I’d also like to hear men’s perspectives on whether marriage can continue on feelings alone.

Question

I found both Mac’s and Kazu’s answers convincing. When you think about everything involved after a divorce, it’s not something you can do easily, is it? I’m married myself, but I understand... https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/12354 Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

I’d like to believe that relationships can continue because of genuine feelings. But I decided to get divorced when my ex-wife pointed a kitchen knife at me while I was caring for her through depression. As you can imagine, it was a pretty intense experience, haha. I can talk about it cheerfully now, but it must have been really hard back then. The stress even affected my gut… If that hadn’t happened, I think I’d still be married today and wouldn’t be doing this.

Answer 2

I’m not a man, but… Since I work in caregiving now, I suppose it would be whether I could keep changing that person’s diapers right until the very end. (*^^*) As for my answer to the earlier question about whether it’s affection or not, I once read in a psychology book that: “The money you’ve spent on someone, the time you’ve invested, the memories you’ve shared, and the turning points in your life—people become more attached the longer they’ve invested in these things.” Even after getting married, losing the spark, and becoming intimate less often, you still feel somehow comfortable together. If that’s what affection means, then I think my parents and all the married couples among my friends are probably staying together because of that affection. I’d say they have good relationships. (⁎ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈⁎)

Answer 3

I got married young, in my twenties, so I’ve already spent more time with my wife than with my parents. She’s family to me now. It’s less about affection and more like she’s become an extension of my own body. The romantic feelings disappeared a long time ago, but I suppose we continue as good partners and as a family.

Answer 4

After building four houses, I’ve come to realize that creating your ideal, comfortable home on the first or second try would be a miracle. Of course, since you built it the way you wanted, you’re bound to feel satisfied with it—but you’ll still think, “The next one should be even better…” The same applies, to some extent, to getting married once or twice. Unless it’s a miracle, I think a marriage can only continue through affection or compromise. Also, when it’s your first marriage, you only realize how to make it work after things have already started falling apart. By then, it’s too late—you can’t even prevent it.

Answer 5

When things went beyond what I could tolerate, I ended up getting divorced. My ex-wife was arrogant and constantly made self-centered comments. She also spent money on things that didn’t align with my values, including buying expensive furniture I had no interest in without consulting me. We divorced on the grounds of irreconcilable differences and divided our assets. I’ve been much more comfortable living my life ever since.

Answer 6

I think it’s because ending things is a hassle from a man’s perspective too. There are plenty of businesses that take advantage of that feeling—for example, two-year contracts, subscription services, and installment payments. Looking at it from a long-term perspective, it may be more beneficial to cancel when you start wanting to. But canceling is a hassle, and since the monthly cost isn’t excessive, people may find it difficult to motivate themselves to settle everything at once. Also, I believe divorce requires the other person’s consent or mediation. It’s not that the hassle comes “after” the divorce—the divorce process itself is a hassle from the outset. And costs aren’t limited to money; there’s also the effort involved. That’s why I like having a mistress relationship. P.S. I think the biggest motivation for both men and women to maintain a marriage is their children. That’s probably why so many couples get divorced later in life after their children become independent.

I’d also like to hear men’s perspectives on whether marriage can continue on feelings alone.

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I’d also like to hear men’s perspectives on whether marriage can continue on feelings alone.

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