How should I interpret a last-minute cancellation right before a date?
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This was supposed to be our third date and our second adult relationship (intimate) encounter. I was coming from over two hours away, which she knew. I booked a luxury hotel room with in-room dining (I was the only one staying overnight, and she knew the details of the date). The day before, she even messaged me to confirm, saying, “I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”
Then, while I was on my way to the hotel after arriving in town, she messaged me: “My pet cat suddenly got sick, so I took her to the hospital. She’s being treated now. I don’t think I can make it. I’m sorry.” I couldn’t cancel either the hotel or the dinner. I told the hotel that my partner had tested positive for COVID, and they changed the dinner reservation to one person.
As I sat alone in the spacious room, drinking wine and eating the hotel dinner, I gradually became angry and sent her a barrage of highly emotional messages. In the end, she replied, “I’m truly sorry. But I never thought you were the kind of person who would say things like that,” and we parted on a very unpleasant note.
She was exactly my type, so I’ve been wondering whether, if I had held my feelings in and forgiven her, I might have been able to take the lead in the relationship later on. I don’t know.
She also used to message me more often than not, not just the day before, so I wondered if she might be a bit emotionally unstable…
What do you all think?
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂50s👑Universe male member
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Wasn’t the only—and decisive—mistake messaging him on LINE after drinking wine? When you drink alone, you tend to drink faster and more, which can cloud your judgment. Am I wrong?
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The woman who said, “I’m sorry,” after you bombarded her with LINE messages is very mature.
It’s a shame you showed none of the composure you’d expect from a grown man.
Anyway, this was a question and answer that really highlighted how kind Itsu-Mei-san is. You’re wonderful, Itsu-Mei-san.
Marika
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An older guy bombarding you with LINE messages is way creepier than he probably realizes.
It gives off this desperate vibe of “I wanted to get laid!! Why wouldn’t you let me?!”—like he’s obsessed with having sex with a younger woman, and it’s a total turnoff.
A papa’s appeal is his financial stability, emotional composure, and generosity of spirit. Isn’t that the one area where he can beat younger guys?
It’s a shame to undermine and expose that appeal himself.
To avoid repeating this mistake next time, I think he should look up “anger management” and take steps to deal with it.
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> I found myself wondering whether, if I’d just held my tongue and let it go, I might have been able to take the lead later on.
You still have a long way to go.
First of all, even if you had kept your cool this time, you wouldn’t have gained the upper hand.
In the first place, last-minute cancellations are perfectly normal. Just assume they’re part of the deal from the start. That’s the first step.
Once you accept that they happen, you’ll be able to think ahead about what you’ll do if someone cancels at the last minute.
When a woman cancels on you, you should at least have the composure to say:
“If you’re suddenly ill, it can’t be helped. Take care of yourself. I hope you feel better soon.”
Even if you’re just putting on a brave face, that’s fine. Show her your best, most gentlemanly side.
As for dinner, you could invite a friend. Or, if you’ve gotten friendly with someone at the club, you might ask, “I just got canceled on—would you like to have dinner with me?” There may be a staff member who’d be willing to go.
Of course, it depends on your usual relationship with them.
Alternatively, you could try to find another woman at short notice. If it’s dinner only (no intimacy), you might be able to find someone even on short notice.
You really are a complete beginner.
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The moment a man gets emotional, he’s already lost.
More importantly, instead of worrying about yourself, worry about Neko-chan first. You made her apologize, yet all you can think about is whether you’re the one in control and whether she might be emotionally unstable. You’re only thinking about yourself.
If her explanation was true, did you even give a millimeter of thought to how she felt when she canceled at the last minute, or how deeply your LINE messages hurt her?
And if you didn’t want her to cancel on you, you should’ve invited her in a way that made the date feel more special and exciting to her. Still, even if she’d lost interest in the date, she spared your pride by giving you an excuse to back out. I think she handled it admirably.
All you can do is take her own account at face value.
>> Wow, it makes me so happy to be called wonderful by Marika! Your wonderfully kind yet refreshingly blunt answers are always amazing, Marika. Thank you ♪( ´▽｀)
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Many people are being harsh on the questioner, but it’s true that she’s throwing away any chance of things progressing.
That said, a girl who cancels at the last minute will do it again and again. I don’t think she’s worth continuing with.
Forget her and move on to the next one.
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If she’s a good girl you want to keep seeing, try not to get emotional. Hold it together, show some maturity, and keep things moving forward—you might have been able to build a closer, better relationship.
Betting on that possibility, Fuu would swallow the frustration and tough it out. Then I’d binge-eat or drink alone（笑）
I really understand how you feel. I write columns about this, but even I’ve experienced several last-minute cancellations, eating alone, and staying at a hotel alone.
These days, I have a girl I’m in a monthly arrangement with who’ll come over on short notice if she’s free. I’m nothing but grateful.
You could also find someone who’ll come when you need her. Or, according to another papa’s column, some papas call a high-end delivery service.
It’s frustrating when you focus on just one person, but if you have several, you can spread out your feelings. In the end, I think it helps you stay composed and look good.
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I’d like to say I’m not even a tiny bit angry, but that would be a lie, so I sympathize.
That said, if it were me, I’d pretend it didn’t bother me and play it cool. If the same thing happened again, I’d probably just end things without saying anything.
Come to think of it, I’ve never been stood up for an adult date. I have had a first dinner rescheduled, but I’ve never been stood up by anyone I’d entered into an adult relationship with.
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