge whether she seems trustworthy based on how she approaches things. Ideally… In your case, you can probably get a rough idea of whether that popular woman is seeing multiple men by how much you talk about each other’s private lives and everyday routines. If she’s seeing several people, she probably keeps the conversation vague so she doesn’t lose track of who she told what to, and she’d also need to coordinate her schedule accordingly. P.S. But joining a club out of the blue at your age… Club dating is basically a fixed game. I can’t help thinking you should enjoy the natural world—or rather, the ordinary world—a little more. Unless there’s some truly special reason, a club isn’t really something you need to join. And if you’ve managed to stay devoted to your wife, that’s honestly much better. P.P.S. And Mr. Loser, thanks for the detailed explanation. > No one would be foolish enough to offer a pay-per-meeting allowance of five to Gakki or Satomi Ishihara before they were married, right? Ah, but maybe I’m so dumb that I actually would make an offer of five per meeting? No, no—I’m not that stupid. Or so I’d like to think. But that’s exactly the kind of fool I am. I would offer Gakki or Satomi Ishihara five per meeting before she got married. No, actually, I’m even more foolishly overconfident than Mr. Loser thinks. I’d think, “Offering an allowance would be rude, so I’ll compete with no allowance. Maybe she’ll date me—and who knows, she might even marry me…” Anyway, I can’t help thinking that you should still experience the vast world outside the clubs to the fullest. The possibilities are endless… Whether it’s your wife, the club, or the world outside the club, having that one special person—someone no less extraordinary than Satomi Ishihara—is a wonderful thing. Being satisfied with that one special person… Since people pursue multiple relationships because one person isn’t enough to satisfy them, I think it’s also important for you and your favorite woman to become completely devoted to each other and feel fulfilled with just one another. That way, you can feel secure, including when it comes to STDs.

> If you were to pass an STD on to your wife, it wouldn’t just be unfortunate—it could cause serious problems. I think you should stop using dating clubs. No matter how careful you are, I don’t think it’s possible to prevent the risk completely. That said, using condoms does lower the risk, and carefully checking your partner’s intimate area may also reveal some signs. But in the end, it comes down to luck. Even if you take every possible precaution, you can still get infected, while some people may do nothing and never get sick. Apparently, some people take antibiotics regularly, which might help with illnesses caused by bacteria, but that could also lead to problems with antibiotic-resistant bacteria.

Your only real option is probably to date multiple women who don’t have a boyfriend or any other papas—in other words, women who aren’t having adult relationships or even kissing anyone besides you. I was dealing with a similar concern myself, and that’s the conclusion I came to. Even with protection, you can’t eliminate the risk completely. Still, it’s endless. Some people may give you the boring advice to quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but men are the kind of creatures who can work hard in business because women are part of their lives, so let’s keep doing papa-katsu. I’m currently agonizing over whether to cut the number of my monthly arrangements in half. Five of the women I see have no other partner besides me and don’t have boyfriends either. Still, it’s impressive that you’re in your 30s and able to date multiple women. You must be exceptionally successful in business.

I’ve only been seeing women who are exclusive with me, so I’ve stayed safe even after more than three years. I’m an A/B type, though, and my specs are under 100. As you suspected, with the popular C type, it’s probably best to avoid using your mouth as much as possible. Also, keep the number of partners low, get to know them more deeply, and get tested frequently.