A few of the papas I’m seeing are married. Considering the risk of problems, like their wives finding out, would it be safer to avoid married men if possible?
Sometimes I go from a restaurant to a hotel with a married man, but I feel like it would all be over in an instant if a private investigator or lawyer looked into it.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Flag-san, SEKAI NO OWARI (lol)
The least risky option is not to date a married papa.
That said, plenty of married men offer good terms. In those cases, isn’t the best way to protect yourself to avoid asking unnecessary questions and simply choose not to know they’re married?
Even an unmarried man can be scary if he has a desperate girlfriend, though.
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There is a risk of being sued for compensation, so if you want to avoid that, steering clear of married men is one option.
That said, it does significantly narrow your choices, and based on what the girls I’ve dated have told me, I also get the impression that a fair number of unmarried men can be risky in other ways. So I think it really comes down to what you prioritize.
Also, even though age-gap relationships have become more common in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I imagine many girls still wouldn’t want to be seen by friends or acquaintances, even if their papa (a male supporter) is unmarried. The best supporters are considerate of that as well.
In any case, it’s better to choose someone who will minimize the risks as much as possible.
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Basically, if you’re not sure what to do, the safest approach is to avoid dating married men.
If you do get involved with a married man, take a good look at who he is before pursuing anything. The woman I’m seeing has said from the beginning that older married men feel safer and more reassuring to her.
With younger men, you may be harassed persistently. Even if the allowance is decent, there’s also the worry about what might happen if his wife finds out. Older men may not be as attractive, but you generally don’t have to worry as much about things like whether they’ll divorce, stay together, or end up in court. She said that, as papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—a transactional relationship—they’re a better choice.
She also said that single men and younger married men can actually be more dangerous.
In any case, whether someone is married or single, make sure you get to know them well before pursuing anything.
The basic principles are:
Can you both enjoy the relationship without putting yourselves under pressure?
Do you both benefit from it?
Don’t ever forget that.
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Married means high risk, unmarried means low risk.
Apparently, people have a tendency to categorize everything.
There are married men who are decent,
and unmarried men who aren’t.
In other words, it’s not that simple.
It’s something far more vague, delicate, and unclear.
Some lyrics from SEKAI NO OWARI’s new song slipped in there, but this is actually a fairly serious answer. I think people are much more complex and ambiguous than any classification can capture.
You can’t explain people through categories.
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I always take separate taxis when moving from dinner to a hotel—it’s just common sense. We also leave the hotel separately. We’re not a couple, so walking around town together is out of the question.
That said, I’m single, so there’s no way I’d get caught or anything. It’s just risk management in case the other person happens to be married. When I’ve had trouble with married women, I made them keep quiet with a stack of cash.
What I’m most afraid of, though, is pregnancy. I currently have three regular girls who want to do it without protection and finish inside. They supposedly take the pill, but still... m(｡>__<｡)m
STIs are probably the next thing I’m worried about.
I happened to meet a lawyer sunbathing in a park and asked about the going rate for compensation. Apparently:
- If they get divorced: ¥2–3 million
- If they don’t: up to ¥500,000
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If it concerns you, it’s probably safest to avoid the situation.
However, if you genuinely didn’t know the other person was married, you generally won’t be held legally liable. That said, proving you didn’t know can be difficult.
Even so, when you first start seeing each other, you could keep a record of an exchange like:
“Are you single?”
“Yes, I’m single.”
“Are you absolutely sure?”
“Yes, without a doubt.”
That may reduce the chances of being sued.
You could also take precautions such as using a regular city hotel instead of a love hotel. With a love hotel, most people assume that intimacy took place simply because you entered one, whereas with a city hotel, they can’t necessarily make that assumption.
There’s also the option of continuing the relationship while taking precautions like these.
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Joe isn’t really in a position to say this, but there are risks. Depending on the circumstances, they may not be insignificant.
Until now, Joe has irresponsibly admitted right away that he was married, but perhaps, as a matter of etiquette, married male members should be more vague about it.
There’s someone who was introduced through Universe and then got married afterward. Since it was also what she wanted—her comment, “Now we’re finally on equal footing,” really stuck with me—we continued seeing each other as before. But we parted ways after about six months. I don’t know the whole truth, but she said it was because she “couldn’t stand her husband’s suspicious looks.”
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I think there are risks involved. That’s probably why many married men choose an exclusive dating club in the first place. The allowance is partly meant to account for those risks.
As for the person who asked the question below, she’s a woman, so she isn’t the one paying the allowance...
From a man’s perspective, I’d think, “I’m paying an allowance, and I still have to take on that risk?” The married women who are worth meeting despite those risks must be exceptionally attractive.
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If you ask whether it’s safer to avoid it if possible, then yes. After all, there are risks involved.
However, if you want to reduce the risks of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to zero, the best way to do that is not to do papa-katsu at all.
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