The papas who say they want to get closer over dinner only suddenly stop contacting me.
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We talk about things like what we should do next time, so it doesn’t feel like they dislike me. But after a few exchanges following our second meeting, they stop reaching out.
I assume they’ve probably met another woman they like better, but wouldn’t they at least want to keep me as an option for the time being?
Do they usually decide I’m not worth pursuing before a third meeting?
If you’ve ever met someone twice and decided not to see her again, I’d like to know why.
In my case, there was a time when I had quite a few of those dinner-only arrangements.
Even among the Type A girls, I compared about five of them based on whether they were fun or boring to talk to.
Only one is still around. We go on dinner-only trips together quite often.
She used to be an idol and a maid, and she’s incredibly fun to talk to—she might even have a real talent for it.
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I think getting by with dinner only (no intimacy) is actually a pretty high bar.
Unless you’re someone’s favorite celebrity or have some truly exceptional appeal—something that can keep them satisfied just through conversation—it’s probably difficult to get them to keep meeting you.
If you’re an A-type, you may be wondering, “Why not? Isn’t dinner only (no intimacy) the norm?” But in a dating club, I think that’s actually quite difficult to achieve.
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The opinions have been pretty harsh, but men generally only make offers to women they find attractive enough to think, “I’d like to take her to a hotel.”
Even if it’s just dinner, men don’t want to pay unless they think, “She’s beautiful and interesting to talk to,” or “She’s a lovely person and fun to be around!”—or at least have some hope that things might eventually progress.
To avoid being dropped, it might help to bring up mildly risqué topics from the first meeting. For example, you could ask your papa about the bubble-era days and say, “Were there really hotels that luxurious back then? Wow… I’d love to visit one someday ♡”
Overdoing the hints would be tacky, but I get the impression that you may not be giving him quite enough of a hint that you have the kind of ulterior interest that makes him want to see you again.
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I’m Saito, a column writer♪
I think any man who meets with you twice is already very kind.
As Mac said, I think it simply means you weren’t appealing enough...
Whether she’s an actress or a celebrity, I make my judgment after just one meeting.
People who are slow to make decisions or can’t anticipate the flow of a conversation tend to be disliked.
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I’m seeing some fun girls for meals and other dates, not just adult relationships, so I don’t currently think in terms of keeping someone around with dinner-only dates.
There have been cases where we had an adult relationship at first, but for various reasons we’re now seeing each other without that.
She wasn’t someone I met through a dating club, but she was what you’d call a Type A girl. Things developed into an adult relationship around our third date, that continued for about a year, and then we went back to seeing each other without it.
I guess that’s what Mac means by getting pulled into the relationship, haha.
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If the man is initially fine with just dinner but ultimately hopes for an adult relationship (which is probably what most men have in mind), the subject may come up on the first date.
If the woman says something like:
“If I really like someone, I can have an adult relationship with him, but I’m not very good at making that decision, so I need to meet several times before I can take that step,”
then there’s a possibility it may happen eventually. So the man might continue going on dinner dates, saying something like, “Dinner only is fine” (meaning for now).
But if she says:
“I’m not considering an adult relationship at all. Of course it’s dinner only. Anything beyond that is out of the question,”
then “Dinner only is fine” would really mean, “I don’t think we’ll be able to continue seeing each other.”
So if he can determine from the first meeting whether it’s dinner only, things will probably end there. If he only finds out after two or three dates, they’ll end at that point instead.
Even if she says, “No, I’m a Type A dating woman,” she still needs to give a generally reasonable answer along the lines of:
“You never know when you might fall in love, so of course an adult relationship could happen.”
If that was a lie, after meeting a few times, you’ll gradually get a sense of whether she was being truthful.
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