My papa assumes I’ll always say yes to plans and trips with him. He thinks that because it’s a month away, I must be free, but I actually have plans with friends and family.
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This comes up in the Q&A box from time to time, but some papas seem to get overly familiar—or even mistake this for dating and think they’re your boyfriend. I get the impression it’s especially common among men in their 50s and older. In fact, two of my papas have been like this.
Once, I genuinely had other plans and turned him down, and he said, “Please prioritize that over making time for me. The decision is yours.” It was such a hassle.
I feel like if I turn down plans a month in advance, he’ll read something into it again. Is there a good way to politely decline?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
Papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is supposed to be a hassle. Getting your allowance easily is the unusual part.
Keep that mindset when doing papa-katsu. When you meet a good papa (a male supporter), you’ll genuinely appreciate him—and you can build a good relationship. You’ll both be grateful to each other.
Questioner, if you’re already calling it a hassle this early on, you won’t even earn your first-degree papa-katsu rank.
Deflect and brush it off. Let it roll off you, then use the other person’s energy to your advantage.
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Just be honest and say, “I already have plans with a friend that day,” then suggest another day when you’re available.
If you propose an alternative date, most men will probably understand. You can also add that you’re happy he invited you or that you’re looking forward to it—it’ll likely make him happy.
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It may sound harsh, but it all comes down to how far you can keep your papa wrapped around your finger, make him misunderstand your feelings, and get money out of him—and how honest you should be while maintaining the right distance. That’s where your skill comes into play.
Observe him carefully. If he no longer feels you’re worth the allowance, it’s over; if he still sees value in you, the arrangement continues. What each papa values differs, so since you’re being paid, take responsibility, think carefully, adapt to the person, and respond accordingly.
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If you can’t respond to his proposed schedule right away, that papa (a male supporter) may not feel like giving you money. A lot of busy papas are like that—they want to feel that you’re prioritizing them.
That said, those papas may also have the potential to become generous (well-paying) supporters.
As for how to turn him down, I think it’s fine to simply say, “I’m sorry, but I already have ○○ scheduled that day…” and give a specific reason.
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