After the first meeting, my dates are cut short after as little as an hour and no more than three hours. Some start fidgeting, some head toward the station as the time passes, and others tell me directly—each person handles it differently.
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I feel depressed and start wondering, “Do you really keep things that transactional, even after I offered to raise the dinner-only allowance from 10,000–15,000 yen to 20,000 yen?” In frustration, I told them, “If you don’t want to see me that badly, why not just skip the date and have me transfer the allowance?” Two of them readily replied that I should go ahead and do that.
For the record, I don’t even hold hands or make physical contact. I’m often told that I’m a clean-cut, funny older guy—by women I’m dating and by others as well. I’m married and in my late 40s, but people say I look six or seven years younger. I’m not bald either, though I am short.
What am I doing wrong? I’m starting to think I should just quit.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂Not stated👑Universe male member
> I’m often told that I’m a clean-cut, funny older guy. Women I’m not dating say the same thing too.
Maybe you’re funny, but not actually enjoyable to be around?
If someone is having a good time with you, I don’t think they’d be eager to leave right away.
That said, there are a few things in your question that seem a little odd.
> They cut things short after as little as an hour, or three hours at most.
You’re talking about dinner only, right?
If it’s just dinner, I think most people would naturally be ready to wrap things up after about an hour.
Three hours?
I imagine some women would find three hours over dinner alone rather long.
For dinner only, one to two hours seems like the normal expectation.
If you want to spend more time together, you could say something like this before the date:
“I’d like to visit these places together. I’m thinking it’ll take about four hours in total. Would an allowance of 20,000 yen be okay?”
Also, on dating apps, many women say that dinner only is 10,000 yen per hour, so some may not be satisfied with 40,000 yen for four hours.
I think it would be better to wrap things up normally after two hours.
If you want to talk more, increasing the number of meetings might be a better approach.
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You’re in your late 40s, right? If there’s a significant age gap between you and your partner, you’re basically a grandpa to her.
But it sounds like you’ve been offering to some pretty awful women. Are you only focused on looks?
Forget about them and try reaching out to women with average looks who are closer to your age.
You might find that your world opens up.
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To be honest, unless you’re seeing each other almost every day, I don’t think you can truly become close over dinner alone without intimacy.
Even if things feel a little formal when it’s just dinner, once you’ve been intimate, you can joke around, talk about risqué topics, and become more relaxed with each other.
I think intimacy is the express route to having an honest, open conversation with a woman.
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As Aya said, once you’re over 30, you’re an “older guy.” I’m in my 30s too, and that’s the premise I work with.
Even if you’re relatively young, you’re still seen as an older guy, and there are plenty of men who can’t compete overall, so I try to be creative and put in the effort.
Looking like you’re in your early 40s isn’t much of an advantage, in my opinion. There are plenty of older men who are stylish, well-groomed, funny, and so on.
If you’ve met several people and are still in that situation, I can’t help thinking there’s probably quite a bit of room for improvement.
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I agree with Fuu.
Especially if you’re only going on dinner dates, wouldn’t it have to be a fun relationship where you’re enjoying yourselves so much that you still want to keep talking? Otherwise, it’s just not worth it.
Given how things are now, it really seems like you’d be better off ending it.
Marika
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With Fuu, I’d end things with any woman who blatantly tries to cut the time short. I’ve never done dinner-only dates, so I can’t think of any way to improve the situation for Fuu.
Why not try papa-katsu with an adult relationship (intimate) instead?
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Ugh… can things really be that harsh?
Maybe she’s a teenager with a strong transactional vibe, or a college student. To girls that young, any man over 30 is an old guy. Someone in their late 40s is probably from the same generation as their father.
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