About the papa in his 40s I had dinner with yesterday.
It was our fourth date.
Our usual flow is dinner → hotel.
Last time, he left the table during dinner to go smoke.
Yesterday, we had Italian food. After the third course was cleared, he put on a mask while talking to me and took out a cigarette, as if he was about to go smoke. But he didn’t actually leave for quite a while, and the fourth course ended up arriving.
Even after the fourth course, he took out a cigarette again and looked like he was going to go smoke. But then he started talking while looking at me, and in the end, he didn’t go.
He didn’t smoke even once that day.
Should I have said, “You can go smoke if you want”?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
I don’t like the smell of cigarettes, so I deliberately don’t say, “Go ahead and step out for a smoke.”
If he asks, “Would it be okay if I went out for a cigarette?” I’ll smile and say, “Sure.”
After reading Taro’s answer, I realized I sometimes say, “Sorry for keeping you—I was having such a nice time talking with you.” I’d been saying it unconsciously, but apparently it was effective!
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Personally, I’m not a big fan of the smell of cigarettes, so I’d probably be glad they didn’t go out for a smoke!
That said, if they seemed like they really wanted to smoke, I might ask, “Are you sure you don’t want to go?”
They must have been having such a great time with you that they couldn’t bear to leave! I think that’s a good sign!
And Taro-san, I learned a lot from your answer!!
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Exactly. In a sense, you missed a real opportunity.
I think that papa (a male supporter) wanted to smoke. But he was enjoying talking with you so much that he couldn’t bring himself to go out for a cigarette. And the fact that that inner conflict showed through without being covered up means he was letting his guard down and exposing his true self to you. That was the perfect opportunity.
What you should have said wasn’t, “You can go smoke if you want.” That’s way too sadistic and would narrow your customer base. You could have said, “Didn’t you want to go have a cigarette? Sorry for keeping you here. It’s just that I was having such a good time.” That’s the truth, isn’t it? Hearing that would make him realize the situation he was in. He’d realize that he had fallen for you. If you leave things alone, he may never notice and it’ll just end there. I think the technique is to help him recognize the facts through conversation.
I think it’s important to know how to capitalize on a winning opportunity. A lot of women complain that they can’t find a sucker customer, but often they simply fail to make the most of situations they could have won. Being able to seize an opportunity is important—and no one gets hurt by it. It’s a perfectly win-win situation. I sometimes talk about hostess techniques, but if the other person is already interested, you don’t even need those.
Women should first keep this in mind: when a pitch comes right down the middle, make sure you hit it back. (The same goes for men.)
—Taro
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
You must have been enjoying your conversation with the questioner so much that you didn’t even want to step away for a cigarette. That’s a really good sign!
If you’re concerned, when you notice him hesitating, you could say, “Feel free to go have a cigarette,” or, to put him at ease, excuse yourself to use the restroom.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
No need to worry.
If you want to enjoy papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), both men and women should quit smoking.
As a woman—and men can feel this way too—you may hesitate to say anything out of consideration for the other person, and end up having to put up with the smoke.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I smoke too, but I wanted to talk with you more than I wanted to smoke.
These days, smokers are treated like society’s villains. It was probably better that you didn’t smoke.
If I really wanted to smoke, I could always step out for one, though（笑).
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
