I received ¥5,000 for transportation at our first meeting, and we agreed on ¥50,000 for an adult relationship before going to a hotel. When he said he would put the allowance in the envelope from earlier and handed it to me, the ¥5,000 transportation fee had been deducted. Is that correct?

I’m “Paper Airplane,” and he didn’t even offer transportation money or state/discuss the allowance amount. The moment he said transportation costs would be ¥5,000, it was a deal-breaker. I only have ¥10,000 bills for transportation and the allowance.

I’m sure there are various opinions on this. If things are going to progress to an adult relationship (intimate) from the first meeting, I usually discuss an amount that includes the transportation fee stipulated by the club. However, with the woman I went on a date with the other day, I didn’t think things would develop any further, so I gave her 1 for transportation after dinner, intending to part ways there. But after we left the restaurant, she asked me what I wanted to do next. So I gave her 5 in addition to the transportation fee, and we spent the night together. She had an outstanding figure and worked in a popular profession, so I was quite satisfied either way. lol

So people really do ask for a ¥5,000 transportation fee… If a men’s esthetic salon told me it was ¥35,000, I’d just pay ¥40,000 and tell them to keep the change. Rounding up by ¥5,000 is pretty standard. And deducting ¥5,000 from ¥50,000 for an adult relationship? That’s the bravest of the brave.

The moment you felt something was off, I think it was probably not right. At the club, the rules state that the man gives the woman a token of appreciation called transportation money—¥5,000 to ¥10,000—when they go out for a meal. That is the club’s rule regarding money. If the relationship later develops into an adult relationship (intimate), the two of you are supposed to discuss and decide the terms yourselves, since it’s considered free dating. In other words, if the man told you during your discussion that the allowance would be ¥50,000, it’s only natural to assume that you would receive ¥50,000 in addition to the ¥5,000–¥10,000 token of appreciation. If he intended the ¥50,000 to include the club’s payment, he should have made that clear to you. Since he didn’t, most people—including me—would naturally assume that the ¥50,000 allowance was separate from the club’s payment. If he had said ¥45,000, you might not have agreed in the first place. (I mean, you might have thought, “Why the odd ¥45,000? What a cheap guy.”) So, if you found yourself wondering, “Is this really right?” then his behavior probably wasn’t right. I think he is either a man who deceives women or simply a stingy man. That kind of cheap behavior will probably show up in your future interactions as well, so I recommend being very careful if you continue seeing him. Ideally, I think you should stop seeing him altogether. That said, even with such a strange man, it may be worth keeping him as a backup for now. If someone better comes along, end things with him immediately. You can’t recover the money this time, but keep in mind that he is the kind of man whose words you should always question so you don’t get deceived again.

Hmmmm! This is really difficult to answer! (>_<) I think it depends on the man. I’ve heard that some give 0.5–1 as an allowance for the first meeting, but that varies from person to person too. (>_<)

As Kazu said, I don’t think there’s any one “right” answer here. As long as you paid the transportation costs as agreed, the facts are that the allowance this time was ¥45,000—and that, unfortunately, you got stuck with a stingy older guy. I don’t think there’s much more to it. As an aside, I once met someone through an app whose terms were 10,000 yen for a first meeting and 15,000 yen for dinner. When our first meeting was over lunch, I gave her 10,000 yen. She first messaged me saying, “The allowance for an adult relationship (intimate) is also generous (well-paying), so I’d definitely like to see you again,” but then followed up with, “Wasn’t it 15,000 yen since it was a meal?” I sent her the difference via LINE Pay, then messaged her to say goodbye, blocked her, and ended things. It may be a slightly different situation, but if you still want to continue the relationship even after taking the deducted transportation costs into account, I think it’s best to let this one go.

I don’t think there’s any one “right” way to do it. Personally, I see them as separate things, so I treat transportation costs as transportation costs and the allowance as the allowance. Also, whenever we discuss the allowance, I make it clear that the transportation costs are only being covered for that day.