For my age, I’ve met quite a lot of people—both men and women, and many of them considerably older than me—so I feel like I’ve developed a decent eye for people, or at least a good instinct when meeting someone for the first time (though I do misread people occasionally). So when I feel someone is trustworthy, I tend to open up to them to a certain extent from the very beginning.
By “opening up,” I don’t mean sharing personal information necessarily. I also share my thoughts and feelings. As the relationship progresses, I open up more.
It’s not that I expect the other person to give me the same in return, but they often share just as much—or even more—about themselves. They tell me these things without me even asking. (There’s also plenty I’d rather not know, haha.)
The girls I’m seeing usually tell me their real names the first time we meet, and as the relationship develops, they may also tell me about their family, where they live, where they work, and so on.
Even through work, I occasionally end up being introduced to both someone’s legal wife and their mistress separately. (I don’t particularly want to know, and I’m not sure what the purpose is.)
Lately, whenever I feel a bit of a wall between me and someone, I feel like I may be the one putting it up. I’m wondering whether I need to be more careful about that, or whether it’s fine simply not to pursue relationships with people like that.
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I think you’ll start to understand this better as you meet more women.
In the end, it depends on each woman’s personality, so I’d suggest looking for someone who doesn’t make you feel that distance.
Since there’s an age gap to begin with, it’s only natural for a barrier to exist. You should expect that it may take a long time to break it down.
That said, some women genuinely like older men from the start, or truly don’t care about the age difference.
Once you meet someone like that, I think you’ll understand the difference.
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I understand how you feel.
But are you really telling them everything about yourself?
I’m deliberately vague about my occupation.
Since I’m hiding part of myself at that point, I suppose it’s only natural that they can’t trust me completely.
Still, as contradictory as it may sound, I recently said goodbye to a woman who didn’t want to reveal her real name.
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Try saying it. Maybe you haven’t done it because you think they won’t trust you—could that be why?
Say you’ll do it, then follow through. People will naturally trust you.
Things get weird when you expect something in return. Do it because you want to. Do it because you said you would. Even if no one gives you credit, once you decide to do something, do it.
As a practical tip, start by saying you’ll do small things that you’re capable of, and then actually do them. Build on that, and eventually people may trust you to do even bigger things just because you say you will—even if you haven’t done them yet.
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Here’s a hint: Instead of asking someone who’s good at English, try asking a native English speaker: “In the English-speaking world, is お金 ‘money’ or ‘credit’?”
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Some people are naturally trusting, while others don’t trust anyone in the first place. If you meet someone from the former group, they’ll probably trust you naturally.
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I think the only thing you can do is build a track record that earns their trust.
That said, some women have a policy of never trusting the men they date, so I think there are limits. Even with women like that, though, spending time in a long-term relationship may eventually help them open up to you.
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Since this is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), trusting someone too much could come back to bite you.
I think it’s best to take your bag with you when you go to the bathroom or elsewhere. From what I’ve seen in the Q&A posts, apparently some people have even found the envelope empty.
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I’m the type of person who trusts people too easily, and people around me are always telling me I should be a little more skeptical. So I think it really depends on the person.
Especially since you meet people through places like this, some people are naturally going to have their guard up. Maybe it’s not about trust, but more about self-protection.
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